


Leap

by Humble_wats



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Sweethearts, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartache, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-01-02 07:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 73,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21157583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humble_wats/pseuds/Humble_wats
Summary: Juliana and Valentina meet as teenagers during one summer. Will life get in the way of pursuing what they both can't deny?





	1. Chapter 1

“I don’t know about this, it’s much higher than I thought” Juliana called nervously to her friends, already awaiting her in the ocean below. 

Her toes were gripping the edge of the pier as she contemplated how high the jump might be. She’d seen her friends jump from the same spot numerous times this summer, but Juliana still hadn’t taken the leap, instead electing to scale the steel ladder down to the lowest platform and entering the water from there. Juliana’s friends had decided they were old enough and brave enough now to take the highest leap, and had spent the first week of the summer holidays back-flipping and diving off the edge of the pier. Her friends had spent all week gently encouraging her to jump with them, and she now found herself looking down at their smiling faces as they tread water in the crystal blue below her. 

Juliana’s cousin, Mateo, was two years older than her and had been the first of their group to take the leap a week ago. He was currently shouting at her to “just do it, you’ll love it”, but she could barely hear him through the thumping in her chest. 

Mateo’s friend, Alex came up beside her and called out “Stop being such a sook and jump!” and proceeded to do a front flip off the pier, landing graciously into the water.

With that, Juliana scrunched up her face and took a deep breath. She bounced on her feet a couple of times, trying to psych herself up for the big leap. She was a confident swimmer and loved the ocean, but was never usually one to take risks, relying on sensible decision making rather than impulse, unlike her cousin. 

Suddenly, a warm hand entered her own and she simultaneously spun her head around and took a step back from the pier in fear of being pushed in. Juliana furrowed her brow in confusion as she was met with big, blue eyes and a shy smile. The girl was slightly taller than Juliana, with slim legs and beautiful long brown hair that shaped her exquisite face perfectly. Juliana couldn’t help but gape at the beautiful girl with questioning eyes, who continued to stand next to her, gently holding her hand. 

The girl spoke, breaking Juliana from her daze. “I’ll jump with you, if you want. I haven’t jumped from this high before either.”

Juliana balked at the sincerity of the girl, her blue eyes sparkling down at her. She didn’t know why, but Juliana suddenly felt invincible. The feeling of the girls hand in hers made her feel safe and she slowly relaxed. She smiled up at the stranger and took the step back to the edge of the pier. Juliana looked down once again at her friends in the water, and then back up at the girl. The brunette nodded at Juliana who returned with a smile. 

“Okay, on three. You ready?” Juliana said to the girl, finally finding the confidence to take the leap with the warm hand holding hers. 

The girl replied with a laugh and said “Absolutely!”

Juliana took one more deep breath to steady herself. 

“One. Two. THREE!”

On three, Juliana and the other girl leapt off the edge of the pier without hesitation. 

The free fall took no longer than a few seconds, but it was the most exhilarating few seconds of Juliana’s young life. She screamed with excitement while mid-air, hanging on tight to the hand enclosed in her own. When they hit the water, they lost contact and Juliana instantly missed the feeling of warmth and comfort it provided. She let the cool water engulf her and swum back up slowly to the surface. She was greeted with cheers and claps from her small group of friends, ecstatic she had finally made the leap. Juliana beamed and was inundated with her friends splashing around and hugging her, making a scene in the water. When she was finally able to, she began looking around the water for the girl who had accompanied her on the jump. She saw the brunette bobbing in the water a little while away, watching her. They made eye contact and the strange girl grinned at Juliana and turned, swimming away. Juliana couldn’t help but smile back, and was surprised to find herself swimming after the taller girl. She could hear her friends calling at her to come back, to jump with them again, but she ignored them, eager to thank the girl who filled her with the confidence to do something she didn’t think she could. 

Juliana swam to the spot the taller girl was and stopped to lift her head to see where she was. Instead of heading to the ladder that climbed back to the top of the pier, Juliana was surprised to see the girl seemingly making her way all the way back to the beach. Juliana put her head down and swam as quickly as she could to reach her. 

By the time Juliana made it back to wading depth at the beach, she could see the taller girl standing at the shoreline, waiting for her with a cheeky grin plastered on her face. Juliana was breathless when she arrived in front of the brunette, chest heaving from the fast pace she had tried to set in pursuit of the other girl. 

“You are a fast swimmer” Juliana stated between breaths, bent over with hands on her knees. 

The other girl couldn’t help but chuckle “Yeah, always have been.”

The taller girl just stood in front of Juliana and watched her catch her breath, her blue eyes never leaving Juliana’s face. Juliana wasn’t sure if she should feel nervous or flattered with the steady gaze she was receiving, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away either. 

Juliana finally extended a hand. “Juliana.” she announced. 

Never breaking eye contact, the girl took her hand. “Valentina” she replied with a lopsided smile. 

Juliana couldn’t help but feel a wide smile break across her face. 

“That’s a beautiful name.” Juliana heard the words come out of her mouth before she had time to process it. 

Valentina let out a small, throaty laugh. “And you have a beautiful smile.” 

Juliana felt a light blush creep over her face at the the compliment. 

They were done shaking hands but they were still connected, both girls unable or unwilling to let go just yet. Valentina’s blue eyes continued to sparkle at Juliana and she couldn’t help but feel totally weak but also completely fearless at the way Valentina looked at her. Juliana couldn’t help but notice how Valentina’s smile reached her eyes, lighting up her whole face. 

Juliana took a few moments to take the girl before her in. Her brunette hair had natural streaks of blonde running through it, and it hung down to the middle of her back, currently slicked back after getting out of the water. Her posture was strong, her limbs were long and slim and she seemed sure of herself even though she hadn’t quite grown into her body yet. Juliana guessed she was about her age or a year older. She was wearing a black one piece swimsuit that clung to her slim frame. Her skin looked soft and was a beautiful milky colour, complementing her delicate features.  
Juliana looked back up to Valentinas face and noticed her full lips, perfectly shaped eyebrows and long lashes, protecting those mesmerizing blue eyes. Those full lips were still smiling at Juliana, waiting. 

Finally, Juliana found her voice again and took her hand back, trying not to make things any more awkward. She cleared her throat before speaking. 

“I wanted to thank you for taking the leap with me, but you swam off. I don’t really know why I followed you all the way here….” Juliana trailed off, only just realizing how strange her actions were. 

Valentina laughed again. “It’s fine, it was fun. You don’t need to thank me.”

“Why did you swim away?” Juliana asked. 

“You’re friends seemed like they were happy for you and I didn’t want to intrude.” Valentina explained simply. 

“Oh.” Juliana huffed, nodding her head slowly. “Well, just to thank you anyway, I’d like to buy you an ice cream. I know this amazing place. What do you think?” Juliana asked, excited. 

Valentina replied with a toothy grin. 

“I’d love to! Thank you!”

“Well, I just need to grab my stuff. It’s just over there, under the pier. Where are your things?” Juliana asked, pointing in the direction of the pier.

“My stuff is in the car. How about I meet you at the entrance to the pier in 2 minutes?” Valentina suggested. 

“Sure, that sounds good.” Juliana chuckled and began to walk over the pier. Half way across the sand, she looked over her shoulder to see if she could spot Valentina. She could see her long legs make their way up the steps to the street and quickly cross the footpath to jump into the back of a black SUV. 

Juliana made her way into the shade of the pier and collected her colorful shoulder bag among the mounds of her friends things scattered across the sand. She pulled out her tattered pair of denim shorts and a loose white tank top that she knew would probably be see through after her wet swimmers touched the fabric. She slid on her sandles, popped her small straw hat on her head and slid on her cheap black sunglasses and began to make her way to the same set of stairs she saw Valentina climb a minute ago. 

Juliana spotted Valentina already at the entrance to the pier and as Juliana approached her, she couldn’t help but grin stupidly at Valentina. Juliana admired the tall figure as she walked towards her. She was wearing short black shorts, a pink t-shirt with the sleeves folded up, and a black wide brim hat. Her feet, not unlike Juliana’s, still had sand stuck to them and her hair was tousled around her shoulders and down her back, drying slowly in the heat to have that salt water curl about it. 

She shifted her weight on her feet as she waited, and as she spotted Juliana, she approached her with open arms, tugging Juliana into a tight hug. Juliana was taken aback by this bold act from the other girl, but took comfort in the warmth of the hug and tentatively wrapped her arms around Valentina’s back. Juliana was not really a physically affectionate person, but this somehow felt right, felt comfortable. 

Valentina pulled back and looked at Juliana with that beaming smile. 

“So, where to boss?” she asked, excitedly. 

Juliana giggled at Valentina’s enthusiasm. 

“This way.” She answered, pointing down the street. 

Arrizo is a beach resort town on the coast of Mexico and typically becomes a much busier place in the summer months. The streets along the beach teem with people and cars wanting to enjoy the vibrant atmosphere the beach brings. This particular day was not unlike many other summer days in Arrizo. The sun was shining brightly, there was a slight breeze in the air and the heat was just enough to elicit a few beads of sweat on Juliana’s forehead and top lip. 

She took the lead, directing Valentina across the road and down a couple of shops to a white tiled shop face with a pink neon sign reading “Panchito’s Ice Cream”. 

Juliana held the door open for Valentina and as they stepped inside, they were hit with a refreshing blast of cool air. The girls both took their hats off and stood side-by-side in front of the counter window, carefully looking over the ice cream flavors to ensure they made the right choice.

Valentina nudged Juliana and said “You order first, I haven’t decided yet.”

Juliana turned to the man who had just arrived in front of them, over the top of the counter window. 

“Hey, Juli! What are you doing here? Have you had enough swimming for the day already?” Panchito greeted Juliana with a smile. 

“Hi Pancho! I met a new friend and thought I’d bring her here to cool off. It’s getting quite hot out there already.”

Panchito glanced to the slim girl standing beside Juliana and offered her his hand. 

“Hey there. I’m Panchito, Juliana’s step-father. It’s nice to meet you.” Panchito said as Valentina took his hand and shook it. 

Valentina replied with a strong handshake and a polite smile. “I’m Valentina. It’s nice to meet you too.”

Once the introductions were over, Juliana ordered a scoop of plain chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. Valentina decided on two scoops of rainbow delight in a cup.

As Juliana tried to pay for the ice cream, Panchito winked at her and said “of course, it’s on the house, my girl.” 

The girls took their ice creams after thanking Panchito, and made their way to the bench at the shop window that looked out over the street. Juliana particularly liked this spot because she could sit there for hours on end watching the world go by. During the school terms, she would often come to this exact spot after school and do her homework from the window seat, watching as people came and went, wondering what was going on in their lives, where they were heading. 

The girls swung around on their stools so their knees were touching and licked their ice creams with huge grins on their faces. 

“Are you from around here?” Juliana asked, curiously. 

“Unfortunately not. My father just bought a hotel here, so we’re here for the summer while he runs his business.” Valentina had a distant look in her eye as she spoke of her father.

“Oh, that sounds very cool. Which hotel?” Juliana knew all of the hotels in the area and was curious as to which one Valentina’s father recently purchased. 

“The Carvajal.” Valentina replied softly, almost as if she didn’t want Juliana to hear it. 

Juliana’s eyes widened at the name of the hotel. She knew it to be the old “Galleon Hotel” that had recently been bought and completely refurbished by a Mexican hotel chain businessman, whom she now realizes is Leon Carvajal. “The Carvajal” was thought to be the newest luxury hotel in the town of Arrizo. The location was superb, on top of the hill, overlooking the beach and town below, with many pools, bars and a huge nightclub. 

Juliana let the information sink in for a moment before raising one eye brow and asking “…. So you’re Valentina Carvajal?”

Valentina raised one eyebrow and nodded her head. 

“Awesome!” was all Juliana managed to get out. The girl was seriously rich and her family was famous in Mexico. Juliana didn’t really know how to react, so she kept licking her ice cream. 

“What about you? Are you from around here?” Valentina also focused her attention back on her ice cream. 

“Ah, kind of. My mum and I moved here about five years ago. So it’s home for me now. I like it here. Especially during the summer! I love swimming!”

The conversation continued to flow between the girls as they grew more confident in each others presence, getting to know one another. As Juliana listened to Valentina speak about her life, her passions, her friends and family, she couldn’t help but get wrapped up in Valentina’s positive outlook. She exuded happiness, warmth and excitement, and it came shining through her big eyes, her contagious smile and the way she threw her head back in laughter. Juliana found herself grinning throughout the entire conversation, to the point where she had to rub her cheeks because they hurt so much. 

As the conversation continued, Juliana realized how easy this felt, talking and laughing with this girl. She had some friends and her cousin that she hung out with, but talking to strangers never really came easy for her. Her past of running and hiding from an abusive father, the trauma of watching her mother be threatened and sometimes watching those threats come to fruition, she struggled to make meaningful relationships. She was often guarded and it usually took a while for Juliana to let her walls down, defensive of letting people get too close. But it dawned on her that she almost felt the opposite around Valentina. She had only known the girl for an hour and she was already dreading the moment they would be apart. It was not hard to enjoy Valentina’s company, she made Juliana feel at ease, almost like Juliana could divulge her deepest secrets and it would be safe to do so. She had never felt that way before and it was confusing and liberating at the same time. 

Once the girls had finished their ice creams, they decided to go for another swim. They waved at Panchito as they exited the shop and Valentina slipped her hand in Juliana’s as they crossed the street back to the beach and it felt as natural as breathing. They smiled at one another and made their way under the pier to drop their belongings off before making their way back into the water with the mass of other people. 

For the rest of the day, Valentina and Juliana swum in the cool blue water, practicing their floating and then spent the afternoon lying on their beach towels, telling stories from their past, and dreaming of the future. 

Juliana found out that Valentina was 15, she wanted to become a writer when she was older, that she loves to play the guitar, has an older brother and sister and her biggest fear are spiders. Juliana told Valentina she was 14, that she loved to draw and swim and dance, and that one day, she wanted to travel to see the Northern Lights.

As the day began to fade into night, Juliana knew she must start heading home. She didn’t want to leave Valentina, but her mother would not be happy if she was not home before dinner. 

“Val, I need to start getting home.” Juliana said with a pout. 

“Oh no, I don’t want you to go!” Valentina grabbed at Juliana’s hand, holding it tightly. 

“Me either.” She paused to look up at the girl with a smirk on her lips. “But, maybe we can hang out tomorrow?” Juliana questioned, hopeful. 

“Oh, I would love to! I’ve had such a fun day! What’s your number?”

Juliana paused, embarrassed. 

“What’s up?” Valentina quizzed, sensing Juliana’s hesitation.

“Ah, I don’t have a phone, Val.” Juliana uttered with a shrug of her shoulders, looking down at her fingers in her lap. Juliana’s mother, Lupita, works hard to provide a roof over their heads and food on the table, but they rarely have spare money to spend on expensive things like phones. Juliana isn’t ashamed of her situation, but it makes her feel awkward sometimes, and she didn’t want any pity from Valentina. 

Valentina lightly touched her index finger to Juliana’s chin, gently guiding her eyes to meet her own. 

“It’s fine, Juls. I’ll meet you under the pier tomorrow at 11am? Maybe we can make the leap together again!” Valentina’s eyes sparkled. 

Juliana couldn’t help but smile at the authenticity of the other girl. 

“Sounds perfect, Val.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls spend more time getting to know one another. Juliana takes Valentina to her favorite place.

Two weeks had passed since Valentina and Juliana met, and it had been some of the most joyous times of Juliana’s life so far. They had spent their days swimming, sunbaking, kayaking, skateboarding and eating ice cream. Juliana was addicted to hearing Valentina laugh, the sweet sound resonating throughout her entire body. Her energy was infectious and Juliana found herself craving her company. 

Juliana had to help her mother with some chores in the morning, so arranged to pick Valentina up from the lobby of The Carvajal at 2pm. Valentina had asked for more details as to what they would be doing, but Juliana wanted it to be a surprise. Valentina had pinched her cheek and said “I love a mystery, Juls!” before they went their separate ways the previous afternoon. 

Juliana unlocked her cherry red second hand bike from the side gate and walked it to the street, before sliding on and peddling away in the direction of the new luxury hotel. She was curious to see where Valentina lived and what her life was like, admitting to herself that offering to pick the girl up was not entirely selfless. 

She arrived with 5 minutes to spare, panting from the exertion of the hill climb to her destination. Red faced and sweaty, she stood and pulled a water bottle from her small backpack and took a few long gulps. It was only when she started to get her breath back that she could properly take in her surroundings. She had taken her break at the beginning of a plateau, in front of sprawling lawns and beautifully manicured gardens. There were workers tending to the gardens, dressed in white with large hats to shelter them from the sun. Behind the magnificent gardens was an enormous white building, majestic in size, design and in beauty. The hotel itself sat closer to the edge of the cliff, overlooking the town of Arrizo and the expanse of the ocean. Juliana had heard about The Carvajal and it’s upgrade and expansion under new owner Leon Carvajal, but had no real idea of the term “luxury”. While taking in the sight of The Carvajal and its grounds, she thinks she finally might understand what that word means. 

She placed her water bottle back into her bag and slowly continued on her journey to the hotel lobby, following the well-paved driveway to a large curved archway. There were expensive cars parked underneath the arch, with hotel employees escorting patrons to the reception desk and keeping busy unloading cars. Juliana dismounted her bike and leant it against a sizeable white pillar straddling the entrance to the hotel. She approached the large automatic doors and stepped into the lobby, blasted by a refreshing cool change in air temperature. The room was grand with high ceilings and tiled floors, beautiful colorful mosaics and large decorative paintings on the walls, impressive chandeliers hanging delicately from the ceilings and the same large decorated pillars scattered throughout the large room. 

Juliana spotted Valentina immediately, sitting on a couch in front of huge floor to ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. She was accompanied by a boy and was laughing and talking with him, looking very comfortable and their interaction, which seemed quite intimate. Juliana felt a strange feeling in her chest when she took in the sight in front of her, but dismissed it quickly and continued to walk towards Valentina. 

Valentina clearly sensed someone was coming and looked up to latch eyes with Juliana. Juliana couldn’t help but let a huge smile creep across her face as Valentina beamed at her, jumping up on the spot excitedly while calling “JULS!” arms opened wide for a hug. Juliana wrapped her arms around Valentina’s waist and was enveloped in the warmth of the older girl. 

“Hey, Val.” 

Juliana felt Valentina loosen her hold so she stepped back, noticing Valentina’s hand trail from her back, to her shoulder, down her arm and firmly grasp her hand. She used her grip on Juliana’s hand to turn her around, where she found a man with kind eyes watching them. 

“Juls, this is my brother I’ve been telling you about, Guille.” Valentina exclaimed, and suddenly the previous nagging feeling in her chest disappeared. 

Guille extended his hand to Juliana “It’s lovely to meet you Juliana.”

Juliana reached with her free hand to shake his, finding it to be warm and welcoming, not unlike Valentina’s. 

“It’s great to meet you also.” Juliana replied politely. 

“You are all Valentina has talked about these past two weeks, so it’s nice to finally put a face to a name.” Guille smiled, releasing Juliana’s hand.

Juliana could feel a faint blush creep across her face. 

Guille, sensing Juliana’s hesitation, added, “Don’t worry, all good things!”

All three laughed then, Valentina reaching over and playfully pushing Guille’s shoulder. Juliana immediately liked Guille and his calming presence. Valentina had talked about Guille with high praises while the girls had been getting to know one another, and she now understood Valentina’s fondness of her brother. He gave off an air of authenticity and gentleness, and Juliana felt immediately comforted by his presence. 

“Well, I’m off to spend some time with dad.” Guille sighed, using air quotation marks on the “spend some time” part of the comment. Juliana watched as Valentina rolled her eyes, unsure of the unspoken meaning between the pair. “You two have fun.”

Valentina let go of Juliana’s hand to give Guille an affectionate hug. He turned and smiled at Juliana, “I’m sure I’ll see you around.” He then wandered off into the hotel, while Valentina’s hand found Juliana’s once more. 

They turned to face one another.

“I’m very excited for this mystery day!” Valentina burst. Her eyes were wide, her smile was dazzling, and she was bouncing slightly from foot to foot, full of energy. 

“Have you packed your bikini and towel?” Juliana quizzed.

Valentina held up a small backpack, accompanied by a huge nod. 

“And I can see you wore the appropriate footwear, nice one!” Juliana laughed, gesturing to Valentina’s black Nike runners. “I think we’re ready to go.”

Juliana turned and pulled Valentina along behind her, heading back out to where she left her bike. 

“This place is very grand.” She commented, looking around as they walked. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Valentina replied vaguely.

“You don’t care about money and wealth?” Juliana asked, curious about this aspect of Valentina.

“I’ve always had it, so I don’t know what it’s like to not have any. So I guess I can be appreciative of it and grateful for it. But…” She trailed off, looking the opposite direction. 

Juliana didn’t want to probe any further, sensing the topic is a sensitive one for the older girl. So she squeezed her hand and directed her to her cherry red bike.

“Ta-da!” she presented her bike to Valentina with an outstretched arm. “Here is our transport for this afternoon.”

Valentina threw her head back and laughed, all traces of uneasiness gone already. Juliana couldn’t help but join in on her laughter. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Juls, there is only one bike and two of us. How is this going to work?”

“Well, I’ll ride and you get to stand on these two pegs at the back.” Juliana informed Valentina, pointing to the pegs sticking out of the rear wheel, watching for any apprehension. 

Valentina just pulled Juliana in for a quick hug. 

“Let’s do this!” She giggled. 

Juliana straddled the bike and waited for Valentina to get a grip of her shoulders with her feet on the pegs before she started moving. Juliana directed the bike back down the hill with a few squeals from Valentina behind her. When the bike started picking up a bit of speed, Juliana felt Valentina shift one arm under hers, interlocking her arms over Juliana’s chest, bending down so her head rested on Juliana’s shoulder, their cheeks touching. Juliana felt electricity coarse through her veins.

“Are you okay?” she called, anxious Valentina might be scared.

All she received in reply was another throaty laugh and a light kiss on the cheek. She thought her heart might thump through her chest at the affectionate touch. All she could do was smile and continue on their course. 

*********

Juliana knew the streets of Arrizo well, taking the back roads through to the other side of town. This part of the town was less populated and buildings were quickly replaced with greenery lining the streets. They followed a road along the coast, suddenly taking a sharp left hand turn on a dirt track that if you didn’t know was there, you would have missed it. Juliana kept riding until they reached the base of a hill, slowing down and eventually stopping under a tree. Both girls swung off the bike and Juliana leaned it up against the tree, taking out her water bottle for another drink, offering it to Valentina who also took a swig. She motioned for Valentina to follow her as she found the beginning of a small trail at the base of the hill, meandering her way up. 

The girls chattered the entire walk, weaving through bushes and ducking under branches, giggling at one another when they stumbled on a loose rock or stick. After only 10 minutes, they made it to a large clearing, surrounded by tall trees, luscious grass, with a beautiful full stream running the length of it. 

Juliana turned to Valentina. “It’s just through here.” She stepped behind one of the tall trees and followed the stream for a further minute before she stopped. Valentina could hear it before she saw it. 

They stood on top of a rock, overlooking a valley of green, the stream flowing quickly off over the rock and down into the beautiful aqua waters below. 

Juliana watched for Valentina’s reaction. 

“Wow, Juls.” She breathed. 

She turned to face Juliana with a toothy grin, her blue eyes bright and alive, taking the scene in. “This is amazing, Juls!”

“It’s my favorite place on earth.” Juliana offered. 

“Can we swim in it?”

“Why else would we be here, Val? Of course! Follow me. But be careful, it can be slippery.”

They slowly scaled their way down a rough path, skirting the waterfall until they reached a flat, dry rock at the base. They pulled out their towels and ducked behind tress to change into their bikini’s. When Valentina emerged from behind a tree wearing nothing but her simple black bikini, Juliana couldn’t help but rake her eyes over her body as subtly as possible. She admired Valentina’s skinny physique, long legs and most importantly for Juliana, the way her brunette hair tumbled down over her shoulders and swished as she walked. 

The two girls dove into the clear water and splashed, floated, talked, swam and laughed. Eventually they got out of the water and relaxed on their towels, continuing their easy flowing conversation. 

“Val, what kinds of stories do you like to write?” Juliana asked. 

“Hmmmm. I like to write fiction. Mostly love stories and romance. I can’t wait to fall in love, I think it will be amazing!” 

Valentina and Juliana both had their sunglasses on, lying on their backs facing the sky. Even though Juliana couldn’t see Valentina, she could hear how excited she was by the prospect of falling in love. Juliana had never really thought about the concept of love in terms of her own life, considering love to be something that other people experienced, like the people in TV shows and books. 

“Have you ever kissed a boy?” Juliana questioned, curious about Valentina’s answer. 

Juliana felt Valentina stir beside her and turned her head. Valentina had begun to sit up and turn to face her, legs crossed, raising her sunglasses into her silky hair. 

Juliana copied Valentina’s movements, now looking at one another. Valentina’s eyes sparkled, a small grin plastered on her face. 

“Yes, a couple. I’ve done more than kiss a few too. But never sex. Not yet. I think I’m still too young.” She divulged. “What about you?”

Juliana was surprised by Valentina’s openness talking about her sexual experiences. She had girl friends she hung out at school with, but her closest friends were boys, particularly her cousin Mateo and friend Alex. She didn’t know if this was information girls generally shared so honestly or whether it was just because Valentina is such a confident person. But now knowing Valentina’s experience, she felt somewhat embarrassed. 

All she could do was bite her lower lip and shrug her shoulders. Juliana noticed Valentina’s eyes flicker down to her lips and back up, an emotion Juliana couldn’t pick passing over her features.

“What?” Valentina raised her eyebrows.

A moment passed with nothing but the soft sound of the waterfall in the distance.

“I fell silly now. But I haven’t kissed anyone yet.”

Valentina giggled. “Juls, it’s really nothing it’s cracked up to be. But I think when we find the person we’re supposed to fall in love with… then it’ll be like fireworks! That’s what I hope for, anyway.”

*********

The light started to dim while the girls packed up their bikini’s and towels into their bags, changed back into their clothes. 

“I hope we get back in time before dark. I don’t want you getting in trouble.” Valentina seemed genuinely concerned. After spending two weeks of parting with Juliana before dark, she had clearly noticed the pattern.

“Oh, we aren’t leaving yet. I have another surprise for you.” Juliana grinned. “Lupe knows I won’t be back until late.”

Valentina clapped her hands in excitement and put her hands on Juliana’s shoulders, gazing into her eyes. “I am seriously liking these surprises, Juls! I like spending time with you.”

“You aren’t terrible company yourself, you know.” Juliana teased, continuing to pack her bag.

Valentina laughed and threw her shoe at Juliana in mock insult. Juliana caught it and stepped over to the brunette to hand it back.

“I like spending time with you too. Obviously! I don’t bring just anyone here! C’mon, put this on and let’s go.”

Juliana waited and took the lead, making her way back up the rock face the way they came, being careful in the low light and checking on Valentina behind her sporadically. When the girls made it to the top, Valentina locked her hand in Juliana’s again as they walked side by side. Juliana was not complaining about this new habit, unable to wipe the grin off her face, reveling in the warm, soft skin encased in her own. 

As they neared the clearing, voices could be heard in the distance. Valentina glanced down to Juliana with a sparkle in her eye, picking up her pace. When the girls broke through the tree line, they found a group of people sitting around a campfire, talking animatedly and loudly, and laughing with one another. 

“Hola!” Juliana called, gaining the attention from the group. 

A bunch of greetings were thrown towards them, cheers and whistles reaching their ears. 

Juliana looked to Valentina as they made their way over to the fire. “These are my friends. I thought I’d introduce you to them. We’ll have marshmallows on the fire and play some games. Is this okay?” 

“This is fantastic, Juls! Absolutely!”

As they got closer, two boys got up and greeted them. The taller boy approached them and held out his hand to Valentina.

“Hi, I’m Mateo, Juli’s cousin. You must be Valentina. You are all Juli has talked about recently.” He looked over to Juliana. “It’s kind of annoying, actually.” He smirked. 

Juliana blushed and whined “oh, shut up, Mateo” 

Valentina took Mateo’s hand, chuckling. “Lovely to meet you, Mateo.”

Mateo stepped aside and pulled Juliana in a playful headlock while the blonde haired boy standing beside Mateo introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Alex. You are very pretty.” He gushed. 

Juliana broke free of the hold around her neck and punched his shoulder. “Don’t be so weird, Alex.” 

They all laughed as Valentina said “It’s fine. Nice to meet you, Alex.”

Juliana introduced Valentina to the rest of the people in the group, mostly Mateo’s friends from school. They sat down around the campfire and relaxed while the day eased into night, the bright stars replacing the heat of the sun. 

Valentina kept up with the conversation easily, remembering everyone’s names and laughing along with their jokes. Juliana envied her ability to be so comfortable around new people, happily sitting back and watching Valentina interact with the people around her. She admired how her eyes squinted almost completely shut when she laughed particularly hard and how she spoke with her hands. Juliana didn’t think she had seen anyone more beautiful than Valentina in her life.

Valentina caught Juliana staring and leant across to tuck a loose hair behind Juliana’s ear.

“What’s up, chiquita?” 

Juliana blushed, taken aback by the gesture and the use of the affectionate nickname.

“You’re just very beautiful.” Juliana managed to get out, hoping the darkness was enough to cover her blush and the chatter of other conversations meant no-one else overheard her comment. 

It was Valentina’s turn now to look embarrassed, a shy smile making it’s way onto her lips. 

“As are you, Juls.” She replied, eyes deep with sincerity. It took Juliana’s breath away. 

Suddenly, Mateo yelled out “MARSHMALLOWS!” their moment gone, eye contact broken. 

Mateo passed around the bag of marshmallows and Juliana took the opportunity to go alone and find an appropriate roasting stick for herself and Valentina. She needed to clear her thoughts and get a hold of herself. 

She returned a minute later, boasting two sturdy roasting sticks, offering them to Valentina first, letting her choose. 

“Bet I can roast a better marshmallow than you.” Juliana challenged Valentina as she sat back down. 

“Oh, it’s on!” Valentina grinned. 

They spent the next 5 minutes trying to perfect the ultimate roasted marshmallow. 

Juliana squealed. “I’ve done it!” 

She slid the marshmallow off the end of her stick and held it out to Valentina. Instead of Valentina taking it with her fingers, she bent lower and unexpectedly wrapped her lips around Juliana’s fingers, sucking the marshmallow into her mouth. Juliana froze, eyes wide as she watched the scene in front of her. Her heartbeat picked up its pace as Valentina slowly chewed the marshmallow, eyebrows raised and finger on chin as if deep in thought.

“You are right, this is pretty great.” She said finally. 

Juliana had to shake her head slightly to snap out of her reverie. What was that about? 

“But, you haven’t tried mine yet.” She continued with a wink. 

She proceeded to pull her marshmallow out of the fire, having to blow on it as it had caught fire. It was burnt and black and looked very unappealing. Juliana stared at her open-mouthed. 

“Are you serious? You think that is going to be better than mine?” Juliana said in disbelief. 

“You won’t know unless you try it…” Valentina observed with an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders. 

Juliana rolled her eyes as Valentina pulled the hot marshmallow off the stick and passed it to Juliana. Juliana did not have the courage to do as Valentina did, quickly plucking it out of Valentina’s grasp and shoving it into her mouth. 

Her face immediately scrunched up. It was burnt and hot on the outside, and the inside hadn’t melted at all. 

“You are really terrible at this!” Juliana laughed between chews. 

Valentina giggled and pushed Juliana’s knee. “Hey, don’t tease me. I’ve never done this before!”

Before Juliana could say anything, Mateo began to play his guitar, everyone around the fire becoming quiet as the melody washed over them, relaxing into the calming tempo and enjoying the deep timbre of his voice echoing through the night air. 

After a few songs and others had joined in, Juliana called out across the fire.

“Mateo, let Valentina have a go. She plays too.”

Valentina was quick to shut it down. “Oh no, it’s fine. You continue, please.”

Mateo handed Valentina his guitar. “Please, we’d love to hear you play. But only if you’re comfortable.”

Valentina took the guitar with a smile and looked to Juliana sitting next to her. 

“I am very excited to finally hear this.” Juliana grinned. Valentina had told her she likes to play, but had never had the opportunity to see her in action. 

“What do you want to hear?” She asked Juliana. 

“How about a love song?” Juliana replied, as casual as she could muster. Her mind was still lingering on their conversation by the waterfall, suddenly curious by the notion of love due to Valentina’s belief in the extravagance of the feeling.

“Sure, whatever you like, Juls.” She murmured. 

Valentina turned and arranged herself comfortably around the guitar. She plucked a few chords and settled in. She cleared her throat and began the song, confidently strumming the guitar, twisting her long, slender fingers along the maple wood fret board to form the most beautiful harmonies. Suddenly, Valentina opened her mouth and began to sing. Juliana was instantly hypnotized by the delicate and raspy voice taking up all of her senses as she continued to play the wooden instrument. Valentina’s face transformed with the song, losing herself in the emotion of the lyrics. It was almost as if everyone else fell away and Valentina was all that existed in this world. But Juliana could not look away, she could not tear her eyes away from the stunning figure with the most angelic voice pouring herself out in front of her and her friends. 

As the song finished, the whole group of people cheered and whooped, congratulating and praising Valentina on her talent. Valentina seemed shy under the attention, thanking everyone but avoiding eye contact. Finally Juliana reached across and squeezed her knee. Valentina looked at her, eyes a clear blue in the darkness of night.

“That was… amazing, Val.”

Valentina just offered a smile and shrugged her shoulders, settling back into her seat and reaching over to hold Juliana’s hand. 

The two girls stayed and chatted to the group and each other for another hour or so, until Juliana squeezed Valentina’s hand. 

“I need to head back soon. Are you ready?”

Valentina smiled warmly at Juliana. “Ready when you are.”

They said their goodbyes to the group. Mateo praised Valentina’s playing again, reminding her she was welcome to play with them anytime, while Alex went into hug Valentina for an awkwardly long time. They waved their goodbyes and Valentina followed Juliana to the beginning of the track. Juliana stopped and pulled two headlights out from her backpack, handing one to Valentina.

“You think of everything, don’t you?” Valentina commented, squishing her harness over her head and flicking the light on, almost blinding Juliana. 

“This is not my first time walking this track in the night. It’s much easier with a bit of extra light. I have a scar on my leg to prove it.” She replied, fitting her own light on her head. 

They made it back to Juliana’s bike in 10 minutes, resuming their previous positions and making their way back through Arrizo, the cool night air a relief on their skin, warm from the day’s sun and the fire. Juliana pulled up short of The Carvajal, struggling to make it up the steep hill with the extra weight on the bike. The girls walked the rest of the way, Juliana wheeling her bike as they went. 

“Thank you for everything today, for sharing a part of your world with me. I had such a great time.” Valentina said quietly, dragging her feet slightly. Juliana thought she was trying to slow down their pace, perhaps to extend their time together.

“I’m just glad you could be there with me. I had a really fun time too. I’m glad you finally met Mateo and Alex. Although, I think Alex likes you!” Juliana snorted, still amused at the prolonged hug Valentina received from Alex and the look on Valentina’s face. 

Valentina scrunched up her face and gave Juliana a playful shove. “Am I going to see you tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t it be strange if you didn’t?” 

“Yes! Let’s meet at the pier at 11am?” Valentina stopped and turned to Juliana as they found themselves at the entrance to the hotel. 

“I’m already looking forward to it.” Juliana replied, smiling. 

Valentina folded Juliana in a warm hug. Juliana let herself melt into the hug, breathing in the unique scent of Valentina, letting her hair tickle her face. 

“Thanks again for today, chiquita.” Valentina whispered in her ear. She lent back slightly, placed a delicate kiss on Juliana’s cheek, turned and walked quickly inside the hotel without looking back. 

Juliana crooked her head to one side, trying to gather her thoughts still lingering on the sensation of Valentina so close and the tingling of skin on her cheek. 

She slowly turned her bike around and began her journey home, a huge grin once again plastered on her face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first summer together comes to an end.

Valentina is leaving tomorrow and Juliana is dreading it. They both go back to their respective schools and lives next week as the summer holiday ends. They spent the last six weeks together, learning about each other and becoming very close friends, always in one another’s orbit. There hadn’t been much time over the summer when the girls had not been together, exploring Arrizo and soaking up the sunshine. They also spent plenty of time at The Carvajal, taking advantage of its swimming pools and air conditioned rooms. Juliana even spent some nights sleeping over at The Carvajal with Valentina, in the most extravagant suite she had ever seen. Juliana knew she would never forget those nights spent with Valentina. They would watch movies, eat popcorn, have pillow fights, attempt to do each others hair and make up, play truth or dare, and laugh until Chivis, the housekeeper, told them it was enough and to go to sleep. They would still whisper to one another through the dark, telling each other their secrets and desires, until eventually one of them fell asleep. 

Juliana learned a lot about Valentina when at The Carvajal. They were sitting on the sunbed on the large balcony of the suite, overlooking the ocean, when Juliana discovered that Valentina lost her mother to cancer when she was quite young. She also figured out pretty quickly that she doesn’t like to talk about it much. Juliana tried to be supportive when Valentina told her about her mother, but Valentina closed up quickly and her usually bright eyes turned cloudy. All Juliana could do was give her a hug, and distract her with something off topic. The first thing she could think of was a story about Mateo and his pranks. Last summer, he thought it would be funny to loosen the wheels on Juliana’s skateboard and, as predicted, she came tumbling off, scraping her arm and taking a small chunk out of her shoulder where she landed on a particularly sharp rock. She pointed at the small white scar for proof. Valentina reached out and touched the scar lightly, before placing a kiss on her finger and then pressing it back against the scar. 

“We all have scars, Val. Some are just internal, and those tend to hurt more. But it’s okay to talk about them, to show your scars every now and then. It’s what makes us who we are. And I really like who you are. Your mother is a part of you, so I’d like to hear more about her when you’re ready.”

Valentina’s eyes had gone wide and her mouth dropped open as she took in the words from the younger girl. 

“You always know the right thing to say, Juls.” She quivered, tears spilling from her eyes. 

Juliana also learned that Valentina was often left to her own devices, with her dad and brother too busy with work to spend time with her, and her sister rarely visiting from Mexico City. It became blatantly obvious to Juliana that that was the reason Valentina never had curfew, and could meet Juliana anywhere at a moments notice. 

“It must be nice not having your family around all the time, bothering you.” Juliana commented one afternoon, chewing on some fruit while sitting at the kitchen island of the hotel suite after their lunch time swim. 

Valentina sighed and rolled a blueberry between her index finger and thumb before popping it in her mouth. “Honestly Juls, it’s pretty lonely.”

“Val…” Juliana mumbled, watching her fingers play with the ends of Valentina’s still damp hair, worried she’d mentioned something she shouldn’t have.

“It’s fine. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. It’s been like this for a long time.” Valentina turned to face Juliana. “Ever since my mum died, my dad just threw himself into his work. It is partly why he’s so successful, but it does mean I barely see him. It was okay while Eva and Guille were around, even though Eva was always a pain in the butt.” She picked up a strawberry and began loosely pulling the green stem off the top. “Dad is now making Guille shadow him so he can also join the family business, so he isn’t around very much either anymore.”

Juliana reached up and gently cupped Valentina’s cheek, trying to express how sincere she was, gently rubbing her thumb over the soft skin. 

“I’m sorry you feel like that Val. But if it makes you feel any better, you’ll always have me. You could never get rid of me, even if you tried!” 

“You better be, girl! I’m lucky I met you.”

It was at The Carvajal, during one of their sleepovers that Juliana finally opened up about her own father. Valentina had asked before, while sunbaking at the beach, and Juliana had just said that he wasn’t around anymore, and that was it. She busied herself with reapplying sunscreen so Valentina let the subject drop. 

“I used to live in Mexico City, you know.” Juliana confided, staring blankly at the ceiling. “Before we came here, that’s where we lived.”

“That’s so cool Juls. You could come and visit me sometime!” Valentine turned to lay on her side, facing Juliana.

“I can’t go back there.” She whispered. 

Valentina found Juliana’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Why not?”

“We had to leave because of my father. He was violent; he used to hit my mama. So one night, mama woke me up and told me to be quiet. She had already packed my belongings into a backpack. She made me get dressed as quietly as I could in the dark, throwing my bag on my shoulders. She took my hand and led me into the living room and we snuck past my father. He was snoring, probably passed out from drinking. It was in the light of the living room I saw the blood on my mothers face and the marks on her wrists. We hitchhiked out of town, the driver’s destination being Arrizo. And that’s how we ended up here.” 

It felt good to release it all out into the open. She let out a deep breath as she felt Valentina’s grasp on her hand tighten. 

“That’s so brave.” 

“I know Mexico City is big and I probably wouldn’t see him, but I can’t go back there.”

“It’s okay, Juls. I’ll always come and find you.”

Valentina is leaving tomorrow, and all Juliana could think to do is invite her over for dinner. She had been avoiding inviting Valentina over to her house, purely because of the obvious differences. The house she lives in with her mama, Lupe, is a stark contrast to The Carvajal. It is small, but cosy. The two women have filled the house with new things that have become important to them since their arrival, attempting to forget their past life. It was tidy and neat, but nowhere near the extravagance of the penthouse suite at The Carvajal, and Juliana felt a little inadequate inviting Valentina over. But she wanted to cook for Valentina on her last night in Arrizo, so she swallowed her pride and extended the invitation to Valentina. 

“I didn’t know you could cook, chiquita!” Valentina had smiled. 

Juliana rolled her eyes. 

“Of course I’ll be there. And I’ll even bring desert. What time would you like me?”

And so, Juliana found herself preparing dinner in her small kitchen, while Lupe buzzed around doing some last minute tidying up. 

“I’m glad I can finally meet this girl after you’ve spent all summer attached to her hip, Juli.” Lupe mentioned casually as she re-stacked some magazines. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t invited her around earlier ma. Sometimes it’s just easier going up there.” Juliana continued to smash the avocados. 

A quick knock on the door made both women’s heads snap up and look at each other. 

“I’ll get it.” Juliana dropped her fork and rushed over to the door, pulling it open. 

Valentina stood on the threshold in a simple black summer dress that seemed to make her legs look even longer, her hair falling in its natural curls over her shoulders, a wide smile on her face, blue eyes glinting. She was holding a small box tied with red ribbon in one hand, a large bouquet in the other. 

“Juls! Hey!” She exclaimed. She held out the flowers. “These are for you and your ma.” 

Juliana took the flowers in one hand and grabbed Val in a one armed hug with the other. 

“I’m so glad you could come.” Juliana whispered in her ear. “Come in.” She said, stepping back into the house to allow Valentina to follow. 

Juliana turned to her mother. “Lupe, this is Valentina.”

Lupe didn’t hesitate. She stepped forward and enveloped Valentina in a warm hug. “I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already. It’s so great to meet you. Welcome to our home.” She blurted as Valentina returned the hug. 

“Thank you for having me over. I brought you this.” She said, handing over the brown box. “It’s desert. It should probably go in the fridge until later.”

Juliana walked into the kitchen and pulled out a vase, filling it with water and arranging the flowers in it. 

“Dinner is almost ready, take a seat.” Lupe said to Valentina, directing her to a chair at the dining table. She placed a glass of water in front of her and also took a seat at the table while Juliana made the finishing touches to dinner. 

“How has your summer been, Valentina?” Lupe asked.

“Oh, it’s been amazing. I’ve had the best time with Juls. I don’t know what I would have done these past weeks without her.” Valentina beamed at Juliana.

“She told me she took you to her favorite place. What did you think?”

“It took my breath away! I didn’t know places like that existed.” Valentina replied honestly.

“I’m glad you liked it.” Then she lent in close, resting her hand on Valentina’s, “Juli wouldn’t share that with just anyone.” She said beneath her breath so Juliana couldn’t hear. A genuine smile found it’s way onto Valentina’s face as Lupe winked at her. 

“Dinner is ready!” Juliana called, juggling three plates in her hands, placing them in front of their respective diners. “Dig in.” 

The three women continued to bond over dinner, the two young girls sharing stories and laughing at their many adventures over the summer. Lupe cleared the table of the dinner plates and replaced them with their desert treats Valentina brought along. All three women tucked into the pastries, complaining of full stomachs when they finished. 

“Your cooking was amazing, Juls. Thank you.” Valentina mused. 

“You two girls go and hang out, I’ll clean this up.” Lupe scraped her chair back and picked up their dirty plates, heading over to the sink. 

“Come, I’ll show you my room.” Juliana pulled Valentina up from her seat and led her down a short hallway into a bedroom. She shut the door behind them and watched closely for Valentina’s reaction. 

Valentina walked over to a corkboard hanging over a small desk, littered with papers in no apparent order. She gazed at the pictures, bringing her fingers up to trail the lines on the pages. 

“Did you draw these, Juls?” Valentina murmured, unable to tear her eyes away from the sketches.

“Yeah.” Juliana continued to watch Valentina, tilting her head.

“They are beautiful. I didn’t know you could draw.” Valentina was entranced. “This one, of the hands. It’s seriously stunning.” 

“Thanks, Val.” 

Juliana didn’t have the courage to mention that those hands are Valentina’s, drawn from memory. Instead, Juliana sat on the bed and waited for Valentina to join her. Eventually, Valentina turned and smiled at Juliana and sat down next to her, hands in her lap. 

“Thanks for inviting me over tonight. I’m glad to finally get to see where you live.” Valentina’s eyes sparkled with intensity. 

“I was a little apprehensive. I didn’t want you to think differently of me.” Juliana fidgeting with her hands, tearing her gaze away from Valentina. 

“What do you mean?” Valentina probed. 

“Well, look at where you live and look at my house. We’re worlds apart, Val.”

Valentina scoffed.

“Is that really want you think of me, Juls. That I would judge you for where you live?” Valentina sounded hurt, her voice lower than normal. 

Juliana looked up and found Valentina’s brows scrunched together. She immediately regretted what she had said, taking in Valentina’s hurt expression. Valentina is right, Juliana knew the older girl well enough now to know she doesn’t care about material things like wealth and possessions. 

“No, Val. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She took Valentina’s hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. “Forgive me?” 

Valentina’s face softened at the physical contact. She smiled slowly. 

“Of course. I could never stay mad at you for long.”

Both girls continued to sit and look at one another in comfortable silence, enjoying the company of the other. 

“I’m going to miss you.” Valentina whispered. 

Juliana smiled shyly and, without thinking, reached up to Valentina’s face. She tentatively touched her cheek, the brunette’s eyes closing at the feel. Juliana had no control over her actions, tracing her finger softly along the length of the perfectly shaped eyebrow, down Valentina’s cheek and along her jawline. She heard Valentina’s breathing become uneven as she brought her hand up into her hairline, brushing loose tendrils of hair behind her ear, softly pulling on the lobe, tracing her fingers delicately down the length of Valentina’s neck to her collarbone. She could hear her own breathing become ragged, trying to understand why her fingers felt like there was an electric current flowing through them as she touched the other girls face. What was she doing? Why couldn’t she stop? 

As her fingers reached Valentina’s collarbone, they stilled, and Valentina opened her eyes, deep blues swirling in their depths. Both girls just stared at one another, a shift in intensity from earlier. Juliana felt her mouth go dry as she continued to get lost in the ocean blue gazing back at her. She licked her lips, noticing Valentina’s eyes follow the motion. She observed Valentina’s lips at the same time, noticing how pink and soft they looked. She wondered what it would feel like to touch them. It took all of her strength to not reach out and trace them, too. 

After a few moments, when Juliana trusted her voice to work, she replied. “I’m going to miss you too, Val.” 

It all became a little too overwhelming when she saw the grin break out across Valentina’s face at her confession, eyes crinkling and lips parting deliciously. She leaned back a little to get a hold on whatever was happening to her body, finally breaking eye contact. She heard Valentina take a deep breath beside her, and she remembered to do the same, unsure if she had taken a breath at all over the past few minutes. 

She cleared her throat and stood up, walking over to her desk. She rummaged through the top draw and pulled out a small leather folder she bought from a market in town during the summer. She turned and sat back down on the bed, facing Valentina again. She couldn’t help but notice the faint blush tingeing Valentina’s face and chest as she struggled to make eye contact. 

She handed the folder over to Valentina, hoping the other girl didn’t notice the slight shake in her hands. 

“This is my parting gift to you.” She explained. “I hope you like it.”

Valentina’s eyebrows lifted in curiosity, running her hand over the leather stitching on the edge of the folder. Her index finger hooked under the lip of the folder and flipped it open, revealing a detailed and elaborate sketch of Valentina and Juliana, standing hand in hand in front of the pier at sunset. Juliana had challenged herself on the orange and yellows in the sunset, but worked hardest on Valentina’s eyes and hair, ensuring she was represented perfectly. It took Juliana almost a whole ream of paper to get the drawing just right, wanting this gift to be meaningful and precious to her best friend. She so desperately wanted to impress her, to express how much being apart is going to be hard for her. She wanted Valentina to have something to remember them by, so she’d never forget this summer, just as Juliana won’t. 

“Juls…” Valentina’s voice cracked. 

Juliana noticed the emotion in Valentina’s voice and scooted closer to her on the bed, wrapping one arm over her shoulders. Valentina looked up and Juliana could see eyes rimmed with tears. 

“Oh, Val. Please don’t cry. I just wanted to make something nice for you, to remember me by.”

Valentina snorted, wiping at her eyes. 

“It’s the most beautiful thing anyone has done for me. Thank you.” She carefully closed the folder and placed it next to her on the bed, only to turn and wrap Juliana up in a crushing hug. 

“You’re my best friend.” Valentina confessed.

“And you are mine, Val.”

After a few moments, they broke apart, Valentina still wiping her eyes. She checked her phone and looked back at Juliana. “I’ve got to go. I still haven’t packed and we leave first thing.”

“It’s okay. I’ll walk you to the door.”

The girls got up and Valentina tucked the leather folder firmly in one hand, reaching for Juliana’s with the other. 

As they got to the door, Valentina turned to face Juliana. 

“Will you write to me?” 

“Every week. I promise.” She held out her pinky finger, the most reasonable way she could think of to make a promise. 

Valentina smiled and hooked her own pinky in hers. 

“Deal.”

Lupe appeared from the kitchen, approaching the two girls. 

“Have a safe trip home, Valentina. It was lovely to meet you. And thank you for bringing desert.” She smiled at Valentina, hugging her again. 

“Thank you for having me in your home. I’ll see you next summer.”

“Yes, you will have to come by more often! I’ll leave you two to say your goodbyes.” She turned and left, squeezing Juliana’s arm as she went. 

“I guess I’ll see you next summer?” Juliana 

“Yeah, Juls. I’ll be here.”

They wrapped themselves in another powerful hug, a heavy feeling hanging between them, neither girl wanting to leave. This time, Juliana had the confidence to do what Valentina had done every time before. She leant back slowly and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Valentina’s cheek. 

“Bye, Val.”

They broke apart, smiling sadly at one another.

“Bye, Juls. 

********************

It was the last day of school before the Christmas break and and a package arrived at Juliana’s doorstep. Juliana picked it up as she unlocked the door and dropped her school bag on the couch. Her heart skipped a beat as she recognized Valentina’s scrawl on the front, neatly identifying Juliana’s address and her return address. She can’t help herself and tore it open, revealing a tidy brown package tied with black ribbon. There was a folded piece of paper shoved underneath the ribbon that Juliana released and opened. 

“DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS!”

Juliana groaned. Four days before she was allowed to open it. “I could open it now and she would never know…” she ponders. She knows herself too well and decided against that idea, conceding that she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret from Val. She walked over to the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room and carefully placed the package underneath it. 

The two girls have kept their promise, writing to one another every week since their separation. Juliana has struggled, missing Valentina’s presence in her life. She kept the letters in a shoebox under her bed. If she has a particularly rough day, she takes care to pull them out and read them, closely following the loops and curves of the text. She feels like she can feel Valentina’s bubbly energy reaching through the page and it calms her somehow. Juliana never thought she could miss another person so much, but she finds herself trying to remember the exact color of Valentina’s hair and tries to picture how the blonde highlights glint in the sunlight. She tries to remember how it felt to have her hand between her own, how sweet her voice sounds, her unique scent. She realizes she’s never paid this much attention to anyone else before, and she did question the depth of her feelings for Valentina after the older girl had left. Eventually, she boiled it down to the fact that she had never had a close girl friend before, and it was normal to notice these kinds of things about them. 

They discussed all kinds of things in their letters to one another. They shared stories from school, talked about their struggles in certain subjects and pressures about the future. Valentina talked more about adventures with her school friends and a few boys who might be interested in her. Juliana found out quickly that she didn’t like the idea of the boys Valentina spoke about, remembering their conversation at the waterfall. She hoped Valentina still had the same sense of joy and passion about the topic of love since their conversation. Even though she didn’t admit it to herself, she hoped most of all that none of those boys were the ones to help Valentina to discover it. 

Valentina asked Juliana if there were any love interests for her, to which Juliana always had the same reply: “I’m not really interested in anyone here, Val.” Sure, there were boys at school who tried to get her attention, but Juliana never showed any real interest in pursuing anything. She was always polite to her suitors, but never felt that spark or desire to be anything more than friends with any of them. She watched her classmates gush over boys and begin meaningless relationships and did wonder herself if she should be doing something different. 

“Mateo, do you think there’s something wrong with me?” Juliana asked her cousin one afternoon while walking home from school. 

“What do you mean?” Mateo juggled a soccer ball as they walked.

“Well, everyone seems to be getting into relationships and showing interest in boys, and I’m not interested in any of them.” Juliana picked at her nails as she spoke, nervous about the topic of conversation.

“Juli, most of the guys at school are drop kicks. It’s probably a good thing you aren’t interested in any of them.” He commented off hand, focusing on his balance.

“I know.” Juliana replied, watching the boy kick the ball. “Maybe there is something wrong with me.” She kicked at a rock along the road, fingers now looped in her backpack straps as she dragged her feet.

Mateo sensed Juliana’s unease and stopped, catching the ball in his hands. “I’ve seen boys trying to get your attention at school constantly. It seems you have no shortage of attention.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t feel anything towards any of those boys. I watch all the girls in my class gossip about which boy to date and who is the sexiest and it’s something I simply am not interested in. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

Mateo placed both his hands on Juliana’s shoulders and said “Juli, look at me. You’ve got your whole life to find someone you’re interested in. Don’t worry about it, chica! It just means you’re more mature than the rest of them.”

He gave her a wide smile and messed up her hair. Juliana squealed and punched him in the side of the ribs to get him to stop. He ran away, laughing, clutching his soccer ball under his arm. Juliana chased him the whole way home, feeling lighter after their conversation. 

Christmas morning came and Juliana couldn’t be more excited. She couldn’t sleep properly the previous night, thinking about what Valentina could have possibly sent her. She woke up Lupe and Panchito, and hustled Mateo and his mama and Lupita’s sister, Jessica through the door when they arrived. It was a new tradition for that the four of them would all open presents together Christmas morning, a tradition Juliana cherished. It was a stark contrast to their previous Christmases, often having nothing to open and trying to avoid Chino’s drunk behaviors. Juliana liked Christmas the best when Chino wasn’t there, Lupe taking the opportunity to whisk Juliana out to look at the Christmas decorations in the streets, coming home to create a special Christmas dish with whatever was in the pantry. 

Finally, Lupe, Panchito, Mateo, Jessica and Juliana sat around the tree and traded gifts. Juliana’s knee bounced when tearing open her gifts, keeping her eyes on the brown package with the black ribbon. She hugged her mama and Panchito when she opened a brand new sketch pad and a stack of new pencils, and thanked Jessica and Mateo for the book and perfume she received. There wasn’t much to it, with only a few gifts each, but all were grateful for what they received. The only thing left under the tree was the brown package. Lupe picked it up and handed it to Juliana. 

“I’m sure Valentina has thought carefully about this.” She said with a wink, knowing how excited Juliana had been ever since the package arrived. 

Juliana grinned and ripped open the paper. All eyes went wide when a white box with a black bitten apple stamped on it sat in Juliana’s lap. 

“Juli. Wow! That’s the newest iPhone.” Mateo remarked.

Juliana looked up at Lupe. “Woah.”

Lupe’s eyebrows were raised in shock. “That’s a very generous gift, Juliana.”

Juliana opened the box and another small piece of paper was folded inside. It read, “Juls. There’s a sim-card installed and I’ve already set the phone up so all you have to do it turn it on. My phone number is saved in the contacts. Call me! And I can explain, don’t be angry! xo”

Juliana excused herself from her family and rushed to her room, closing the door firmly behind her. She took the phone out of the box carefully, pressing the button to turn it on. The Apple symbol appeared, followed by a photo of a smiling Juliana and Valentina lying on the beach in Arrizo. Juliana gasped when she saw the photo of the girl, remembering when Valentina had held out her phone in front of them, telling Juliana to smile. She stared at the bluest eyes she had ever seen, noticing the drips of salty water stuck to her face and sand clinging to her hair. Juliana knew Valentina was gorgeous, but she had forgotten just how gorgeous. It took her breath away. 

After a few moments, she tapped the green button that looked like a phone and her “Favorites” appeared. She was not shocked to find Valentina had saved her number in this category. She tapped the screen again to call and held the phone up to her ear, suddenly feeling nervous to hear Valentina’s voice again. 

“JULS!” Valentina screamed down the phone after only two rings. 

Juliana couldn’t help but laugh. “Hey, Val.” 

“Oh my God, Juls. This has been torture! I’ve been waiting for far too long to hear your voice again.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while. But Val, you really didn’t have to…” her voice trailed off. She didn’t want to upset Valentina, but she didn’t want any pity either. 

“Juls, can we switch to video? I want to see you while I explain.”

“Ah, sure. I don’t know how to do that.”

She heard a beeping tone come from her phone and she looked at the screen. She hit the accept button and the display changed. One moment later and Valentina’s face lit up in front of her. She felt the grin spread its way across her face as she took in the older girl.

“Juls. It’s so good to see you.” Valentina uttered. 

“I’ve missed you.” Juliana sighed, not caring at how silly she sounded at the confession. 

Valentina’s gentle laugh made her heart skip a beat. 

“I’ve missed you too, Juls. So much. And that’s the reason behind this gift. I know you don’t want a big deal made about money, and it’s fine, I totally get it. But, I did this for totally selfish reasons. I couldn’t bear it any longer to not hear or see you. I mean, letters? I was sick of waiting by the letterbox to feel closer to you. This is a much easier and more convenient way to stay in contact. And I can see you! It’ll make this separation much easier.” Valentina spoke quickly.

“Val, I’m not mad. It’s just a lot of money. I don’t want you spending so much on me.” Juliana fidgeted, feeling awkward.

“Chiquita, it’s not even a dent. Please, don’t worry. And anyway, you gave me a gift when I left and I didn’t give you anything. So now, we’re even.” Valentina’s eyes bore into hers. 

A beat passed and Juliana finally let herself understand what this gift meant. Unrestricted access to Valentina, any time she wanted. She nodded through the phone with a smile.

“Okay, you’re right. Thank you. So much.”

“Merry Christmas, Juls.”

“Merry Christmas, Val.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all for constructive feedback if anyone has any! Thanks for reading. We have a way to go yet, I just hope I can do it justice :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls spend their second summer together, navigating family and feelings.

School finally came to an end for the year and the summer break stretched out in front of Juliana. She basically skipped home from school that afternoon, whistling while making Mateo and herself a milkshake, unable to wipe the smile off her face.

“What is wrong with you?” Mateo asked, one eyebrow raised, curious about the uncharacteristic mood. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Juliana replied nonchalantly as she scooped another lump of ice cream into the cup, singing a tune under her breath.

“You seem a little too pleased with yourself. What is going on?”

“Nothing. I’m just excited for the summer.” Juliana shrugged her shoulders. 

She screwed the blade cap onto the cup and turned the blender on, handing Mateo the finished product as she began making her own. 

“Anything about the summer you are particularly excited about?” Mateo teased, finally clicking onto what sparked Juliana’s joyous mood. 

Juliana looked up at Mateo quickly through her lashes, continuing to scoop the ice cream. 

Mateo continued to prod. “Maybe a particular person arriving next week…?” 

Juliana smirked at Mateo, rolling her eyes. “Alright, sure. I’m excited to see Valentina. It’s been a really long time.”

“Ohhhh Valentina!” Mateo laughed, feigning ignorance. 

“Oh shut up.” Juliana punched Mateo across the counter before placing her milkshake on the blender. 

A moment later, her phone dinged. She pulled it out of her back pocket and saw Valentina’s name flash across the screen. She unlocked it and opened the text.

V: Juls! I’ve convinced papa to come early. Turns out my charm still works! We’re arriving tomorrow, I couldn’t be away any longer. I can’t wait to see you! Meet you under the pier at 2pm?”

Juliana’s smile somehow crept wider. Mateo picked up a pen off the bench and threw it at Juliana to get her attention.

“I can only assume that message is from Valentina?” Mateo probed. 

“She’s coming tomorrow.” Juliana could barely contain her excitement, bouncing from foot to foot. 

“Should I say goodbye now then seeing as I won’t see you all summer?” Mateo joked. 

“Oh, whatever. You’re more than welcome to hang out with us and you know it.”

“I don’t really fancy being a third wheel.” He laughed. 

Juliana glanced back down to her phone and typed her reply. 

J: “Val. This is the best news! Of course, I’ll be at the pier at 2pm. I am beyond excited! Travel safe.”

She slid her phone back in her pocket, sipped on her milkshake and lost herself in dreams about what this summer might bring. 

********************

Three weeks into summer and it had begun just as everyone had expected. Valentina and Juliana spent almost every waking hour together, either at the beach, the waterfall, or the grounds of The Carvajal. Juliana continued to marvel at the older girl, constantly surprised by the overwhelming warmth that filled her chest each time the girl laughed, caught off guard each time Valentina’s eyes bore into hers with a comforting intensity, noticing how her heart still skipped a beat each time Valentina’s hand slid against her own.  
She also continued to push away that nagging feeling that perhaps this was something different, something more. It was always in the back of her mind, in her thoughts each time she noticed her body’s reactions to something Valentina did or said. She never felt like this for anyone, and could never put it into words, unsure the words even exist to describe this feeling. All she knew was she wanted to be close to Valentina, to wrap herself in the infectious energy Valentina emits, to breathe and be present in her world. 

They had just arrived back from their afternoon swim at the beach and Valentina walked to the fridge, pulling random items of food out and placing them on the bench for afternoon tea. There was an assortment of cheeses, deli meats, olives, crackers and fruit. Juliana placed her bag on the floor next to a bar stool at the kitchen counter and pulled the chair out, flopping clumsily into the seat. Chivis heard the girls making noise in the kitchen and came hustling out, shooing Valentina away with her hands. 

“Sit, girl. Let me do this.” Chivis said as she gently pushed Valentina aside. 

Valentina flashed a grin at Chivis, popped an olive into her mouth and made her way over to a speaker, a trill tune indicating she had turned it on. Juliana watched as she scrolled through her phone and selected a song, the smooth beat filling the living room and kitchen. She finds her eyes lingering on Valentina’s milky skin, which had bronzed slightly since the beginning of summer. Both girls were still in their bikinis, each wearing a loose beach kimono over the top. Juliana tore her eyes away from Valentina’s slim frame, reminding herself it wasn’t polite to stare. Valentina sat down on the bar stool next to Juliana and hummed along to the song as Chivis sat the platter of food in front of the girls, along with their own separate plates, a quick “thank you” aimed at Chivis as they salivated over the food in front of them. After a long day of riding bikes and swimming, the girls were famished. Chivis disappeared as the girls hooked into the food, barely a word spoken while they ate. 

Eventually, as their eating slowed, Valentina commenced humming along to the music, her foot tapping on the bar stool. 

“You like this song, huh?” Juliana asked.

Valentina looked at Juliana with a smile. “Yeah, I do. The beat is very catchy.” 

Juliana nodded her head in agreement. “You want to dance?”

Valentina raised her eyebrows and then lent her head back, looking at the ceiling. 

“I like to dance. But I’m not very good at it.” Valentina admits, a hint of anxiousness breaking through her usually confident façade. 

Juliana just laughed. “You can’t be that bad. C’mon. Let’s dance.” She said, grabbing at Valentina’s hand and pulling her in the spacious living room. 

“Juls.” Valentina huffed, trailing behind her. 

Juliana ignored Valentina, facing the older girl and holding their clasped hands out between them, closing her eyes and moving her hips to the beat of the song. She swings Valentina’s hands and shuffles her feet to the music, going with the lilts of the song, letting it wash over her. She enjoys dancing too, but usually in the comfort of her own bedroom. She opens her eyes slowly to see Valentina bopping slightly in front of her, watching her intently, a faint blush forming on her face and chest.

Valentina gave her a slight chuckle and bends her head forward, trying to hide her face behind a screen of long, brunette hair. Sensing Valentina’s discomfort and embarrassment, she tries not to laugh at her clear lack of coordination when it comes to dancing. Instead, she uses their mutual hold to pull Valentina closer.

“Here, let me show you.” Juliana says, taking one of Valentina’s hands and placing it on her shoulder, while keeping hold of the other. “Your hand stays on my shoulder, my hand will rest on your waist.” 

Valentina’s eyes are bright as she nods her head. 

“Is this okay?” Juliana asks, suddenly nervous at their proximity. 

Valentina just nods again, her teeth gently gnawing at her lower lip, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s. 

“Right.” Juliana clears her throat, trying to get a grasp on that faintly familiar pulling feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Just follow my lead. And relax.” 

Juliana slowly recommences what she was doing earlier, swinging her hips gently and shuffling her feet slowly. She can feel Valentina stiff in her arms, her hips jerking awkwardly. In an attempt to relax the older girl, Juliana softly rubs her thumb in small circles on Valentina’s hipbone, just above the fabric of her bikini bottom. She hears Valentina’s breath hitch slightly, she watches her eyes swirl and for a brief moment, she wonders for the first time if Valentina also feels this thing Juliana has been questioning. Instead of ruining the moment by pondering her mounting emotions, she allows herself to live in the moment, automatically pulling Valentina closer. She closes her eyes, tilts her head to Valentina’s shoulder and breathes in, reveling in the mixture of salt water lingering on her skin and the unique smell that is so deliciously Valentina. They stay like this for a while, Juliana feeling Valentina gradually relax in her embrace, her hips matching Juliana’s rhythm, her feet following Juliana’s lead.  
As they become more comfortable, the song changes and Juliana adjusts the rhythm of the swaying motion to match the slower beat. Her nerves rise as she feels Valentina’s hand grasp hers tighter, her arm moving over her shoulder to pull Juliana even closer. Juliana does her best to not overthink the situation, letting herself flow with the moment. She adjusts her hand from Valentina’s hip and moves it, gliding over the soft expanse of skin until she rests her hand on Valentina’s lower back. She places her palm firmly there and feels Valentina move into her body, their skin suddenly touching in more places, their chests pressing against one another. Juliana swears she can feel the heat coming off Valentina as she rests her chin on the brunettes shoulder. 

There is something very intimate about this moment and Juliana tries to commit it to memory. She wants to remember how Valentina’s skin seems to break out in goose bumps at her touch, how her chest seems to heave just as much as hers, how Juliana feels like she might combust at their closeness. She scrunches her eyes closed even tighter, trying to take the moment in. Juliana thinks fleetingly about placing her lips on the junction of where Valentina’s shoulder and neck meet. All she would have to do is turn her head slightly and her lips would meet the smooth skin there. She desperately wants to know what it would feel like, to press her lips against the milky skin; she wants to know what it would taste like. She is so close can feel her breath hitting the skin on Valentina’s shoulder and hopes the older girl can’t detect her internal struggle or notice the rise in nerves. She can feel Valentina’s fingers moving slightly on her shoulder, tingling with the contact. 

She wants more, she knows she does, something she has not been willing to admit to herself. But she doesn’t want to risk the other girl not reciprocating, or ruining the friendship they have. She has always made calculated judgments, not making decisions on a whim. So, she decides to not act on her feelings, to shove them into the back part of her brain. She decides not to act on emotion in this instance at risk of losing Valentina all together, something she is sure she could not survive. 

Suddenly, there is a loud knock on the door of the suite. Both girls jump away from one another quickly, as if they were caught doing something wrong. Valentina takes in a deep breath and finds Juliana’s eyes, smiling shyly. 

“I’ll get that” Valentina breaths, her eyes still far away. It seems as if she floats to the door, pulling it open as Juliana is glued in place, watching her. 

The visitor on the other side of the door has the same striking features as Valentina, but hers are somehow sharper, fiercer. The two women look at one another for a moment before Valentina reaches out and hugs the other woman affectionately. 

“What are you doing here, Eva?” She squeals, excited. 

It clicks with Juliana who this woman is and why she looks slightly familiar. Eva is Valentina’s older sister who lives in Mexico City. From what Juliana knows, she can be quite brash and unforgiving. Valentina confided in Juliana about her mothers’ death when she was much younger, causing Eva to step up into a sort of mothering role for her two younger siblings. This made Eva grow up quicker than she should have and made her resent the world to a degree, generally harboring distrust towards others due to a severe protectiveness over her family. 

“I’ve come to visit. I thought it was about time I saw this place for myself.” Eva replied, stepping past Valentina and into the suite. She spotted Juliana standing in the living room and stops, narrowing her eyes at the stranger in the space. 

“Vale, who is this?” She questions, never taking her eyes off Juliana. 

All Juliana can do it gulp and attempt to smile at Eva, wishing to make a good impression on her best friends sister. 

Valentina makes it to Eva’s side and grins, extending her hand to Juliana as if presenting her to Eva. 

“Eva, this is my best friend I’ve told you about, Juliana.” She says proudly. “Juliana, this is my sister, Eva.” She says to Juliana. “I’m so glad you two can finally get to know one another!”

Eva tilts her head slightly, still regarding Juliana. Juliana finds the courage to extend her hand to Eva, taking a few steps forward. “It’s nice to meet you, Eva.” She tries her best to sound casual. 

A moment passes and Eva hasn’t taken Juliana’s hand. She wonders how long she should leave her hand out, wanting to melt into a puddle under Eva’s stare. Finally, Eva takes Juliana’s hand and gives it a firm shake. Juliana realizes it’s nothing like Valentina’s soft touch, feeling rough and harsh, not at all welcoming. She winces at the strong hold and is grateful when Eva lets go. 

“I’ve organized family dinner here tonight with everyone.” Eva states, turning to look at Valentina. 

“Papa and Guille will be here for dinner?” Valentina responds, her eyebrows slightly raised. 

“Yes. Obviously.” Eva is stern with her answer. Juliana gets the impression she would be very successful in business, a formidable woman to deal with. 

“Well, it’s not obvious to me. I rarely have dinner with them. They work an awful lot, I hardly see either of them.”

Eva just rolls her eyes, either not detecting her sisters’ melancholy tone, or just not caring about it. “Don’t be so dramatic, Vale.” She turns and continues towards the wide hallway, looking into the bedrooms to find one that was unlived in, eventually moving into a room with her suitcase in tow. 

“I better go, Val.” Juliana turns to Valentina, not wanting to impede on the sisters clear need for quality time. 

Valentina reaches for Juliana’s hand, grasps it and brings it up to her mouth. “No!” She whines. “Please stay with me. Stay for dinner. I don’t want to face them all on my own.” 

“Val. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You need to spend time with your family.” She explains, trying not to focus on Valentina’s lips resting on her hand. 

Valentina pouts. “Please Juls. For me?” 

Juliana takes in a deep breath. She knows she can’t say no to the older girl. One corner of her mouth rises, regarding Valentina and her pleading face. 

“Fine.” She says eventually with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. 

Valentina laughs freely. “Thank you! C’mon. Let’s get ready.” She says as she drags Juliana down to her room and closing the door behind them. 

**************

Juliana realizes this isn’t exactly a casual dinner when Valentina lends her a beautiful red dress, one she hasn’t seen Valentina wear before. It hugs her frame tightly, accentuating her curves in all the right places. Juliana stares at herself in the full length mirror in Valentina’s bathroom, unsure about what to think. She had never worn anything like this before and wasn’t sure if she liked how her body looked, or whether she felt out of place and uncomfortable wearing something so obviously expensive and beautiful. Valentina came up behind her with something in her hand, wearing a deep blue dress that complimented her bright blue eyes. When Juliana saw Valentina’s reflection behind her, she gasped, her eyes widening and taking in the sight, pausing over the deep neckline that accentuated the small rises on her chest. Valentina blushed slightly and placed her hand on Juliana’s shoulder, gently guiding her to turn around and face her. 

“I’ve got something else for you.” She breathed. 

Juliana got lost in Valentina’s eyes, sparkling more than ever before, intense as they connected. Juliana thinks she will never tire of gazing into the blue depths, unsure how a pair of eyes can be so entrancing. She is so lost in her own thoughts she doesn’t realize Valentina has a lipstick in her hand, that she has pulled off the top and is now hovering it over her lips. It’s when Valentina breaks eye contact to look at Juliana’s lips that she notices Valentina is waiting for permission. Juliana nods slightly and Valentina moves forward, pressing the lipstick to her lips, swiping it gently across her mouth. Juliana can feel Valentina’s hot breath on her face and watches as she concentrates, taking her bottom lip between her teeth and narrowing her eyes slightly, focused on the task at hand. Juliana takes the time and proximity to sweep her eyes over Valentina’s face, wishing she could touch the light spatter of freckles on her nose and cheekbones. 

Valentina pulls away slightly, the lipstick still in her hand. She rolls in back down into it’s casing and tells Juliana to smack her lips together. 

“Perfect. You look beautiful.” She said, winking at Juliana. “Are you ready?” 

“Sure, if you are.” She replied, suddenly nervous. She had never met Valentina’s father, had only seen Guille a handful of times, and is a little scared of Eva already from their brief encounter. She is worried about how tonight is going to go, never having to navigate formal family dinners herself, one benefit of having such a dysfunctional family. Dinner with Lupe and Panchito were always easy, just the three of them, and dinners with Chino were not formal, often eating in front of the TV or in her bedroom on her own. 

Valentina took Juliana’s hand in her own and led her out to the dining area of the suite, where Eva and Guille were already standing and talking. 

“Ah, Juliana. It’s so good to see you again.” Guille greeted Juliana warmly, placing a quick peck on her cheek, before picking Valentina up in a big hug. Valentina giggled and hugged back just as fiercely. 

Just as Guille placed Valentina back on the ground, footsteps approached them from the front foyer. They all turned to see a handsome older man approach them with a beautiful blonde woman holding his arm. Juliana felt Valentina stiffen slightly beside her. She turned her head to look at Valentina, unsure of her reaction to the current situation. Her mouth was open slightly, her brow furrowed, a look of confusion on her face. 

“Good evening, everyone.” The man who Juliana assumed was Mr Carvajal addressed the room, coming to a halt in front of his children and Juliana. 

There was silence in the room for a moment, no one sure of what to do or say next. It was Eva who broke the awkwardness. 

“Papa. It’s so good to see you.” She moved in front of him and gave him a kiss on both cheeks. “And who is this?” She asked, turning to face the blonde woman. 

The man’s eyes scan the room once more and his eyes linger on Juliana, clearly unsure of who she is and what she is doing here. She took a slight step backwards.

“Well, children. Since you’re all here, I’d like to introduce you to someone special in my life. This is Lucia.” He beamed, clearly proud of the woman on his arm. 

Lucia smiled and Juliana can see the nervousness behind her eyes. She can almost relate to the woman, feeling like they were both outsiders in this moment. “It’s lovely to meet you all.” Lucia made eye contact with them all. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Juliana hears Eva scoff, and watches Mr Carvajal’s head snap towards her, delivering a penetrating gaze. Eva straightened and Juliana could hear the sarcasm drip in her tone of voice. “Lovely to meet you, Lucia.” She turned and took a seat at the table, clearly sour about the introduction of the woman. 

Guille approached Lucia next, giving her a kiss on each cheek in greeting. “Sorry about Eva.” He said in a low voice. “It’s nice to see you again, Lucia.” He patted his father on the shoulder and also moved to take a seat at the table. 

Valentina is next, but it seems she is glued to the spot. Mr Carvajal moved towards her, taking Lucia with him. 

“Vale. Are you okay?” 

Juliana watched Valentina adjust her features and smile. “Of course, papa. Just surprised.” She also greeted Lucia. “It’s lovely to meet you.” 

She then turned to Juliana. “Papa, I’d like to introduce you to my best friend, Juliana.” 

Juliana held her hand out as she had with Eva earlier that day, and Mr Carvajal accepted it straight away. “You’re the famous Juliana. I’m glad you could join us tonight.” His handshake was warm and inviting. 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“Please, call me Leon.” He said with a smile. 

Juliana returned the smile and then held her hand out for Lucia. “And it’s lovely to meet you too, Lucia. That’s a beautiful dress.” 

Lucia unlinked her arm from Leon and took Juliana’s. “Thank you, Juliana.”

They all then move to the table, Juliana watching as Valentina made sure they were sitting next to one another. 

Once they were all seated, they started filling their glasses with wine. Valentina held the bottle over Juliana’s glass with a raise of her eyebrow in question. 

“No thanks, Val. I’ll stick to water.” 

Chivis then entered the room with the entrée, placing each plate delicately in front of each person. 

“So, Juliana. I hear you have been keeping my daughter company these past two summers. You’re a local here?” Leon asked, searching for more information. 

“That’s right. I live here.” Juliana looked to Valentina. “We became fast friends, I guess.” 

“She made us come here almost a week early this summer, and it wasn’t to spend time with me.” He commented with a grin. 

“Papa.” Valentina groaned. 

“It’s okay. I’ve noticed Valentina has been much happier since you have entered her life. I’m grateful for that.” He said seriously. “We’ve gone through enough. It’s nice to see her laugh again.” 

Guille reached across and pinched Valentina’s cheek, chuckling. 

“Stop it!” Valentina whined. 

“How long have you two been seeing one another?” Eva’s question changes the air in the room, her tone quite aggressive, eyes staring at her father. 

Leon dropped his fork, facing Eva. “A little while, Eva. I hope you can put aside your preconceived ideas about who I should or should not be dating, attempt to get to know Lucia and accept her into this family.” His calmness disappeared, his disposition considering Eva seriously. 

“But she isn’t family.” Eva stated. 

“This is new, Eva. We’ll get used to it.” Guille chimed in, trying to keep the peace. 

“How long have you known, Guille?” Valentina directed her question to her brother. Juliana can sense the note of hurt in her voice. 

His face fell slightly, understanding Valentina heard him greet Lucia earlier. “A couple of weeks.”

“Look. I don’t want you fighting about this. Your mother has been gone a long time. It’s about time I moved on. You will get to know Lucia and you will see how lovely and kind she is.” He brushes Lucia’s cheek with his knuckles. “She will never replace your mother. But I do expect you to show her some respect.” 

Lucia blushed as Eva rolled her eyes. 

The conversation over dinner continued, discussing topics such as literature, business and travel. Juliana felt a little out of her depth, but was happy to watch as Valentina interacted with her family, observing the strong banter with her brother, her loving regard for her father, her willingness to include Lucia into the conversation and her ability to slightly thaw a generally icy Eva, occasionally eliciting a smile or giggle from her sister. 

As desert was served, Leon addressed Valentina. 

“Have you read through the University course book I gave you?”

“Yes, papa.” Valentina looked anywhere but her father. Juliana could tell immediately this was a sensitive topic of conversation. 

“And you are happy with the course I picked for you?” He asked. 

Valentina sighed and pushed the brownie around her plate with her fork.

“Can we talk about this later, papa?” She begged. 

Leon clearly sensed Valentina’s hesitation to continue the conversation. “Sure, mi hija. We’ll discuss it next week.” 

Valentina nodded, still looking down. Juliana grabbed Valentina’s hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. She looked up and offered a closed-mouth smile. 

As the night finally came to a close, Juliana fare welled Valentina’s family and moved away to Valentina’s room to get changed. She was back in her regular clothes, face cleaned when Valentina entered the room. She took in Juliana’s dressed state and frowned. 

“No. Please stay with me tonight?” 

“I think you need to spend some time with your family, Val.” 

Valentina walked towards her. “Please?” She asked again, disregarding what Juliana had just said. 

Juliana looked away. She knew her resolve was slipping. She hadn’t yet found a way to say no to Valentina. 

“Fine. But I’m leaving first thing.” 

Valentina squealed and brought her into a crushing hug. 

“I’ll get ready for bed, then. Grab some pajamas out of the draw.”

Juliana did as she was told, changing into a set of Valentina’s pajamas while the older girl was in the bathroom. She sent a quick text to her mother to let her know she’d be home in the morning. She crawled under the covers and waited for Valentina to join her. 

Valentina slid under the covers and turned the light off, getting comfortable under the sheet, turning to face Juliana. 

“Thanks for being here with me tonight.” She whispered into the night. 

Juliana mirrored Valentina’s position, lying on her side and facing the brunette.

“No where else I’d rather be, Val.” She said, honestly. 

She remembered back to earlier that day, holding Valentina close as they danced in the living room. She remembered the closeness, the feel of Valentina’s skin under her fingers, the pull in her stomach, the want. She also remembered the pact she made to herself, to not let it get out of control, to put their friendship first, not acting on any feelings deeper than friends. She took a deep breath, bringing herself back to reality. 

“You seemed tense when your papa asked about University.” Juliana tried deflecting to another topic. 

Valentina shifted, shaking her head and laying on her back. 

“He wants me to study business, to join the family company. But I have no interest in it. I want to write.” Valentina shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know how to tell him.”

Juliana traced her fingers down Valentina’s arm. “You just have to be honest with him. I’m sure he’ll understand.” 

Valentina sucked air in between her teeth. “I’m tired. You want to sleep?”

“Yeah, Val.” Juliana mumbled, reading Valentina’s body language to know she was still mulling over the conversation with her father. “Good night.”

“Night, Juls.”

**********

Juliana saw less of Valentina over the next week, spending more time with her family. Eva was still in town and Valentina wanted to spend some time getting to know Lucia. That also meant her father was around more. Juliana was happy Valentina was finally getting the family time she craved, but it didn’t mean that she didn’t miss having her around all the time. 

Juliana was sitting at her desk one night finishing up on a sketch when she heard a light tapping on her window. She looked up, squinting towards the window trying to see if it was her imagination or if there was really something out there. 

“Juls.” A familiar voice called out. 

She dropped her pencil and walked towards the window. She saw Valentina standing in the dark, her eyes rimmed red and face wet with tears. 

“Val, what’s wrong?” She began removing the fly screen from her window, sliding it aside and helping Valentina climb up and through. The older girl landed gracefully in Juliana’s bedroom and immediately flung her arms around her. All Juliana could do was reciprocate the embrace while Valentina cried on her shoulder. She sobbed while Juliana rubbed her back and gently played with the ends of Valentina’s hair, occasionally whispering calming words into her ear. 

Eventually Valentina’s body stopped shaking, her sobs became sniffles, and her hold became less urgent. 

“Come sit on the bed.” Juliana stepped back slightly, taking Valentina’s hand and directing her to the bed. “What happened?” She asked, concerned. 

Valentina closed her eyes and wiped at her cheeks. Juliana took a handful of tissues off her desk and handed them to Valentina. 

“I got in an argument with Papa.” She stated clearly.

“I’m sorry, Val.”

“It’s fine. It was about University. I told him I didn’t want to join the family business.” Her shoulders slumped down even further. 

“I take it that didn’t go well.” Juliana whispered, trailing her fingers through Valentina’s hair as she spoke. 

Valentina scoffed. “He yelled at me. Told me I didn’t have a choice. That writing wasn’t a stable career. That if he was paying for my education, I’d do what I was told.” A solitary tear fell down her cheek. This time, Juliana swiped her thumb gently over Valentina’s skin, wiping it away. 

“I’m sorry it happened that way.” Juliana felt hopeless.

“I’m sorry I haven’t spent much time with you lately. I leave next week so I promise I won’t waste any more of our time together.” Valentina sounded defeated. 

“It’s okay, Val. Whatever you like.”

“Can I stay here tonight?” Valentina asked. 

They had never slept over at Juliana’s house before. Her bed was much smaller, The Carvajal being much more comfortable. Juliana didn’t hesitate. 

“Of course you can.” 

“I’m so tired.” Valentina sighed, rubbing her eyes. 

Juliana stood and pulled a t-shirt and shorts out of her dresser for Valentina to change into. 

“Let’s go to bed then. I’ll be right back.”

Juliana picked up her own pajamas and headed out to the bathroom. She got ready for bed, and then made her way down to the living room where Lupe and Panchito were watching TV. 

“Valentina is going to stay here tonight. Is that okay?”

Lupe’s eyebrows creased, clearly wondering when the girl arrived and how she didn’t notice. Juliana noticed the hesitation and before she was asked, continued, “She’s had a fight with her papa and is really upset.”

Panchito was the one who answered. “Of course, Juli.” 

Juliana smiled at her step-father and mother. “Thanks. Night.”

When she re-entered the bedroom, she noticed Valentina was already snuggled up in the bed, changed into the clothes Juliana had given her. She closed the door behind her, turned her desk lamp off, and climbed into bed with Valentina. They were in much closer proximity than they would be at The Carvajal, the small bed not allowing much room for the two of them. Juliana settled onto her side, trying to leave some space between them. She could smell Valentina’s shampoo in her hair and watched the rise and fall of her shoulders. Gradually, Valentina’s breathing slowed. 

“Can you hold me?” Valentina’s whispered words punctuated the silence. 

Without waiting for a response, Valentina reached behind, grabbed Juliana’s hand and pulled it over her body, not letting go. Juliana automatically went with the motion, her front mounding into Valentina’s back. Valentina shifted, intertwining their legs, shuffling back into Juliana further and sighing contently. Juliana relaxed into the cuddle, resting her nose on Valentina’s neck, breathing her in. They had slept in the same bed plenty of times before, but never this close. Electricity coursed through Juliana’s veins as she relished the closeness, enjoying the comfort it brought. She thought it felt normal, as if their bodies connected this way too easily, fit together like puzzle pieces. 

She focused on slowing her breathing, trying not to get too overwhelmed by Valentina’s fragrance. Eventually, both girls fell asleep holding one another tightly. 

*************

Juliana woke up abruptly with the sun in her eyes, confused. She looked over to the window, the blinds still open and fly screen removed. She remembered why, and turned to look beside her. It was then she felt the weight on her arm. Valentina slept soundly, her features soft, her body pressed into Juliana’s, her arm draped over Juliana’s stomach. Juliana couldn’t help herself and reached out, brushing some hair out of her face to reveal plump lips formed into an adorable pout. They had never woken up this close before, wrapped up in one another. Juliana took a few moments to just lie there, a smile finding its way across her face. 

She got an idea, and slowly extricated herself from under Valentina, watching the older girl stir and fold into herself as the warmth of Juliana left the bed. She crept over to her cluttered desk and took the sketchpad she was drawing in last night and flipped over the page, picking up the graphite pencil and getting comfortable in her desk chair. She swiveled and took in the image of a sleeping Valentina, pencil hovering over the page, eyes darting over the scene in front of her. 

As soon as her pencil hit the paper, she got lost in the trance, drawing sharp lines that eventually turned into soft, sweeping curves. She worked hard on Valentina’s face, capturing the essence of calm the sleeping girl emitted. As much as Juliana appreciated an alert and awake Valentina, sleeping Valentina was a whole other world that Juliana realized she would be happy to wake up next to every morning. The light streaming through the window reflected off Valentina’s hair, highlighting the natural blonde streaks. Juliana grunted at the plainness of the graphite pencil, wishing she could capture the colors as well, knowing she could never do it justice. 

As Juliana kept working, the sunlight moved slowly to Valentina’s face. The brightness slowly woke Valentina from her slumber. She stirred, bringing her arms up to her face to rub her eyes. Juliana watched her as she noticed there is no body next to her, a frown developing on her brow, until she locked eyes with Juliana on the desk chair. A small smile greeted Juliana, that pulling feeling settling into her core.

“Morning.” Valentina croaked, voice thick with sleep. “What are you doing?”

Juliana picked up her sketchpad, flipped the cover over and sat on the side of the bed. “Drawing you.” She stated. 

Valentina paused, a look of pleasant surprise on her face. She opened her eyes fully and leant up on her elbow, her hair cascading over her shoulder. 

“Can I see?” 

Now it was Juliana’s turn to pause. She suddenly became anxious. What if Valentina hated it? Valentina sensed Juliana’s unease and placed her hand on Juliana’s. “Please?” 

Juliana nodded once and handed Valentina the sketchpad, opening it to the page she had been working on. “It isn’t quite finished.” 

Valentina’s eyes scanned the image, her mouth opening slightly and her eyebrows rising faintly. Juliana struggled to read her expression, hoping it was one of appreciation and awe, not of disgust. 

Valentina’s slender fingers traced the image softly, following the lines on the paper. “Is this how you see me?” 

“Yes.” Juliana replied simply. Then, after a moment she added, “You’re beautiful.” 

Valentina’s eyes met Juliana’s, swirling blues blinking through long lashes. Valentina sat up then, facing Juliana. She moved slowly, taking Juliana’s face between her hands and bringing her head close, resting their foreheads together. Their breathing was ragged, an intensity crackling between them. Juliana could feel Valentina’s breath hit her lips, her heart racing. Valentina shifted slightly, their noses brushing together. Juliana swallowed deeply, unsure where this was going but willing to go along with whatever Valentina wanted. 

There was a sharp knock on Juliana’s bedroom door, and they separated immediately, snapping out of their moment. 

“Breakfast, girls.” Lupe called through the door. 

“Be right there, ma.” Juliana responded quickly, hoping her voice sounded normal. 

The girls looked at one another again, attempting to catch their breath, gazing openly at one another. Juliana couldn’t wrap her head around what just happened. Before she could say anything, Valentina broke eye contact and glanced back down at the sketch. 

“Can I keep this, Juls? Please?” 

Juliana was thrilled Valentina liked what she saw, eager to please the older girl. 

“Of course, yeah.” 

She picked up the sketchpad and carefully tore the image out of the book. She handed it to the girl who grinned at her. 

“You want some breakfast?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not sure I've developed this the way I wanted to. But anyway, next chapter will see some serious developments ;).  
I hope you're still with me, I would love to know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another summer rolls around. The girls try to work out what it all means.

Another school year ended, another summer rolled around. But this time it was different for Juliana. Valentina wouldn’t be spending her summer in Arrizo this year. She is approaching her final year of schooling and her father has requested she accompany him to their international hotels to begin learning the ropes of the business world. After their argument last summer, Leon refused to back down, and Valentina eventually succumbed to the idea of what Leon wanted for her. She would finish her last year of school, and then go to University to study Business Management, continuing the family tradition of working for The Carvajal Group. 

V: I’m sorry Juls. You know I’d rather be there with you.

J: It’s okay, Val. I’ll just miss you, that’s all. I already miss you. 

V: I miss you too, chiquita. We’re off to Barcelona on Tuesday, and then make our way around Europe, then Asia on our way back to the USA. I don’t know how much contact I’ll have but I’ll message you when I can, okay?

J: Sure, Val. And have fun. Be safe. 

One week into summer and Juliana had only spoken to Valentina twice. The older girl was busy with her father, and even though they had texted every now and then, they had only had the opportunity to FaceTime twice. Valentina already looked tired, the jetlag and long days catching up to her. 

“Where are you?” Juliana asked a visibly exhausted Valentina. 

“Um. Paris. We arrived here this morning. We’re off to Munich on Monday.” She mumbled, stifling a yawn. “How has your summer been so far?”

“I start work at Panchito’s ice-cream shop next week. I’m too bored without you here to keep me company so I thought I might as well make myself useful.” 

“That will be fun! You can eat ice cream all summer. My dream job.” Valentina joked. 

“If you come back, I’ll give you as much ice cream as you want.” Juliana tried not to sound desperate when she spoke, not wanting the older girl to realize how lost she felt without her. 

Valentina sighed through the phone, her shoulders dropping. “I know, Juls.” She paused; the girls just stared at each other through their screens. Juliana longed to reach out and give her a hug. “Look, I’ve got to go. It’s late and I’m exhausted.” 

“Yeah, of course, you must be tired. I’ll talk to you whenever you can call next, okay?” Juliana tried to sound upbeat.

“Miss you, Juls. Talk soon, chiquita.” She blew a kiss through the phone and then the screen changed, Juliana’s regular home screen appearing. 

Juliana sighed and threw her phone on the bed next to her, curling up into the fetal position. It was still late afternoon in Arrizo. She knew she would normally be down on the beach or up at The Carvajal, lazing around with Valentina, but she couldn’t motivate herself to do anything. She had spent most of the first week of summer drawing in her bedroom or reading a book, her thoughts often finding it’s way back to the tall brunette girl. She found herself constantly checking her phone for any texts or missed calls, always disappointed when her phone was blank. She felt misplaced, disoriented. It was not a feeling she wanted to ever get used to.

She made a conscious decision to not mope around all summer, to distract herself with activities so she wasn’t pining after Valentina all holidays. She picked up her phone and called Mateo, organising to meet him at the pier, promising she would make the jump with him this time. 

********************* 

Four weeks flew by as Juliana spent most of her time working at Panchito’s Ice Cream, or swimming with Mateo, Alex and friends. The holiday had been hard, and she was trying her best to not think about Valentina too much. She distracted herself with work and play, trying to keep her mind busy. Spending time with Mateo and Alex helped, they made her laugh and she enjoyed the companionship they offered. But it just wasn’t the same. She couldn’t quite place the feeling, but her body almost ached whenever she thought of the older girl. It wasn’t like during the school year, when they were both studying and living their normal lives. Juliana had almost grown accustomed to the idea of having Valentina around for every summer for the rest of their lives. She hadn’t quite considered that life might get in the way, and that their summers may be fleeting, that they might come to an end eventually. At 16, spending summers on the beach with her best friend seemed like a reasonable way to spend her life, not thinking too much further ahead. But maybe Valentina would forget about her when she started college and began her real life. Maybe this was just a summer friendship that faded over time. Juliana couldn’t bear the thought of not having Valentina in her life, the idea of it simply unfathomable. 

Juliana was also still trying to manage her feelings for Valentina. She was constantly having an internal battle over what the other girl really meant to her. She often reflected on the feeling of warmth, comfort and happiness she experienced whenever Valentina was around. She remembered wanting to be close to Valentina, the urge to place her lips on her skin, to make her laugh, to make her feel good. She knows her emotions for Valentina are strong, and she appreciates that has never felt anything like it for another person. It was all so complicated, the distance possibly playing a part in her confusion. But perhaps it was normal, and she would feel the same thing for other people she becomes close to in the future. 

The pair had spoken whenever Valentina could manage, but it simply was not the same as having her around. She missed her company dreadfully. It didn’t help that Valentina hadn’t text or called over the past two days, which was a strange occurrence. They generally exchanged texts at least once a day, even if only to check in on one another.

It was Thursday, the last week of summer holidays, and Juliana was finishing up her shift in the ice cream shop. She had just finished mopping the floor when she heard the bell on the door ring, an indication of someone entering. Panchito was out the front so Juliana continued cleaning up the bucket and mop she had just used, putting them away out the back. 

“Juliana!” Panchito called from the front. 

“Yeah?” She replied, untying her apron and placing it on the hook. She picked up her small bag and checked her phone quickly. Still nothing from Valentina. 

“Come here, please!” 

His voice was a little higher than usual. Juliana sighed and made her way out to the front counter, shoving her phone back in her bag. As she parted the plastic sheets separating the front to the back of the shop, she froze. Standing by the cash register was the most beautiful person she had ever seen, long brown hair flowing down her shoulders, blue eyes shimmering. Juliana’s eyes went wide and she forgot how to breathe.

“Val?” The words barely made a sound.

Valentina just grinned at her from ear to ear, slowly nodding her head. 

Juliana’s brain finally registered what was happening, and she dropped her bag where she was and practically jumped over the counter to get to Valentina. The older girl just stood there and laughed with her arms open, watching Juliana clumsily attempt to make her way to her. As soon as Juliana dove into Valentina’s arms, everything else seemed to fade away, Juliana’s world began spinning into orbit again, the colors came back into view in her world, all her feelings of floating adrift dissipating. She smiled into Valentina’s neck, breathed in her scent, and let the warmth overtake her. She felt Valentina relax against her, and she never wanted to let go, a feeling of familiarity and neediness seeping into her bones. That pulling sensation she only notices around Valentina suddenly returning in the pit of her stomach, replacing the dull ache she has become accustomed to over their time apart. 

“Hey, chiquita.” Valentina whispered, placing a kiss on Juliana’s temple. “I’ve missed you.”

Juliana pulled back slightly to gaze into those perfect blue eyes. “I can’t even explain how much…” she started, suddenly aware of the stinging feeling in her eyes. 

Valentina’s face formed into a pout, bringing her thumbs up to brush away tears that had fallen from her eyes, their bodies still connected in every possible way. 

“Don’t cry, Juls.”

“I’m just surprised. I didn’t think I’d see you.” She sniffed. 

“A good surprise, I hope. I had to fight with papa to let me come here. I don’t have long, unfortunately.”

“When did you get back into Mexico?” Juliana scrunched her eyebrows, curious as to why she didn’t let her know she had returned. 

Valentina sensed her displeasure. “Juls, I only got back in this morning. Papa didn’t want me coming here at all. But I put my foot down and told him I had to see you. I wanted it to be a surprise, that’s why you haven’t heard from me. I could never forget about you.” 

Juliana felt her face soften at the confession, relieved that Valentina had escaped and was here, in front of her. And then something Valentina said registered. “When do you have to go back?” 

Valentina’s mouth downturned slightly. “Saturday. I have to go back to Mexico City to get ready for school. I only have two nights here. But the trip was worth it already.” She winked at Juliana, pulling her in for another hug, holding each other tight, as if the other might disappear if they let go. 

Both girls released one another slightly and turned their heads to look at Panchito as he cleared his throat, watching the two embrace one another. He smiled shyly. 

“Juliana, your shift is over. Why don’t you two go and spend some time together?” 

Juliana looked up at Valentina, who was still roughly 2 inches taller than her. “Do you want to go for a swim?” 

It was mid afternoon and the summer heat still lingered heavily in the Mexican coastal town. 

“Let’s do it.” Valentina grinned, her hand finding Juliana’s as she turned and began walking out of the shop. Juliana pulled her slightly and let go. “Wait up a minute.” She raced back around the counter, picked up her bag from the ground, smacked a quick peck on Panchito’s cheek and hurried back to Valentina. “Please tell mama I won’t be home for dinner!” She called as she slid her hand into Valentina’s again, walking out of the store and into the heat. 

Valentina pulled Juliana over to a black SUV parked on the curb, opening the door and climbing in. Juliana raised an eyebrow, but followed her lead and got in behind her. 

Valentina waited until Juliana was settled beside her before asking, “Do you have your bikini or do we need to stop by your house?”

Juliana simply held her bag up in front of her and said, “I’m good to go.”

“Oh. Well I’ll grab my stuff and we’ll go and change. Alirio, you can go back to The Carvajal. We’ll be fine here.” Valentina spoke kindly to the driver. 

Valentina picked up her bag, checked she had everything in it she needed, and slid out of the car, Juliana following her again. 

“I should have known you’d have a driver.” Juliana observed with a smirk. 

Valentina just rolled her eyes. “Yes, our family employs people to drive us. I don’t usually use them while we’re here but Alirio drove me here this afternoon.” 

Juliana found Valentina’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just teasing you. It’s fine.”

Valentina giggled and Juliana couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself on her face at the sound. They crossed the street hand in hand and changed into their bikinis in the public change rooms at the beach entrance. They made their way onto the sand and settled onto their beach towels. It didn’t take long for them to heat up, the blue water enticing them in.

The girls dove into the crystal blue, letting the cool water refresh their heated skin. Juliana laid back and floated, focusing on her breathing, relaxing into the current, and letting it take her wherever it went. After a minute, she felt a warm hand slide into her own. She turned her head slightly and discovered Valentina floating beside her, eyes closed, a serene smile on her face. She followed suit, closing her eyes, her concentration suddenly shifting to the presence of the beautiful girl beside her. Her brain noting how relaxed and comfortable she felt, knowing Valentina was by her side, floating with her, complete trust in the other. 

Juliana didn’t know how long they stayed that way, marveling in the feeling of the sun on her skin contrasting against the cool water around her body and the magnetic girl by her side. She wondered if her life could be any better than in this moment. 

She unexpectedly felt Valentina stir beside her, snapping her out of her daydream. She moved too and tried touching the bottom, but her toes only found only more cool ocean. She treaded water, connecting her eyes with the deep blue of Valentina’s gaze. The blue pupils swirled, light bouncing off her hair that was stuck to her head, her few freckles sticking out in the sun. Juliana wished she could take a mental picture of how Valentina looked in that moment, so she could dredge it up when she was having a bad day, the image of the beautiful girl always making her heart swell. 

“We drifted a little too far.” Valentina croaked, her voice low. 

Juliana nodded, unsure of the simmering undercurrent of electricity that seemed to spark in the air between them. They way Valentina was looking at her was piercing. Juliana tried to breathe, tried to take a hold of her emotions, but couldn’t take her eyes away from Valentina. 

They seemed to drift closer by instinct, their movements slow, trying to keep themselves afloat. Juliana desperately wanted to be close to the girl, something drawing her in. Her heartbeat began to race as she felt Valentina’s breath on her skin, warm and sweet. Juliana couldn’t help but look down at Valentina’s lips, perfect and pink, water droplets delicately gathered on her face. She felt the urge to move in and press her lips against them, to have Valentina in a way she knows she has wanted for a while, that feeling she has tried to repress for some time. That pulling feeling in her stomach urging her forward, her body reacting to her racing mind. Her eyes flicked back up to Valentina’s, only to find she was doing the same thing, her eyes glued to her lips. Juliana’s internal dialogue was puzzling, unable to get a real grasp on her thoughts. Maybe Valentina felt the same, maybe this risk is worth the shot, maybe she isn’t so crazy after all. Juliana moved marginally forward, trying to gauge the situation, Valentina’s gaze finally shifting back to lock onto Juliana’s. Time seemed to freeze for a moment, both girls taking one another in. Juliana tried not to over think it, and pushed forward again slightly, hoping she wasn’t reading the signals wrong. 

Suddenly, Valentina broke eye contact, throwing her head back and creating some distance between them. When Juliana found her favourite blue again, they were different, no longer glinting. Juliana’s stomach dropped, her body tensing. She read it wrong. Dread filled her, a significant aching exploding in her chest. Valentina doesn’t want her like that. Of course she doesn’t, they’re best friends. The rejection hits her hard, her eyes dropping, dragging one hand up through her hair in embarrassment. What has she done? 

“C’mon, I’ll race you back.” Valentina said softly. 

She began swimming away, back in the direction of the beach. Juliana took a moment to admonish herself. “Stupid.” She groaned out loud, splashing the water in frustration. She wasn’t a religious person, but she sent a quick prayer to the clouds. ‘Please let this not ruin what we have.’

She eventually followed Valentina, swimming in the direction of the beach. By the time she made it back, Valentina was already on her beach towel, hat and sunglasses on, sitting and waiting. 

Juliana sat, still dripping, adding her own accessories to her face and getting comfortable. She felt awkward and humiliated, avoiding looking in Valentina’s direction. But with the placement of Valentina’s hand on her knee, she turned to look at her best friend, sitting crossed legged and facing her. 

“Tell me about your summer.” She smiled.

Maybe she hadn’t noticed what had transpired. That was best-case scenario for Juliana right now. It was probably best if she just pretended that disaster didn’t just happen, shoving those feelings back down and locking them away. She could do this. 

She took in a deep breath and shifted, mirroring Valentina. 

“It was pretty low key. I worked, did some drawings, swam with Mateo and Alex. That’s about it.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I want to know about yours. It sounded much more exciting than mine.”

Valentina pressed her lips into a thin smile. “It was hectic. We were in a different city almost every three days. I had to learn a lot very quickly.”

“I’m sure you were very good at it though, Val.” Juliana offered, trying to lighten the subject, trying to quash her hurt.

Valentina looked down into her lap, a blush creeping over her face. Juliana couldn’t help but chuckle at the girls bashfulness. “What?” 

“Well, something else happened while I was away.” She admitted. 

Juliana was curious, so she waited for Valentina to elaborate. After a pause, she tucked her index finger under Valentina’s chin, encouraging her to look up. When she did, Juliana pushed. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?”

Valentina rolled her eyes. Juliana could tell she was nervous. 

“I, uh, lost my virginity.” 

“Oh.” Was all Juliana could think of to say. Her stomach tightened. She cleared her throat. Of course she did. She’s beautiful, humble, kind. Any boy would be lucky to have her. “How was it?” 

Valentina squirmed a little, trying not to make eye contact. 

“Not like how I imagined. As you know, we spent a week in New York, the longest we were anywhere. He works for the company. He’s a bit older than me, and we got talking. My dad was never around very much, too busy to supervise me. So he came over to my hotel room.” She trailed off. Juliana could connect the dots. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Juliana reassured her, confused with her own feelings of Valentina’s revelation, but wanting to support the older girl. 

“It just, it wasn’t what I was expecting.” She stammered, picking at her nails. “The first time, it hurt a little. The second time was better, but I thought it was going to be this amazing moment in my life where my whole world changed. By the third time, I realized that maybe I had built this notion of love and sex up in my head, based off what I had seen on TV and read in books. And, it was disheartening to discover that maybe real life isn’t like that.” She gave Juliana a sad smile and took her hand. 

Juliana tried to process this information. Valentina had slept with a boy. Three times. The aching still prominent in her chest. 

“Are you seeing him now?” Juliana couldn’t help but ask, hoping her voice didn’t deceive her. 

Valentina scoffed. “No. Juls, he lives in New York. He was attractive and smart, but that was all. I don’t plan on seeing him ever again.”

Juliana nodded slowly. A silence settled between them. 

“What do you think?” Valentina’s voice quivered slightly, Juliana picking up on her nervousness. 

“About what?” 

“About what I just told you.” Valentina tilted her head slightly. The sun was getting lower in the sky, the brightness dimming subtly, slowly turning to dull yellow and orange hues. She turned to take in the clouds strewn across the sky.

“I don’t have any experience in this kind of stuff Val, you know that.” She dismissed, not wanting Valentina to click onto her disappointment. 

She heard Valentina sigh quietly. “I was scared about telling you.” She whispered. 

Juliana faced her again. “Why?”

Valentina’s lips downturned and she shrugged her shoulders emphatically. “I don’t know.” 

Juliana sensed that Valentina was disappointed, but unsure if it was in herself or her experience. She hated that she felt slightly better about that. 

“Maybe it’ll be different when you’re in love, Val.” She murmured, wishing to make the beautiful girl in front of her smile again. This is not how she expected their conversation about their ‘firsts’ to go. Instead of the happiness and joy she expected in this moment, she thought both of them seemed discouraged and possibly disenchanted. 

Valentina began playing with Juliana’s fingers, tracing their outline. “Yeah, maybe.” 

Juliana looked back out to the water. She wanted to wash this conversation off her body, to refresh her hot skin and muddled mind. “Let’s go for one last swim? The sun will set in about an hour.” 

Valentina gave her a genuine smile then, the light finally reaching her eyes. Juliana felt better already with the sight. Without a word, Valentina stood and pulled Juliana up, dragging her down the beach and into the water. 

There weren’t many people around anymore, the afternoon swimmers heading home for dinner. There were only a few people scattered along the length of the beach, the ocean almost completely rid of people. The two girls entered the water, laughing and joking with one another again, happy to be back to their normal selves. 

Juliana dipped and dived into the water, enjoying the freedom it provided. After she was sufficiently wet and cool, she slicked her hair back and bobbed down, her head the only part of her body out of the water. She caught Valentina watching her from a few meters away, standing chest depth in the water. The orange and yellow reflected off the water onto her face, her blue eyes swirling, the electricity once again crackling between them. Juliana gulped, shaking her head slightly, avoiding Valentina’s gaze. 

She felt Valentina swim closer to her and looked up to see her still gazing at her, mouth slightly open, blues glinting. Her eyes were penetrating, taking Juliana’s breath away. They bobbed in the water for a few moments staring at one another, a million thoughts running through Juliana’s mind. Valentina kept slinking closer, never taking her eyes off Juliana. When she was close enough that she could feel Valentina’s hot puffs of breath hit her face, Juliana knew what she had to do. She couldn’t do it again, couldn’t risk that crushing feeling of rejection, she couldn’t risk ruining their friendship. Those feelings that kept trying to bubble to the surface, she pushed at again, shoving them down. She closed her eyes and stood, confident she made the right decision. She turned away but was stopped abruptly, Valentina grabbing at her arm. 

“Please.” Valentina begged. 

She pulled gently at Juliana, unable to stop her body turning back in the water. Valentina lifted one hand and placed it gently on Juliana’s cheek, the other intertwining their fingers. In one swift motion, Valentina moved forward and pressed her lips against Juliana’s. 

Juliana was taken aback at first, but quickly melted into the feeling. She lost her breath, focusing on the soft, tentative lips against her own. Valentina pulled back slightly, only to reconnect their lips again delicately. Juliana’s senses were alight. She felt like the world slowed down and fell away, leaving the two of them to explore one another in a new way. She could feel Valentina’s breath through her nose, her lips on hers, her hand gripping her own. She could smell that familiar mixture of saltwater and vanilla that is so deliciously Valentina. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, the lapping of water around their bodies as they moved with one another. And with a confident swipe of her tongue on Valentina’s lip, she opened her mouth for her, and she could taste Valentina in the way she had been dreaming about. The languid kiss continued as they moved deeper, tongues and lips crashing together tenderly, their worlds colliding. Juliana’s free hand moved up to the nape of Valentina’s neck, holding her close, massaging the skin under her fingers, as Valentina continued to caress Juliana’s cheek. 

When they ran out of breath, they reluctantly pulled away from one another, pressing their foreheads together and taking deep breaths. 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Valentina said quietly. “I panicked.” 

Juliana shakes slightly. “It’s okay.” 

Valentina pulled back further, looking at Juliana. “No, it’s not. I’ve wanted this for so long. I just freaked out that it might actually happen. I got too deep in my own head, which is very unlike me.” She smiled at the last part. Juliana knew Valentina generally ran off instinct. It was one of the things she liked so much about Valentina, her ability to follow her heart blindly. 

“Do you want to watch the sunset?” Juliana blurted, unsure what to say next.

“I’d love to.” 

Juliana took Valentina’s hand and waded through the water and up the sand, back to their towels. The pair dried themselves off as much as they could, threw on some clothes and packed up their things. They walked up the beach to the concrete steps, leading them to the footpath. They reached the entrance of the pier in comfortable silence, bags slung over their shoulders. Juliana looked over to Valentina as they hit the board walk, spotting a grin on the other girls face. She giggled and took Valentina’s hand in hers. 

“C’mon, we’ve got to be quick or we’ll miss the best part.” She tugged Valentina along behind her. 

The girls stumbled and laughed their way to the end of the pier. There were only a few people milling about so they found a spot at the end and sat down, legs dangling over the edge, the water lapping against the pylons below them. 

They sat, hand in hand, as the sky changed from orange, to purple, to blue, to black. They continued to sit and watch as the stars appeared in the sky and the moon shone over them. Juliana turned to see Valentina already looking at her. She felt a blush set in on her face under the intensity of her gaze. 

“What?” She asked timidly. 

Valentina took in a deep breath. “You’re beautiful.” Valentina said it with such passion that Juliana felt her breath catch in her throat. Before she could think about it, she lent forward. Valentina obviously had the same idea, the girls meeting in the middle. Their noses brushed together gently before their lips met softly, moving in sync, establishing a slow rhythm in the darkness of night. 

****************

Juliana woke up late the next morning, her stomach grumbling. As yesterday’s memories fluttered into view, she forgot about her hunger. She turned into her pillow and giggled, giddy with happiness. She shifted and laid on her back, sliding her fingers against her lips, remembering the feeling of Valentina pressing into her. Was it real? Did it really happen? 

She grabbed her phone off her bedside and flipped it over. A text from Valentina awaited her. She unlocked her phone with the stupid smile still on her face and read it. 

V: Good morning beautiful. What are we doing today?

She smacked herself in the forehead lightly as she remembered her shift at Panchito’s shop today. 

J: Morning, Val. Unfortunately I have to work at Panchito’s from 12 – 5. And I forgot to tell you yesterday, but Alex is hosting an End of Summer party at his place tonight. Would you like to come with me?

The three dots appeared almost straight away, indicating Valentina was already typing a response. 

V: You’re up late! Hmm… would you mind if I came and did some writing while you worked? And of course, I would go anywhere with you. 

J: That would be great! I’ll see you at Panchito’s at 12? 

V: Can’t wait ;)

Juliana counted down the time until work, busying herself with jobs at home until it was time to leave. She was always on time, riding her bike down the familiar streets to the ice cream shop. She lent her bike against the back wall and came in through the staff entrance. She wrapped her apron on, tied her hair up in a messy bun and walked out the front of the shop to greet Panchito. 

At 12:10, Valentina entered the shop with her laptop under her arm, hair in waves over her shoulders, sunglasses atop her head. Juliana stopped what she was doing and took in the beauty that was Valentina. She seemed to emit light, as if she held the sunshine within her, Juliana’s world lighting up whenever she was around. Valentina’s eyes scanned the shop and finally caught her eye, giving her a lopsided smile and a wink. She turned and sat herself down in the same spot the two girls had shared when they first shared an icecream here, flipping her laptop open and turning it on. 

Juliana served the customer waiting and when she had finished, she walked quietly behind Valentina. Her slender fingers were gliding over the keys, the girl already entranced in whatever it was she was writing. Not wanting to scare her, Juliana whispered “Val.”

Valentina almost jumped out of her seat, her hand instantly clutching her chest. 

“Geez Juls, you scared me.” She took a deep breath and smiled up at her. 

“Sorry.” She replied, smirking. 

The girls smiled openly at one another for a moment.

Valentina removed the hand still on her chest and reached for Juliana’s hand, wrapping their fingers together. 

“Hey.” She breathed. 

Juliana reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Valentina’s ear. 

“Hey.” She beamed in response.

“I hope it’s okay if I do some work here.” Valentina looked to her laptop. 

“Of course. I mean, you’ll be a major distraction for me, but you are more than welcome to stay for as long as you want.” 

Valentina laughed. “Well, thank you.”

They continued smiling at one another, basking in the company of the other. 

“Juliana!” Panchito called from behind the counter. 

She had been so wrapped up in her own world, she hadn’t noticed the shop had begun to fill up with the after lunch rush. 

“You better go.” She heard Valentina say.

“You’ll be okay here?” 

“Yes. I’m not going anywhere.” She let go of Juliana’s hand and gave her a gentle nudge to get going. Juliana nodded and turned, helping Panchito serve the customers. 

Throughout the afternoon, Juliana fed Valentina with small serves of ice cream as the older girl tapped on her laptop keys. Juliana was kept busy with the afternoon patrons streaming in to get their cold, sweet fix after their swim in the ocean. Whenever she could, she glanced at Valentina, admiring her from a distance. She enjoyed watching her face as she concentrated, her eyebrows often creasing when she was stuck on a word or phrase. She liked the way Valentina got so engrossed with what she was doing her shoulders would slump over the keyboard until she noticed her poor posture and made the effort of straightening back up again. She especially liked how Valentina would look up every now and then, searching for Juliana, and would crack a gorgeous smile whenever their eyes met. 

Juliana wasn’t sure what this feeling was, but she never wanted it to go away. 

Her shift eventually finished, and she draped her arm around the older girl and whispered in her ear, “it’s time to go.” Valentina packed up her things quickly and shoved them in her bag, grabbing Juliana’s hand and waving at Panchito as they left the store. 

“Are you hungry?” Juliana asked, her own stomach grumbling at the thought of food. 

“I am, actually.”

“Great, I know someplace we can go.” Juliana pulled Valentina along the street and directed her into a small shop. She took it upon herself to order two serves of tacos, some of the best Juliana has ever eaten. She carried them over to where Valentina was sitting and they ate them quickly, both girls clearly starving. 

“How many people are going to be at this party tonight?” Valentina asked after taking a long drink of her coke. 

“Ah, not too many, Maybe about 20.” Juliana doesn’t usually like parties, but the End of Summer party is one she always attended. “You’ve never stayed late enough in the summer to come with me to one.” 

“Well, I’m looking forward to going with you this year.” Valentina poked her tongue out at Juliana. 

They packed up their things and exited the shop, making their way slowly down the main street. The bulk of the summer visitors have left Arrizo to go back to their normal lives, but there are still a number of people dining in the few restaurants dotted along the main strip. 

“Do I need to call for Alirio or can we walk from here?” Valentina asked. 

“Alex only lives a few blocks from here, we can just walk if that works for you?” Juliana reached out and held Valentina’s hand. The older girl just smirked and squeezed her hand. 

They arrived at the house 10 minutes later, the party already in full swing. There were people everywhere and music was pumping. 

Juliana looked up to Valentina with wide eyes. “Maybe this year it’s more than 20 people.” 

Valentina just laughed. “This looks like fun! Let’s go!” Her eyes sparkled and Juliana knew she would follow her anywhere. 

They entered the house and Juliana spotted Mateo straight away. 

“Mateo!” She called, pulling Valentina across the living room. 

“Juli!” He yelled. His eyes then landed on the brunette. “Oh my God, Valentina!” His arms looped around the two girls at once, bringing them in for an awkward three person hug. 

“Mateo, it’s great to see you again.” Valentina had to almost yell to be heard over the music. 

“Valentina, I’m so glad you’re here. Juli has been moping around all summer. She is a much better person when you’re around.” He teased with a slight slur to his words. 

“Mateo, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.” Juliana rolled her eyes at her cousin. 

“I am right, and so are you. Let’s get you two a drink!” He pushed past some people and headed in the direction of the kitchen, the two girls following closely behind. 

“Alex, you’ll never guess who is here!” Mateo called at his friend and the host of the party.

Juliana spotted Alex, his mop of curls bouncing as he scanned the room. 

“Juli, I’m so glad you could make it!” He threw his arms into the air, also clearly intoxicated. His eyes then went wide as he spotted Valentina. “Oh.” His eyebrows shot up and he cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly as if to sober up. 

Valentina stood by Juliana as Mateo mixed their drinks, chuckling at the scene unfolding in front of him.

“Valentina. Welcome to my party.” He said quite formally, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. Juliana did not like the interaction, knowing full well Alex has a crush on the brunette. Valentina just giggled and thanked Alex, not seeming put out by the boys strange actions. 

“Alright, Alex. That’s enough.” Mateo interrupted. He handed the two girls a cup each. “Here you go. Mateo special. Enjoy.” He laughed and lifted his own cup in the air. The four of them clinked classes and drank from their cups. Juliana grimaced as the liquid burned down her throat. 

“Yuck, Mateo. What is this?” Juliana coughed, unimpressed. Valentina laughed beside her, their shoulders brushing together. 

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, Juli!” He said, shaking his head. “C’mon, let me introduce you to some people, Valentina.” 

Over the next few hours, the group of four talked, danced, joked, drank and laughed. After a few drinks, Juliana started pouring herself soft drink, the alcohol making her head go a little fuzzy. She never really liked the affect alcohol had on her body, detesting the idea of losing control. She watched, as everyone around her got drunker and drunker. She noticed that Valentina seemed to have a very high tolerance to the drink, seemingly not falling into the same traps as the others. She was still able to speak clearly and stand confidently on her two feet. 

A familiar song came over the speakers and Valentina turned and placed both her hands on Juliana’s shoulders, her face flushed slightly. 

“I love this song. Dance with me?” She didn’t wait for a response, dragging Juliana to the designated dance floor and pulling her close. It was then that Juliana recognized that maybe Valentina was drunker than she thought. Valentina organized them both into the same position as when Juliana was teaching Valentina to dance at The Carvajal last summer. She pressed their bodies together, far too close for public viewing, the embrace too intimate to be considered normal for two ‘friends’. They fell quickly into rhythm, Valentina humming along to the tune. Juliana tried to separate them a little, noticing Mateo’s eyes on them. She managed to create a little space between them, laughing nervously at the situation. Valentina seemed oblivious to the eyes on them, leaning in to press her forehead against Juliana’s. When Juliana recoiled, Valentina pulled away, and Juliana noticed the hurt that crossed her features. 

“What’s wrong?” Valentina stammered, her brow creased. 

“We’re in public, Val. People are watching us.” Juliana shifted on her feet, not wanting to cause a scene. 

“Are you embarrassed?” 

“No, of course not. But…” Juliana didn’t know what to say. She turned her palms up, as if in surrender.

Valentina took a step back, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “I get it.” She whipped around and stormed off, getting lost in the sea of people. 

“Fuck.” Juliana said to herself, rubbing her eyes in frustration. What the hell just happened? 

She turned to see Mateo standing in the same spot with a knowing look on his face. She swallowed the lump in her throat and approached him. 

“You okay?” He asked sincerely.

Juliana just shook her head. 

“I know what’s going on, you know. You’d have to be idiot to not see it.” He said, placing his arm around her shoulder. 

“What are you talking about?” She didn’t want to talk about it with Mateo right now. She couldn’t. 

“You and Valentina.” He stated simply. 

She looked up at him. He smiled at her. “I’m cool with it, you know.” He squeezed her tightly to him and she hugged him back, appreciative of his words. She felt his stubble on her cheek and smelt the mixture of cologne and alcohol on his skin. “But, we’ll talk about it later.” He finished, releasing her. “For now, you should really go find her.”

Juliana knew he was right. She offered him a smile in thanks and left him, stepping over and around people in the direction Valentina had fled. She made it to the kitchen and froze. 

Valentina was standing, leaning against the kitchen counter with a drink in her hand. Alex stood in front of her, too close to be friendly. He was leaning in and talking in her ear. Valentina was laughing at what he was saying. Her eyes were bright, and Alex was clearly flirting. The whole thing made her feel sick. She couldn’t bear to watch any more of it. She turned and left, stumbling out onto the street and running until her feet hit her front door step. She was quiet to not wake Lupe and Panchito, getting ready for bed in record time. She curled up in a ball under the covers and finally let herself feel, tears streaming silently down her face. 

**********

Juliana woke up slowly, a noise disrupting her sleep. She blinked and sat up in her bed, trying to get a grasp on reality. 

“Juls.” 

She turned and looked at her window. A familiar figure was silhouetted against the dark. Juliana groaned and stood, shuffling to her window. Her head hurt from crying. 

She bent down and saw Valentina’s figure a little more clearly. 

“What do you want?” She didn’t mean to sound so rough. 

“Let me in, please?” Valentina whispered. 

“Why?” 

“I want to talk to you.” Her voice cracked. Juliana sighed and started unclipping the fly screen from her window. She slid it aside and helped Valentina climb up into her bedroom for the second time. This time, however, she landed with a louder thud. 

“Shhhh.” Juliana was worried they’d wake Lupe and Panchito. 

“Sorry.” Valentina got up and brushed herself off. “Sorry.” She repeated. 

Juliana reattached the fly screen and sat down on her bed, waiting. Valentina stood awkwardly in Juliana’s small room, looking around and taking it in. 

“I’ve missed this place.” She whispered. 

Juliana dismissed the comment. “What do you want to talk about?” She asked quietly. 

Valentina huffed out a single breath and sat down next to Juliana. “I’m sorry.” 

Juliana scoffed. “What are you sorry for?” 

“For freaking out. For running off without explaining.”

“What happened with Alex?” Juliana finally made eye contact with the older girl. Her eyes widened with the question. 

“Nothing. What do you mean?” She seemed genuinely confused. 

“I saw you two flirting in the kitchen.” Juliana felt silly saying the words out loud, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. “He was talking in your ear and you were laughing.” She tried to justify it, but it still sounded weak. 

Valentina was frozen beside her. Juliana slowly turned to look at Valentina. She saw a small smile on her lips, a look of surprise on her face. Juliana scrunched her brows together. “Why are you smiling?” She was confused and annoyed at Valentina’s reaction.

“Were you jealous?” She asked seriously, her voice lilting. 

“What?” 

“You were jealous.” This time she said it like a statement. Like she was just discovering something. 

Juliana didn’t know what to say. Of course she was. She didn’t like to see Valentina that close to anyone else, especially when she knows the person already has a crush on her, and there was alcohol involved. She was definitely jealous. 

Valentina pulled Juliana into an awkward sitting hug. “That’s so sweet, Juls.” She whispered in her ear. 

Juliana pushed her away. “No. I’m mad. You can’t hug me.” 

“You’re so cute when you’re mad at me!” Valentina giggled, which annoyed Juliana even more. 

“Why were you flirting with him?” Valentina tried to stifle her laughter, picking up on Juliana’s tone of voice. 

“Juls, he was telling me a story about you. A story about when you just started high school, and Mateo and Alex convinced you to draw a picture of their Science teacher they hated in a very compromising position, and they photocopied it and plastered it all over the school, and your art teacher recognized your drawing style and you got hauled into the principals office. Alex did let me know that he and Mateo both admitted to making you do it, so you all got into trouble.” Valentina seemed very amused at this story. 

“I had people approaching me for months after that, asking me to draw pictures of their teachers. It was a nightmare.” Juliana softened slightly at the memory. 

“He also told me about the time Mateo broke his skateboard when you were younger. And you set up a little stall down at the beach one summer and drew tourists’ portraits. By the end of the summer, you had enough money and bought him a new skateboard with everything you had earned.” Valentina placed her hand on Juliana’s knee. 

“Yeah. I had forgotten about that.” 

“You’re very sweet, Juls.” Valentina whispered, leaning closer. 

Juliana looked up to find piercing blue. “I’m sorry about causing a scene when we were dancing. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to stuff it up.” Valentina choked slightly on her words. “I’m not interested in Alex, nothing happened.”

Juliana didn’t like to see Valentina like this, emotional and upset because of her. She looked vulnerable, eyes wide, brows quivering, mouth downturned slightly. Juliana reached up and lightly ran her thumb across her eyebrows attempting to remove the sad expression from the older girls face. 

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have run off. That was childish.” She admitted, to Valentina and herself. 

Valentina released a breath in relief, her features smoothing slightly. Unsaid words hung between them as they stared at one another. Years of feelings and emotions bubbled to the surface, words hovering on the tip of Juliana’s tongue. Her mind raced with an internal struggle – was it the right time to say all these things she’s been feeling for years? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to organize her thoughts into meaningful words. 

Without warning, Valentina’s hand caressed Juliana’s cheek softly, encouraging her to open her eyes. She acquiesced the silent request, her eyes adjusting to the scene in front of her. Valentina had moved closer, her face hovering an inch away from Juliana, her eyes shining. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Juliana swallowed her thoughts, her nerves rising. The realization of where they were hit her. They were alone, in her bedroom, with this electricity crackling between them. The pulling sensation tight in her stomach returned, her breath became short and her mouth went dry. She licked her lips, watching Valentina’s eyebrows raise slightly with the motion. 

“You don’t ever have to ask me that.” Juliana was surprised at herself and the meaning behind what she just said. 

Valentina’s lips lifted faintly as she understood what Juliana meant. 

She leant in slowly as Juliana closed her eyes in anticipation of feeling Valentina close once again. Juliana felt Valentina’s breath against her face before she felt the soft push of her lips press on her own, her bottom lip fitting between Valentina’s. 

Juliana noticed almost immediately the faint taste of alcohol on Valentina’s breath and lips, remembering the older girl had quite a bit to drink tonight. She didn’t want to stop, but she couldn’t let this slip out of control. 

The kiss started slow and delicate, softly pushing and pulling at one another. When Valentina sucked gently on Juliana’s lower lip, her body reacted without her permission, her tongue searching for Valentina’s in the next movement, a small noise releasing itself from her throat when she found what she was looking for. Valentina opened her mouth and they began a slightly more passionate kiss, tongues sliding against one another. Juliana grabbed Valentina around the waist, pulling her forward, while Valentina’s grip on Juliana’s neck tightened. She didn’t know how it happened, but both girls moved to lie down, shuffling as quickly as they could to the top of the bed, trying to keep their lips pressed together as they went. Their movements were clumsy but neither cared. 

Juliana felt Valentina kick her shoes off, a dull thud indicating they hit the floor. The room was filled with the sound of mouths moving against one another and deep breaths being sucked in as they continued their exploration.

Valentina shifted herself, her body moving on top of Juliana in a swift movement. Juliana pushed Valentina’s hair back and over one shoulder as their tongues collided in a wet mess. Juliana bit down gently on Valentina’s lower lip, eliciting a small moan from the older girl. She brought her leg down between Juliana’s, pressing directly onto her most sensitive spot. Juliana gasped and brought one hand down to Valentina’s lower back, slipping under her shirt and pushing on the bare skin, her leg shifting up slightly between the older girls legs. Valentina seemed encouraged by this, moving her hips, slowly grinding down on Juliana. Both girls made a sound then, disconnecting their lips and breathing raggedly at one another. Juliana wasn’t sure where the courage came from, but her hand that was gripping Valentina’s neck moved down to her chin and pushed her head up, giving her access to Valentina’s neck. She latched on to the soft expanse of skin there, leaving soft, wet kisses along the length of her neck and jawline. The sounds coming from Valentina urging her on, she quickly found her pulse point and sucked gently. Valentina reacted with another roll of her hips, a soft “Juls” leaving her lips. Juliana sucked harder as a shooting sensation was felt between her legs, the pressure of Valentina’s leg almost too much. Valentina’s free hand wandered, finding the hem of Juliana’s shirt and pulling it up slightly, her hand finding Juliana’s side and sliding up slowly. Their hips continued to grind slowly against one another, Juliana finding Valentina’s lips again as they connected in heated chaos, the push and pull becoming more intense. 

As Juliana felt Valentina’s hand continue to slide further up her body towards her breast, she tried to fight through the haze of Valentina, tried to get a grasp back on her rational thoughts. She used all the willpower she had to stop the jerking of her hips, disconnected her lips and placed both of her hands on either side of Valentina’s face. Valentina understood, also slowing her movements, leaning on both her elbows beside Juliana’s body, hovering over her. They shared the same air for a moment while Juliana gathered her thoughts and calmed her breathing. Her body felt like it was on fire, her center pulsing, her lips wet and puffy. She wanted to keep going, but she knew better than that. 

“Val.” It was more of a breath than a word. “We can’t. You’re drunk.”

“I stopped drinking hours ago. I’m fine.” Valentina blew back at her through the dark, her breath still tainted by the alcohol. “I want you.” She tried leaning forward again, but Juliana pushed back gently. 

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t still drunk, Val.”

Valentina huffed and hung her head, placing their foreheads together. “Okay, you’re right.” Valentina rolled off and laid next to Juliana, sharing the same pillow. “Sorry.”

As their breathing evened out, Juliana turned to her side and faced Valentina. “Roll over, I want to hold you.” Valentina turned her head and gave her a small smile, then did as she was told. She cuddled into Juliana, their bodies fitting together snugly. Juliana breathed the older girl in, placing a quick peck on the back of her neck. 

“What are we doing, Val?” Juliana whispered into the night, her tone saturated with the real meaning of the question. She was scared. Valentina left tomorrow and she didn’t know where that left things. 

Valentina took in a deep breath, considering the question. 

“I don’t know, Juls.”

**************

Juliana woke and immediately reached out, searching for Valentina. Her fingers just found fists full of cold sheets. She opened her eyes and sat up, and found the girl to be nowhere. 

“Val?” She called out, hopeful. 

She got up and walked to the window. The screen was in place, but unclipped. Then she spotted her sketchbook open to a fresh page on her desk, her pencil placed on top. She walked over slowly, able to distinguish Valentina’s looping text on the page from a distance. 

‘Juls. I had to leave early to drive back to Mexico City. You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t want to leave on such confusing terms, I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk more about this. No matter what, you’ll always be my best friend. I’ll miss you this year, chiquita. I’ll be back next summer. Love, Val.’

She stared at the page for what seemed like an eternity, unable to function. A loud knock on the door snapped her back into reality. 

“Juli, breakfast is ready.” Lupe called through the door. 

She cleared her throat, a lump bobbing with the motion, tears stinging her eyes. 

“Be right there.” She replied as casually as she could muster. 

Juliana sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands, focusing on her breathing. She had no idea what this meant, or where this left things. She felt hopeless. Untethered. Lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me longer than I was expecting. As always, I have ideas and then it changes. I hope this flows in with the rest of the story. We've still got a way to go!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juls. I think we need to talk. I can’t keep doing this.

Juliana sat with her toes in the sand. She watched as the grains shifted under her feet, trickling between her toes, the coarseness scratching soothingly against her bare skin. She had finished school for the year with top marks… again. She was 17 now, facing her final year of school, and the reality of deciding on a career path over the coming months and year. It frightened the hell out of her. 

It was 10:45am, the first Thursday of the summer holiday. Juliana had received a text from Valentina the night before, asking her to meet under the pier at 11am the next day. Juliana had complied with the request, arriving early, a nervousness simmering in her stomach. They hadn’t seen each other in 11 months, but had kept in close contact. They had barely spoken about what happened last summer, both too anxious to discuss the reality of the situation and the gravity of what it all meant. 

Juliana had called Valentina the day after she disappeared, after leaving only a note and a shattered girl behind. Juliana was unsure of what to say, but took a deep breath and pressed the green call button. By the end of the conversation, both girls had agreed to not define anything, that the distance was too much, that they would figure it out when they saw each other again. And that was it. They had fallen back into their normal routine easily enough, texting and calling one another every day. Juliana compartmentalized her feelings, finding it the only way she could push forward, unwilling to give up on her friendship with the girl who had her heart.

Juliana had finally let herself come to the realization of her true feelings towards Valentina, understanding why her whole being craved the older girl. She acknowledged that her feelings towards Valentina were not purely platonic, that the need and want to always be around her, to touch and feel her, to be close to her, was more than just friendship. But, she also understood that it wasn’t going to work in their current situation, that she couldn’t expect that of the older girl. She also was not confident in Valentina’s feelings towards her, unsure if what happened at the end of last summer was some kind of fling, or if there was some real meaning behind the girls actions. 

So, she did the only thing she knew how. She boxed up her emotions and hid them deep inside of her, disinclined to let them affect her. And it had worked over the school term, both girls preoccupied with their separate lives, study and friendships. Juliana forced her romantic feelings towards Valentina aside, focusing on being a supportive friend while she went through her final year of schooling. She was often called in the middle of the night while Valentina was in a frenzy, stressing about an assignment that was due the next morning that she had hardly started. Juliana sat through her hysterical rants, and then talked her through some ideas, helping Valentina to settle and concentrate. 

Now she sat on the sand, those same emotions she had locked away threatening to break lose, waves of apprehension breaking over her body. She hugged her legs, bringing them close to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, holding herself together. She pressed her forehead to her knees, focusing on her breathing, not wanting to get too wrapped up in her own mind. 

“Juls.” A familiar voice pulled her out of her trance. She didn’t even hear Valentina approach. She lifted her head and immediately locked onto deep blues, instantly entranced at the sight of the brunette. 

“Hey, Val.” She replied with a warm smile, watching as Valentina’s slim legs folded, joining her on the sand. 

They gazed at one another for a moment, the enormity of finally seeing one another after almost a year apart washing over them. 

Juliana blinked rapidly, affected but trying to hold herself together. She chuckled and unfolded herself, opening up to Valentina and wrapping her up in a hug. 

“Congratulations on graduating, Val. I’m so proud of you.” 

Valentina released a breath into Juliana’s hair, a small sound leaving her lips. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.” 

Juliana could detect the sincerity in Valentina’s voice. She breathed the other girl in, and they stayed connected for a moment longer, Juliana playing with the ends of Valentina’s hair, both girls enjoying being in the presence of the other. 

Juliana pulled back, a small smile on her lips. She couldn’t help it, the mere company of Valentina filled her up with warmth and comfort, happiness seeping through her veins. With the way Valentina smiled back, she thought maybe the other girl felt something similar. 

“I missed you, Juls.” Valentina breathed into the space between them. “I’m so happy to see you again.” She reached up and traced the shell of Juliana’s ear. 

Juliana nodded slowly, her breath hitching slightly. “Me too.” She replied simply. 

Valentina tilted her head slightly to the side and carefully raised her eyebrows. The familiar electricity sparked in the air around them.

Juliana had thought about what might happen in their conversation when they met again. Her brain had conjured up all kinds of different scenarios. What if all this time apart had given Valentina perspective, that what happened last summer was a mistake? What if she had thought about her future and decided Juliana wouldn’t fit, couldn’t possibly be a part of it? The crushing feeling in her chest by just thinking about it was enough to know that refusal by Valentina would not be handled well. She considered the idea of evading her real emotions when around the beautiful brunette so they could continue their friendship. But the way in which Valentina looked at her now, piercing and intense, made her panic. She couldn’t have this conversation now. She couldn’t pick herself up after being rejected by Valentina in public. 

“Do you want to go for a swim?” She spat out before Valentina could say any more. 

Valentina seemed slightly taken aback by her question, her mouth dropping open. She turned her head towards the ocean and Juliana took in her profile. Her features were as perfect as ever, her girlish good looks had slowly morphed into pointed and sculpted qualities as she became an adult. Her jawline was more defined, her lips more full and her complexion clear. She was stunning. 

“Sure, that’d be nice.” Juliana heard Valentina reply, quickly dropping her eyes and reaching for her bag as Valentina turned back to face her. 

Juliana stood and tossed her shirt and shorts into her beach bag, pulling out her beach towel. She then stood and waited for Valentina to do the same, admiring her long limbs and toned body as she undressed. She tried her best to not ogle, but found it difficult when the most beautiful woman she had ever seen was wearing a new, but also new favorite, blue bikini. 

Valentina grasped Juliana’s hand firmly as they walked towards the shore, smiling at each other as they went.

*************

Over the next week, the two girls fell back into a similar routine. They swam, ate, laughed, danced, sang and swam some more. There were a few occasions where their conversation diverted to something deep, something revealing, something meaningful. Juliana swiftly changed the topic of discussion, reluctant to bear the heartache of Valentina’s true feelings. The more time she spent around Valentina and the light touches, the side looks, the hand holding, the shy smiles, and the piercing blue, the harder it became to keep those bubbling emotions under control. She desperately wanted to tell Valentina how she felt, to claim those lips as hers, to touch and feel her freely, but she could not endure the consequences, understanding their relationship could never be the same when the other girl did not reciprocate her feelings. She knew she was prolonging the inevitable, but she didn’t have a clue as to what else to do. 

Juliana woke up the following Thursday and did as she normally does, and checked her phone for a text from Valentina. Sure enough, the name blinked across the screen. She smiled as she unlocked her phone and opened the message, but her heart jumped when she read it. 

“Juls. I think we need to talk. I can’t keep doing this.”

She sat upright, her pulse racing, her mind in disarray. She knew it needed to happen, but she thought she had more time. She needed more time.

“I know, Val. Just not today. Please.” She typed the quick reply and threw her phone on her bed. She got up, changed into her bikini and whatever clothes were lying around, grabbed her a backpack and threw what she needed in it and left the room in a hurry. She knew where she needed to go. 

Her cherry red bike was a little small for her now, but it was reliable and she didn’t have the resources or the desire to buy a new one. She unlocked it from the gate and jumped on, peddling away as fast as she could. She arrived at the base of the hill in record time, leaning her bike roughly against a tree and began the incline with a sheen of sweat on her forehead, her clothes beginning to stick to her body. Juliana grunted with effort as she climbed the hill, wiping away the droplets of sweat as they stung her eyes. She reached the clearing and made a beeline straight to the familiar set of trees, traipsing through the thick grass beyond the clearing. She quickly made it to the top of the waterfall, finally taking in a deep lungful of breath as she took in the view. Finally, she felt like she could escape her thoughts for a little while, hiding from view. 

Juliana carefully scaled the beaten path in the rock to the base of the waterfall, laid out her beach towel, took off her clothes and dipped into the clear water. She was desperate to cool off after the effort of getting to her favorite place, immersing herself in the cool liquid, the calming effect instantaneous. She waded in the shallows, feeling the slow current try to gently pull her further downstream, watching the ripples flow soothingly, welcoming the sound of the water splash harshly as it reached the base of the rock. When she was sufficiently composed and her mind slightly more tranquil, she pulled herself out of the body of water and lay down on the beach towel, facing the clouds in the sky. 

The sun was bright and fiery, but the tree cover provided enough shade to avoid being overwhelmingly hot. Juliana basked in the serenity of the waterfall, closing her eyes and her mind. She wasn’t sure how long she had been there for when she heard a scuffling of feet on rock. Her eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright, aware that the sound had to be made by a human, annoyed someone was invading her space. When her eyes landed upon the tall, brunette figure at the base of the rock, her heart skipped a beat. 

She was not expecting Valentina to find her here. She had come here specifically to clear her mind, to gather her thoughts, to figure out what she was going to do about the mess she was in. And now she was faced with the potential crumbling of the most beautiful relationship she had ever had. 

Juliana was frozen in place as her eyes locked onto Valentina’s. The other girl offered her a small shrug of her shoulders and a lopsided smile as she slowly made her way to Juliana. She sunk down onto Juliana’s beach towel, removed her sunglasses from her face and tucked them into the hair on top of her head, and gazed at Juliana. 

“I thought I would find you here.” 

Juliana’s brain finally caught up. She cleared her throat and shifted her legs into a protective position, bunching them up and holding them to her chest. 

“How did you know?” 

Valentina huffed out a sound that resembled a laugh. “Just a guess. I’m glad I was right. I had forgotten how special this place is.” She looked around the area while Juliana continued to stare at her face. 

When Valentina made eye contact again, Juliana couldn’t help but look away. The tension in the air was palpable. 

“Juls. C’mon. You know we need to talk.” Valentina reached forward and placed a hand on Juliana’s knee. 

She took in a deep breath and looked up. “I know.” 

Then there was silence, the only sound was water crashing continuously onto rock.

Valentina looked slightly more pale than usual, her gaze doubtful and lacking it’s usual spark. Juliana could tell she was anxious which only made her stomach clench. 

“I don’t know where to start.” Valentina whispered. 

Juliana’s heart was beating through her chest, nervousness tingling across her skin, her palms suddenly clammy. 

“I guess I should start with an apology. I’m sorry with how I left things last summer, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say it. I was confused and selfish and scared. I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye properly. It’s something I have thought about a lot and I know I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t do the right thing by you.”

Juliana licked her lips, her mouth dry. “It’s okay, Val. It was confusing for me too.” She gave Valentina a sympathetic smile. 

“I’m scared. I’m scared of losing you.” Valentina’s voice cracked slightly, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “I hate to think I’ve ruined this.” 

A single tear broke free, but Juliana caught it with her thumb. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Juliana stated softly, cupping Valentina’s cheek. “Please, don’t cry.” 

Valentina sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen after I say what I came here to say.”

Juliana’s chest constricted at her words. She shifted, crossing her legs and playing with her fingers in her lap, her knee bouncing nervously. This was it. 

“Juls, please look at me.” Valentina ducked her head to try and get her attention. Juliana gulped and raised her head, her brow scrunched slightly as she prepared to take the blow. 

“Juls, you have been my best friend since I was 15. There has been no relationship in my life that has come close to comparing what I feel when I’m with you. You have been my one constant since I met you, my one reliable, my one steady. I feel like I can be myself when I’m with you, and I can do it without judgement, without holding back, and I feel accepted. You listen, you hear what I have to say, and you stand by me no matter what.” 

Valentina’s voice was shaky as she spoke, but her words were open and honest, the meaning sincere. She fidgeted as she talked, her hands unable to stay still, but her eyes focused on Juliana steadily. Juliana struggled to form coherent thoughts, scared to speak just yet, so she waited for Valentina to continue. 

“After our kiss, it became blatantly obvious to me what I have been feeling this whole time, what I have been denying myself when I’m around you. When I first realized it, I thought maybe it was normal to feel this way about your best friend. But when I thought about it, I’d had plenty of girl friends before and since who I had never been attracted to, who never affected me the way you do. It wasn’t until our kiss that I let myself really indulge what my body had been longing to feel ever since I met you.”

Juliana was perplexed at Valentina’s confession. Valentina was watching her intently, her eyes boring into her, watching her every move. Her voice was filled with emotion, often struggling to speak clearly, her voice trembling. Maybe Juliana had read this all wrong. For the first time since last summer, she let herself feel hope. She froze and let Valentina press on.

“Then we shared that moment in your bedroom. And my body responded to yours so instinctually. But you stopped me, because I had been drinking. I tainted that moment for us, and I feel stupid for it. I woke up the next morning and saw your gorgeous face and realized how perfect you are, how beautiful your soul is. I suddenly realized that maybe I wasn’t enough for you, that perhaps I’m not good enough for you. That whatever it was we shared, how could I expect you to wait for me while we lived so far apart? So I panicked… I ran. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Valentina finally bowed her head, bringing her head into her hands, fresh tears falling silently from her eyes. Juliana let her words sink into her skin, her hands shaking in her lap. She took in a deep breath, the first one she thinks she’s taken since Valentina started talking. She reached out hesitantly for Valentina, her fingertips brushing against her hand. Valentina peeked up between her fingers, letting one hand fall. Juliana took it into her own and intertwined their fingers. She didn’t know what she was going to say, but she needed to try.

“Val, I - ” Juliana began. 

“No, please let me finish.” Valentina interrupted. 

Juliana closed her mouth and gave Valentina’s hand a gentle squeeze. Valentina stretched her neck, taking a moment to regain her thoughts. Juliana waited patiently, unable to tear her eyes away from the beautiful, vulnerable woman sitting in front of her. 

Valentina cleared her throat again. “I know this is a lot to ask. And you have every right to say no. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and after spending this week with you again, I am certain of what I want.” 

Juliana could feel the thumping of her heart in her chest, all other sounds except Valentina’s voice were blocked out. Valentina reached out and cupped Juliana’s cheek delicately, her blue eyes exposed and shining. 

“I want to be with you, Juls. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Juliana’s eyes widened and her mouth popped open slightly at the heartfelt admission. She had been wrong. This primal feeling, this instinct to be near one another, was mutual. Her heart filled with light and an all-consuming warmth ran through her veins as she gazed into the deep blue eyes before her.

She leaned forward, resting her forehead on Valentina’s, taking the moment to be close to her, closing her eyes and breathing her in. She took a deep breath and whispered the words that had been on her mind for some time, finally letting them free. 

“I love you too, Val.” 

Valentina exhaled heavily, followed by a chuckle of disbelief.

“Wait. What?” Valentina pulled back slightly, a look of shock crossing her features. “I thought you…” She was lost for words. 

“What?” She asked softly. Now it was Juliana’s turn to be confused. 

“I didn’t think you felt the same. You have been avoiding this conversation, changing the topic every time I try to bring it up. I thought you were –“

“I was frightened, Val.” Juliana interrupted. “I was overwhelmed by my feelings for you. I was confused by your departure last summer. I was terrified of losing this friendship.” She brushed Valentina’s hair out of her face. “I couldn’t handle your rejection.” 

A small smile lifted Valentina’s lips. “I could never say no to you, Juliana.”

They smiled at one another, finally seeing the other for what they had been holding on to. 

Juliana’s eyes crinkled and she took her lower lip between her teeth, happiness washing over her. She watched those same blue eyes spark alive in front of her, the tension between them changing from despair to electric. 

“Well, if that’s the case, can I kiss you now?” Juliana asked playfully. 

Valentina responded by pressing forward and connecting their foreheads again, brushing their noses together gently, anticipation swirling between them. Juliana shifted her head and she shivered as their lips joined, dazed by how soft and plump Valentina felt against her, moving with her in a mutual embrace, their lips sliding against one another experimentally. Juliana kept one hand wrapped in Valentina’s, and brought her other hand up and traced her fingers along Valentina’s jawline, moving to rest on the nape of her neck. She pulled her closer, her fingertips massaging her hairline. Valentina was clearly encouraged by this move as Juliana quickly felt Valentina’s tongue swipe against her, opening her mouth by reflex. They took no time in swirling their tongues together, their kiss becoming slowly more heated. 

Juliana heard Valentina breath in through her nose and felt her fingers press into her hipbone, gripping hard and pulling Juliana towards her. Juliana had no control over her actions anymore. Without thinking, she was up on her knees and without disconnecting their lips, she moved forward into Valentina’s lap, settling low and setting her feet down behind Valentina, their bodies pressing together as much as possible. Juliana cupped both her hands around Valentina’s face, continuing their slow and languid pace. She felt Valentina’s hands run down her back, suddenly reminded of how exposed she was, still only wearing her bikini. Her skin was heated where Valentina’s light touch traced her skin, her hands exploring and pressing in to her body. Juliana bit down lightly on Valentina’s bottom lip, overcome with desire. The sound that came from Valentina’s mouth sent a spark shooting between her legs, suddenly aware of the wetness pooling there. She was beyond turned on and she didn’t want to stop.

Valentina pulled away from Juliana’s mouth, only to attach to her jawline, smacking wet kisses along the length of her neck, the angle allowing her to do so easily. Juliana kept her eyes closed, leaning her neck back to give Valentina better access, and allowed herself to indulge in the electricity coursing through her body, hypersensitive to Valentina’s lips on her skin. She had never felt so good.

“I want you, Val.” She breathed into the space. 

Valentina stilled, and Juliana leant down, taking Valentina’s earlobe in her mouth and sucking gently. 

“Here?” Valentina muttered, her voice low.

“Yes. I need you.” Juliana was surprised by her own boldness. She had never done this before, never been this close to being intimate with anyone before. But one thought was clear. She had never wanted anything so badly. Valentina is what she had wanted for so long, and she wasn’t going to let this moment slip through her fingers. She knew they wouldn’t be interrupted, the idea of being outside at her favorite place adding an element of excitement to an already overwhelming experience. 

She bunched Valentina’s shirt in her hands and pulled it up, indicating she wanted it gone. Valentina quickly leant back, allowing Juliana the space to pull it up over her head. She watched with awe as Valentina’s long locks of hair tumbled down over her shoulders, taking in the sight of Valentina beneath her in her bra. They had seen one another in their bikinis many times before, but this was different, intimate. It took her breath away as Valentina gazed at her with swirling blues, her pupils blown. Juliana had never seen her eyes look so big. 

Juliana pressed her lips to Valentina’s again, quickly finding their rhythm, their kisses wet and hot and desperate. Juliana felt Valentina’s fingers tug faintly on the strap of her bikini, waiting for permission to go any further. Juliana responded by sucking Valentina’s tongue into her mouth. The older girl yanked at the string at her back, and then did the same to the string at her neck, letting it fall between them. Juliana threw it off to the side and then felt her own trembling fingers fumble at the clasp of Valentina’s bra. She unclipped it after a few goes and felt it come loose, the straps around Valentina’s shoulders falling down her arms.

Valentina pulled back and slowly peeled it off her body, exposing her top half, mirroring Juliana. They both stilled then, taking in the sight of one another. Juliana had never seen anything more beautiful. The light of the sun bouncing off Valentina’s hair that was slightly tousled, her lips wet and puffy, her eyes large and unfocused, her breasts small and round, her chest heaving and skin flushed. 

“You’re so beautiful, Val.” She murmured, offering her a shy smile. 

Valentina tucked her lower lip between her teeth as she rested her eyes on Juliana’s after raking her gaze over Juliana’s body. 

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for.” Valentina sounded concerned but her voice was also shrouded in desire. 

“You’re all I’ve thought about for three years. I’m nervous, but I’m ready.” Juliana pressed her forehead to Valentina’s, focusing on her breathing. 

“You’ll tell me if you want to stop…” Valentina muttered, her hot stuttered breath hitting Juliana’s lips. 

“I don’t want to stop.” Juliana replied. 

Valentina pushed forward then, shifting their bodies at the same time, lowering Juliana gently onto the beach towel they were still sitting on. She rested her body on top of Juliana, the feeling of their bare torsos pressing together eliciting a groan from both girls. Juliana sought out Valentina’s lips again, eager to continue the sweet push and pull, wanting more. Juliana’s hands wandered down Valentina’s back, her smooth skin prickling underneath her touch. She reached down and squeezed her hands on Valentina’s ass, the denim shorts a frustrating barrier between them. Juliana’s fingers traced the skin underneath the waistband of the shorts, pushing at them shamelessly. She wanted them gone and Valentina quickly got the hint. She pushed herself up on her knees and unclasped the button on the front, undid the zipper and slid them down her legs. Juliana just stared at Valentina as she completed the act, completely in awe of how beautiful the woman leaning over her was, unable to believe this was really happening. 

Long brown hair cascaded down again as Valentina slid along the length of Juliana, hovering just over the younger girl. Juliana brushed Valentina’s hair over her shoulder, hyper aware of their hard nipples brushing against one another. Valentina kicked off her shorts and then pressed her whole body flush against Juliana’s, her thigh pressing firmly between Juliana’s legs. Juliana slammed her eyes shut with the pressure on her centre, as Valentina’s lips found hers again in a devastating kiss. Their tongues collided and continued with their game as Juliana lifted her own leg gently, grinding up onto Valentina. 

“Oh, God.” Valentina gasped into Juliana’s mouth.

Juliana could feel the dampness on her leg through Valentina’s underwear and it sent another shockwave through her body. She was affecting Valentina like this and it was something she didn’t think she could ever comprehend.

Valentina pushed away from Juliana’s lips and traced her tongue down her neck, her body sliding down as she explored more of Juliana’s body. Juliana’s hand weaved into Valentina’s hair as she felt Valentina’s mouth kiss against her collarbone, making it’s way south. She kissed the center of her chest and her breath hitched as she felt Valentina’s warm mouth trace up her breast and wrap delicately around her nipple. She wasn’t ready for how sensitive this would be, and she arched her back up into Valentina’s mouth further as her tongue swirled around her hardened bud. 

She moaned and called Val’s name, pressing her fingertips tightly in Valentina’s hair. The other girl seemed encouraged and moved onto the other breast. She couldn’t help the whines coming from her mouth as Valentina toyed with her, the wetness continuing to build between her legs. 

“Touch me, Val.” Valentina pulled away from her nipple with a slight pop and brought herself up, hovering over her face. 

“You don’t know how much I want you, Juls.” She uttered, placing her lips against Juliana’s. Juliana squirmed underneath her. She thought she would be more placid in this situation, have more control over her thoughts and actions. But all she could think about was Valentina. She filled all of her senses and that’s all she knew, all she cared about. She had been holding back for so long, and she wanted to finally have Valentina the way she had dreamed about. 

She felt Valentina’s shaky hand slide slowly down her side, her elbow propping her up. Juliana continued stroking the smooth expanse of Valentina’s back as Valentina’s fingers pulled at Juliana’s bikini bottom. Juliana lifted her hips slightly as Valentina slid them down to her knees, allowing Juliana to push them down from there. She was completely bare now before the woman she loved and she couldn’t have felt more comfortable, more willing to do this, more at ease, knowing Valentina was the one she was sharing this moment with. 

Valentina pulled back and looked into Juliana’s eyes as her fingers traced small circles on her hip, slowly moving to her most sensitive spot. Juliana gave a small nod as Valentina’s slender fingers finally dipped into the wet heat between her legs. 

A small “oh” was the only sound that came from Valentina as Juliana moaned at the contact, her eyes closing as she saw white spots behind her eyelids. She was completely and utterly overcome by the sensation of Valentina sliding through her folds. Valentina pressed light kisses all over Juliana’s face as she continued to explore Juliana. 

“You’re so wet.” She whispered against her cheek. 

“I told you I wanted you.” Juliana managed to puff out, hardly able to make a coherent sound. 

“It’s so hot.” Valentina mumbled as her fingers pressed against Juliana’s small bundle of nerves, eliciting the loudest sound Juliana had made yet. “Is this okay?” Valentina asked as she continued her ministrations. 

“So good.” Was all Juliana could manage, eyes still clamped shut, fingers pressing desperately into Valentina’s back. 

Valentina stroked along the length of Juliana and circled her entrance. Juliana’s skin prickled and she suddenly wanted more. She wanted to feel Valentina like this too. She opened her eyes and pushed Valentina to the side, confidence oozing through her in this moment. Valentina was taken by surprise and rolled onto her side, her fingers losing contact with Juliana. Juliana held them there, facing one another, their breaths ragged and uneven. 

“I want to touch you too. Can I?” Juliana blows onto Valentina’s lips, millimeters apart. 

“Yes.” 

They crashed their lips together again as Juliana pulled at Valentina’s underwear, Valentina helping her to push them down her legs, now both as naked as the other. Juliana wasted no time, gently cupping Valentina’s breast and twirling the pink nipple between her thumb and index finger, relishing in the sounds coming from Valentina’s throat, urging her forward. She wanted to be closer, needed to feel Valentina’s skin against hers. She pushed herself up, and at the same time guided Valentina onto her back. She dipped her head and took the other nipple into her mouth, sucking at it gently. She had no idea what she was doing, but was encouraged by Valentina’s hitching of breath, her quiet moans, the arching of her body, the goose bumps along her skin. She traced her hand down Valentina’s stomach as she continued to kiss and suck on her nipple, using her tongue to sooth the bud. 

With absolutely no second thoughts, she plunged her fingers into Valentina’s heat between her legs and her mind went blank, focusing purely on the silky feel of Valentina, listening to her name tumble from Valentina’s lips. She felt Valentina pull at her hair, her mouth suddenly on Valentina’s as she was kissed deeply, reverently. 

She had no idea what to do, but found the tight bundle of nerves and pressed against it softly, feeling Valentina squirm underneath her. She rubbed against it delicately, pulling away to watch Valentina’s face pout and huff as she got lost in Juliana’s touch. 

“I want you inside me, Juls.” She whispered as her own fingers found Juliana’s folds again, slipping through without hesitation. Juliana was completely lost, unable to focus on a single thing, her senses overloaded. She squeezed her eyes shut and worked off instinct. Her fingers found the source of Valentina’s wetness and she pushed one finger into it, surprised by the feeling of Valentina accepting her so easily. Valentina moaned her name again, giving her the confidence to push in deeper, slowly, as far as she could go. 

She stilled then, settling into the feeling of Valentina wrapped around her. She felt Valentina begin to copy her movements, pushing slowly inside of her, the feeling of it absolutely overpowering any thoughts she had of what this was going to be like. It was better than she ever imagined. 

They both opened their eyes and looked at one another through hooded eyelids. This was it, they were having sex, and neither could contain their awe of the other, the moment profound. 

Simultaneously, they began a slow rhythm, slowly sliding in and out, getting used to the pressure. Their lips pressed against skin, their eyes closed, their hips moving in sync. Juliana began to quicken her pace as Valentina crooned into her neck “more.” Juliana thought she knew what this meant and retreated her finger, just to add another. Valentina’s neck snapped back as she whimpered with the new pressure. Juliana could feel Valentina pulsing on her fingers. She then felt Valentina pull out of her, and copied her movements, slowly adding another finger. Juliana could see flashes of light behind her eyes as her body opened up for Valentina. They continued to find their rhythm, the only sounds now were breathy moans, names escaping from lips, and the slick motion of fingers moving inside one another. 

Juliana knew she wasn’t going to last much longer, the spark pulsing between her legs beginning to shoot up her spine, the tingling on her skin became more like an electric shock. Her body convulsed when she felt Valentina’s thumb rub against her bundle of nerves once more. 

“Val, God. This is -. I’m going -.” She stuttered, unable to form a complete sentence. 

“I know. I’m close, too.” Valentina croaked in her hair, pushing further. 

Juliana adjusted her hand, resting her palm on Valentina’s sensitive spot, earning herself another guttural moan from the older girl. 

And then it happened. Her body shook uncontrollably as the most intense pleasure she had ever felt surged through her veins. The word “Valentina” tumbled from her lips as fireworks exploded behind her eyes. She couldn’t help but bite down hard on Valentina’s ear lobe, and tried her hardest to continue rubbing her hand on Valentina, working through her own orgasm but not wanting to leave the other girl waiting. She felt Valentina’s walls close around her fingers and her body tense beneath her as she tried to get a hold of her own reality, her body still twitching as the remains of pleasure seeped from her. She heard expletives roll off Valentina’s tongue as she crashed through her own orgasm, their bodies sliding together. 

They both slowly pulled out of one another as they tried to control their breathing, Juliana safe in Valentina’s neck. Her whole body weight now pressed against her, unable to continue holding herself up. Valentina stroked her fingers through Juliana’s hair as they both came down, their feet finally touching back on the ground. Their free hands found each other, their fingers moving against one another, their legs intertwined. 

After a while, Juliana couldn’t help but ask. “Is it always like that?” 

Valentina laughed, her breasts bouncing slightly with the motion. “No. It’s never been like that for me.” She kissed Juliana’s hairline. 

Juliana contemplated what that meant, recalling something she had said to Val last summer. ‘Maybe it’ll be different when you’re in love, Val.’ She didn’t really have any idea at the time, and still has no other experience to base it off, but maybe she was right. 

She felt hot and sticky and glanced over at the pool of blue water next to them. She lifted her head to look at Valentina, her face peaceful. 

“Would you like to go for a swim?” 

Valentina smiled at her. “I think that’s probably a very good idea.” 

The girls extracted themselves and dipped into the cool liquid, unable to take their eyes off one another. 

**************

After a couple of hours of lazing around at the waterfall, swimming, kissing and touching, they decided it was time to go. Neither girl wanted to leave their bubble of happiness, but it was time to step back into reality. They walked the entire way back to the base of the hill hand in hand, laughing and joking as they went. There was a black SUV waiting for them there, Juliana’s bike no-where in sight. 

Valentina squeezed Juliana’s hand, reassuring her. “It’s okay, it’s in the back of the car.” 

“Oh, right.” 

“Are you hungry?” Valentina asked, clearly starving herself. 

“Yeah. Let’s go grab some food.” She smiled, following Valentina into the back of the SUV. They spent most of the car ride in comfortable silence, happy to just be in each others presence. Juliana couldn’t help but flick through memories of their first time together, her face blushing and her breath hitching. 

“What are you thinking about over there, chiquita?” Valentina whispered in her ear. 

Juliana blushed even more, caught out. She cleared her throat and bit her lip. “Uh, nothing.” 

Valentina gave her a knowing smile. She leant forward and nibbled on her ear. “Don’t start that here when I can do nothing about it.” She teased. 

Juliana smirked at her as the SUV pulled to a stop right outside of Juliana’s favorite restaurant. 

“Let’s go.” Valentina opened the door and pulled Juliana along behind her. 

Valentina ordered this time, a smorgasbord of traditional Mexican cuisine laid out in front of them. 

“I didn’t realize you were this hungry…” Juliana commented with wide eyes.

“Well, today’s activities made me work up a bit of an appetite.” Valentina poked her tongue out at Juliana and picked up a corn chip, shoving it in her mouth. They ate without talking, too entranced in filling their bellies. Eventually, Juliana filled up and sat back in her chair, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach, watching Valentina continue to eat. 

“I forgot how much you can eat.” She observed. “It’s a wonder you keep so thin.”

Valentina pouted and narrowed her eyes at Juliana, then took another bite of her taco. Juliana laughed at the sight. She was totally enamored by this gorgeous woman. 

“So, what do we do now?” She asked.

“Well, I thought you could come back to the hotel.” Valentina said, her voice lilting to sound like a question. 

Juliana smiled. “No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, what do we do now, with us?” She pointed between them.

“Oh, right.” Valentina put down her taco and finished chewing, watching Juliana. “Well, I guess we didn’t really finish talking earlier.”

“No, we did not.” Juliana giggled. 

“Okay. Well, as I said before, I know what I want.” She pushed her hand across the table and took Juliana’s in hers. It felt warm and inviting, the touch Juliana craved. She sat forward in her chair, raking her eyes over Valentina’s face. “I want to be with you. If you’ll have me.” Valentina’s features were cautious again which made Juliana’s heart melt. 

“I think I’ve made it pretty clear I want that too, Val.” She replied, watching Valentina’s face relax. 

“So…” Valentina leaned further forward, trying to close the distance between them as much as possible. “You’ll be my girlfriend?” She whispered, a smile on her lips. 

Juliana breathed out a laugh. “Yes, Val. Of course I will.” 

Valentina squealed, causing the few patrons next to them to glance their way. 

“Val, shhhh.” Juliana giggled, giddy with happiness as she watched the woman she loves bounce with excitement in front of her. 

When Valentina settled, Juliana spoke. “I have to tell my ma.” She looked up to the ceiling. “I have no idea how she is going to react.” Juliana looked back down. The look on Valentina’s face meant she didn’t sound as confident as she had hoped.

“It’ll be okay, Juls.” Valentina’s voice attempting to sooth an anxious Juliana. “I can come with you, if you want?” 

Juliana shook her head. “I appreciate it, Val. But I need to do this on my own.” 

“When are you going to tell her?” 

“I guess tonight, when I get home. I don’t want us to have to hide, I don’t want to be dishonest.” She said with conviction. She knew she couldn’t hide it from her mother if she was going to pursue a relationship with the brunette. 

“What about you? Are you going to tell your family?” Juliana asked, trying to distract herself of the difficult conversation she was going to have later tonight. 

Valentina gave her a shy smile. “Well, I kind of already told Guille.”

“What? When? And how, we only just made it official!?” Juliana burst. She really shouldn’t be surprised. 

Valentina just shrugged her shoulders. “I told Guille how I felt about you ages ago. He was the one who encouraged me to express to you how I really felt. I’ll call him later and let him know how I went.” She laughed at the last part. “But, I guess I’ll have to tell the rest of my family soon, too.”

Juliana could sense hesitation in Valentina. She remembered Eva and how harsh and cold she had seemed. Juliana wouldn’t want to have that conversation with Eva, either. 

The rest of the night went slowly as the girls continued to discuss all kinds of things. They pondered on their future, but quickly decided to just enjoy their time together right now, and deal with the big things when they happen. They finished their meal and took a walk along the beach, stealing kisses and touching one another as much as they dared to in public. 

They finally made it back to the SUV hand in hand. 

“I better get going.” Juliana said with sadness, not wanting to leave the company of the older girl.

Valentina opened the trunk of the SUV and both girls pulled the bike out of the back.

“Are you sure you want to ride home? I can drive you.”

“Thanks anyway, Val, But it might be good to clear my head before I have this conversation with my ma.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me there with you?” Valentina voice was concerned. 

Juliana cupped Valentina’s cheek. “I promise I’ll call you when it’s over, okay. I’ll let you know how it goes.” She smiled up at Valentina, leaning forward slightly. Valentina leaned down and pressed her lips delicately against Juliana’s. They breathed one another in, their lips moving gently against each other. 

Juliana broke apart, biting her lower lip. 

“I’ll call you.” She repeated as she got onto her bike. She smiled one last time at Valentina and winked at her as she turned and peddled away.

The breeze whipped her face gently as she gathered her thoughts, running over what exactly it was she was going to say to her mother. After saying a few lines out loud, she decided to just improvise, going with her gut in the moment. She knew she just had to be honest with her. 

As she approached the house, she noticed a beat up white car parked out the front. It wasn’t a vehicle she had seen before. She locked her bike up against the fence and took a deep breath as she approached the front door. She squeezed her hands together and closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts. After a moment, she grasped the door handle and turned it, entering the living room. What she saw there made her stomach drop.

As the door closed behind her, she heard him before she saw him. 

“Juliana?” His gruff voice filled the space. She knew who it was immediately. Chino. 

She took in the state of the living room. It was in a state of disarray. An armchair was on its side, there were books scattered everywhere, and the coffee table had been dragged along the ground. She heard a scuffle in the hallway and her eyes finally fell upon him. His eyes were wild and his beard was outgrown. He seemed to be dragging something behind him. Juliana’s eyes looked down to see her mother being pulled by her hair along the hallway into the living room, squirming and hissing in pain. Juliana was frozen on the spot. 

“Juliana. Finally.” Chino spat at her. He dropped her mother and stepped in front of her, wiping his brow as if he had worked up a sweat. Juliana took a moment to look at her mother and noticed the blood on her face. Bile worked its way up her throat and she felt like she might vomit. The room spun and she had to press her hand against the wall to stop her from collapsing. 

“Juliana, run.” Her mother groaned at her, panic settling in her eyes. 

Chino stepped forward and grabbed her roughly by the arms. “You aren’t going anywhere.” He pulled her to the side, picked up the armchair and shoved her down. She landed with a squeak, not prepared for his strength. His breath stunk of alcohol and he looked completely unstable. 

He sat in the other armchair and pulled out a flask, opening it and taking a swig. 

“Mama, what’s happening?” Juliana was terrified. She was worried for her mother and the state she was in, and she was worried for her own safety. 

Chino grunted at her. “We are just going to have a little chat, as a family.” 

Juliana’s temper flared. “You aren’t a part of this family.” She said sternly, her eyes glaring at him. 

“Ah, there’s my girl.” He chuckled. “Now, I’ve been watching you for a week now, and what I noticed was something very interesting. Is there anything you’d like to say?”

Juliana’s skin prickled with disgust. He’d been watching her for a week? How had she not noticed? She was furious at Chino for showing up out of the blue, and at herself for being too wrapped up in her own life to not notice she was being watched. The more time away from Chino had made her relax, under the impression if he hadn’t found them by now, he would never find them. She squeezed her eyes shut, annoyed at how naïve she had been. 

“What do you want, Chino?” She scowled. 

“I want to know what you’ve been up to?” He snarled back, leaning forward. He reeked of alcohol and body odor. 

“You haven’t just turned up out of the blue for a family reunion, Chino. What do you want?” She wanted so desperately to not let him see her fear. 

“I need help with a job. And who else better to help me than my own daughter.” He commented flippantly, as if it were that easy, settling back into the chair. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Juliana said forcefully. 

Lupe still sat on the carpet of the living room, blood caked on her face, a dazed expression on her face. Juliana wanted to help her mother and needed to call for help. She began to raise up out of her chair, saying “I need to clean up my mother.” Chino’s firm hands clasped around her arm again and dragged her down, forcing her to sit. 

“Don’t get any ideas. I have your phone, so you can’t call for help.”

Juliana’s eyes widened. How did he have her phone? She realized she hadn’t taken it with her today. She had left it on her bed this morning when she left in a hurry. Chino had been in her bedroom. She shuddered. 

“You are coming with me, whether you like it or not.” He threatened, speaking through his teeth. 

Juliana gulped, shaking her head. “I won’t. I’m staying. I won’t help you.” 

“I don’t think you understand me.” Chino chuckled. “I will hurt your mama here. Even more than the pathetic woman already is.”

“No.” Juliana choked. 

“And I will do unspeakable things to that little girlfriend of yours, if you refuse me.” He was mocking her. He knew he had won, a smug smile on his lips. Juliana’s heart sank. It was the first time since entering the room she felt like she didn’t have a chance of getting out of this. 

“What?” Lupe spoke then, her eyes on Juliana.

“That’s right, Lupe. Our daughter has been degrading herself with that Carvajal girl.” His beady eyes never left Juliana’s as he spoke. 

“Juliana?” Lupe said her name like a question, pleading for an explanation. 

Juliana pouted, her lips downturned. She shook her head and tried to focus on her breathing. She gulped as the thought of Valentina filled her mind. “I love her, ma.” She whispered, tears starting to spill down her face. 

She heard Chino scoff. “Disgusting.”

Lupe crawled slowly towards Juliana as Chino watched on. She reached Juliana and she could feel her mothers trembling hands take her own. “It’s okay, Juli. I know. I’ve known for a while how you felt about that girl. I could see it in your interactions, the way your face lights up when you talk about her. It’s okay.” She attempted to sooth Juliana. 

“I can’t have him hurt her, ma.” She choked between tears. 

She wiped away her tears and looked up at Chino. She hated it, but she knew what she had to do, even if it killed her. 

“Let me at least pack a bag.” 

Lupe cried out. “No, you can’t take her away from me.” She sobbed, her body wracked with exhaustion and guilt. 

Juliana kissed her head and she arose from the armchair and made her way slowly to her bedroom. Chino picked up Lupe and pushed her in front of him, following closely behind. Chino’s presence made Juliana’s skin crawl and she felt utterly helpless. 

Silent tears flowed down her cheeks as she threw clothes into a grey duffle bag, Lupe’s whimpering the only sound in the space. She tried to think of a way to get a note to Valentina, but Chino’s threatening gaze hindered all of her attempts. She could feel her heart breaking. 

As they reached the living room again, Juliana turned to face Chino. She clenched her jaw and hardened her gaze. “If I come with you, you have to promise to never lay a finger on my mother ever again. And you must leave Valentina the hell alone. I will do whatever I have to do if I find out you’ve done anything to either woman.” She meant it, her tone as menacing as she could muster. 

Chino’s rough laugh filled the room. “It’s a pity, really. That girlfriend of yours is absolutely gorgeous.” 

Juliana took a deep breath and looked at her mother. She looked small and bewildered. She pulled her in for a hug. “Valentina…” She whispered in her ear, unable to control the tremble in her voice. 

“I’ll tell her.” Lupe responded quickly, holding her daughter tight. “I’m sorry, my darling.” 

Juliana pulled away and picked up her duffle bag, and without looking at Chino she stormed out of the house. She could feel him follow closely behind her again, something she figured she would get used to quickly. He opened the trunk of the beaten up white car and she threw her bag in and slammed it shut. 

She took one last look at the home she has shared with Lupe, full of happy memories. She made a mental note of them and then locked them away, knowing she would have to rely on them in the coming years. She heard the car engine start and let out a shuddered breath, trying to hold herself together. She steadied herself and closed her eyes, thinking of Valentina. Her chest ached for her, desperate to just run away and hide, taking Valentina far away and holding her close, never letting go. But deep down, she knew who Chino was, and she couldn’t risk Valentina like that. 

“Get in.” Chino demanded.

She took another deep breath and got into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about doing the smut scene, but I figured sex is such an important part of a romantic relationship, so why not. I hope I did it justice! And I apologize in advance for the ending... i'll do my best to get the next update up as soon as possible!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana's time with Chino.

She was the only one at the burial site. The winter sun was shining brightly overhead, beating down on her, a light sweat developing on her brow. Her skin prickled and her black clothing clung to her body. She looked up as the cemetery worker shoveled load after load of brown earth down onto the simple wooden casket lying in the ground. Juliana stood and watched as the timber could not longer be seen, her father finally buried under six feet of dirt. 

It had been two years since she got into the beaten up white car outside of her house in Arrizo. Two years since she had been forced by her father to run away from the place she loved, the woman she loved, under threat. She got into the car that night with a broken heart, understanding she would never see Valentina again as long as Chino breathed. During the car trip, he reminded her time and again about what he was capable of, of what he could do to Valentina if she defied him. Juliana didn’t even want to gamble with Valentina’s life, knowing she could never risk it. Valentina and her family were public figures in Mexico, Leon Carvajal owning and running one of the largest corporations in the country. She knew Valentina would not be difficult for Chino to find with her family being so famous. 

Juliana attempted to come to terms with her new reality on that trip in the dark, watching the lights of small and large towns flash by. She assumed they would be going to Mexico City, where she lived with Chino in her earlier years. But she was surprised when her father directed the car towards the USA border, the sun beginning to rise over the horizon. Juliana felt sick, knowing a new day was beginning and she hadn’t been able to call Valentina like she promised. She hoped the girl was okay, that her mother would be able to explain to her why she had to leave. Her stomach knotted up and she curled into herself as she thought about Valentina left behind in Arrizo with no explanation from Juliana herself. She didn’t know if she’d ever see the girl again. She could barely breath. 

She raised her eyebrows as Chino pulled out her passport and handed it over to the customs official when they reached the border. She had no idea what lie Chino was spinning to grant them access into the country. She was exhausted and didn’t want to hear it, she couldn’t bear to be involved, so she closed her eyes and tuned out. The less she knew, the better. After a small delay, she felt the car lurching forward again.

They had arrived in San Antonio hours later, pulling up to a small trailer in a derelict trailer park as the sun was beginning to set again. Juliana had barely slept since getting into the beaten up vehicle, and had long since stopped engaging in conversation with Chino as she found it just went nowhere. He wouldn’t listen to her, had no interest in her complaints or arguments, and showed no sympathy. He was gruff and unapologetic, so she simply blocked him out of her thoughts. She considered running away when Chino stopped the car for a break, but her thoughts always flicked back to Valentina’s sweet face, and the thought of his disgusting hands touching her. She never even got to unbuckle her seatbelt, tears falling down her face each time she thought of her.

Two years after they had arrived in that depressing place, Juliana found herself waiting in the same beat up white vehicle she had arrived in the USA in, sitting stationary outside of a run down building, listening to music blaring from the broken windows. She had been a dutiful slave to Chino, acting as essentially his getaway driver as he made dodgy deals with all kinds of San Antonio scum. She often found herself in perilous situations, using instinct and the few defensive moves Chino had taught her to get herself out of violent predicaments. Narco’s were never nice people, and she found herself hardening and becoming bitter at the world as time passed, watching with disgust as people threaten, beat and kill one another. 

She had multiple scars to prove how drastic her life had changed since Chino took her away. A deep gash on her left arm constantly reminded her of the knife attack at the hands of one of Chino’s henchman. Nico had taken an instant likening to Juliana, his black eyes narrowing at her, licking his lips each time she was present. The hairs on her neck stood up when she felt his gaze sweep across her slim frame, her body screaming at her to run away from him, her instincts telling her he was a threat. Chino and his two other dealers drank too much and passed out one night in the trailer, leaving Nico alone with Juliana. He had taken the opportunity and advanced on her. She saw it right away, reacting the only way she knew how. She punched and pushed at him, grappling at his arms and clothing as he grinned at her with yellow teeth, pushing forwards. Her screams became muffled as his large hand covered her mouth, her eyes widening at the strength of the man, suddenly hyper aware of her inability to fight him off on her own. When Juliana landed a particularly harsh blow to Nico’s privates, he hissed at her and pulled out a blade, slashing the air in front of him in rage. She screamed and raised her hands in self-defense. The blade landed heavily on her forearm, blood pouring from the wound, a gurgling sound the only noise escaping her mouth, her mind unable to process the pain, her vision blurred. She immediately grabbed at the cut, dropping to the floor, quickly losing the strength to fight Nico off any more. She didn’t hear the bottle crash over Nico’s head, or hear the thump of his body hit the floor as his brain shut off. She felt strong arms wrap around her body and pick her up, smelt the alcohol on his breath, heard Chino’s voice tell her they were going to the hospital. Juliana could not comprehend what was going on, clinging onto the wet gash on her arm, finally closing her eyes and losing herself in piercing blue as she fell away into unconsciousness. 

A small white line marred the skin of her neck, reminding her of hot breath against her face as Juan held her closely to his body, yelling rage fuelled threats to Chino across the darkened room. Six months into her time with Chino and she had accompanied him on a deal as per his request. She followed him silently into the building, head down like she had been told. She was hastily grabbed from behind, a solid body pressing into hers, a cold metal sitting firmly against her neck. Juliana had yelped, attempting to break out of his hold. The knife had pressed too deeply into the skin in her neck in her struggle, slicing a small line into the skin, blood dripping from the cut. The hold on her tightened as she groaned at the pain, finally stilling against him. Chino yelled at him, tried to calm him down, while Juliana stood flinching, the sharp steel pressing firmly into her neck. She closed her eyes and envisioned Valentina standing in front of her, smiling. It calmed her, it steadied her breathing, it relaxed her tense muscles. Suddenly there was an intense ringing sound in her ears as warm liquid trickled down her face and shoulders. She opened her eyes to see Juan on the ground, half of his face missing. She looked up as Chino shoved the gun in his pants, grabbed her by the arm and ran, shoving her out of the building and into the car. 

The small circular scar on the end of her right eyebrow is the mark that bothers her the most. Antonio, another of Chino’s men, had put out a lit cigarette on her temple as she slept on the couch in the trailer one night. She jolted awake, screeching, brown eyes glaring at her as he pushed the cigarette harder into her skin. Before she could react, Chino had picked him up and thrown him out of the trailer. She never saw him again after that. 

Juliana had listened to the music pump from the building as she waited for Chino to return. The street had very dim lighting and she could only just see her hands firmly holding the steering wheel in front of her. She tapped her hands against the leather along with the rhythm of the music. Her memory flicked back to when she had taught Valentina to dance many summers before. She remembered how excited she had felt with Valentina so close, how her body reacted so acutely to the feel and smell of the brunette. She closed her eyes and attempted to remember her scent, her laugh, the feel of her soft skin against her own. 

She was jolted from her daydream as a singular gunshot rang out from the building. She jerked her head towards the sound, watching as five men scrambled out of the building, stumbling over one another and running away in different directions. Chino was noticeably not one of them. She waited with baited breath until she couldn’t see anyone else hanging around. She reluctantly pulled on the door handle and stepped out of the car, her black jeans and black leather jacket helping to envelope her in the darkness of the street. She jogged to the entrance of the building, pushing open the door and stepping inside. It smelt of smoke and body odour, the only light coming from a random assortment of lamps scattered around the room. 

Chino lay on his back in the middle of the floor, gurgling and coughing as he clutched at his chest. Juliana abandoned all thoughts of fear and ran to her father, scraping her knees as she landed heavily beside him, grabbing his arms and looking into his face. His eyes were unfocused, hopelessly searching the room as he tried to take a breath. Juliana took one look at the gunshot wound in his chest, watching the blood and flesh coagulate and seep out of his chest cavity, and knew it was a fatal shot. She felt her whole world spin. 

Chino’s searching eyes finally found hers and recognition swept across his face. His features softened and the gurgling in his throat became less forced. 

“I’m sorry, Juliana.” He choked. 

She looked down at him, her brow creased. She couldn’t process her emotions. She hated this man, but they had spent the last two years together. As much as she resented him and despised him, at times when he was sober he showed her compassion and humor. He had defended her and saved her from dangerous situations. Though, the fact that he had put her in those dangerous situations was not lost on her. A single tear snuck out of her eye, as Chino’s wheezing slowed even further, stopping completely moments later. His chest ceased moving and his eyes became blank.

She wiped her nose and tried to grasp her thoughts. 

Juliana stood then, grabbed Chino under his arms, and dragged him to the car. Her strength had increased since living with Chino due to their on-edge lifestyle. Her father had taught her everything he knew in terms of fighting, often spending hours at night practicing sparring with one another. Chino gave her hints about her hand placement or what her feet should have been doing, urging her to be better, to try harder. She had often come away from those nights with multiple bruises and bloody clothes, but she enjoyed being able to hit him back. All of her pent up frustrations about her shitty life was given the opportunity to be let out against the man who put her in this mess. The physical strength training worked in her favor now as she lifted her fathers body into the back seat of their vehicle, slamming the door shut, turning over the ignition and speeding off down the dark street. 

Her mind raced as she thought of what to do. She found herself back outside the trailer. Juliana took one glance in the rear-view mirror at her father. She took in a deep breath and raced into the trailer. She packed herself a bag, hastily shoving clothes into the same grey duffle bag she had arrived in two years previously. She stopped and looked around the trailer, wiping her brow with the exertion of the nights events. It was 3am and she was exhausted, but she knew she couldn’t stop. She didn’t know who might have heard of what happened to Chino already, scared of who might turn up to the trailer at any time. She had no-one to save her now. Then she remembered a conversation she had with Chino three weeks prior. 

_“If anything were to ever happen to me, the code for the safe is 1304. You take what’s in it and you get out of here.”_

_“Chino, what are you talking about?” _

_“The safe, Juliana. This safe.” He pointed at the black box in the bottom of the wardrobe. “Grab it and run.” His eyes were piercing as he stared at her. _

_“The code for the safe is my birthday?” She quizzed him, speaking slowly. _

_“Listen to me closely, Juliana. If for some reason I don’t come back, use the code, take everything and get as far away from here as possible. Do you hear me?” He was becoming agitated as he spoke, his voice raising. _

_“Yes, Chino. I understand.” _

She raced over to the safe and pressed in the code. It clicked open and her eyes widened at what she saw. Stacks of money, all rolled up and held together by rubber bands, were neatly resting inside the safe. She took handfuls of the cash and threw them into her bag. She also grabbed her passport, zipped her bag and raced back out to the car. She hurled her bag into the passenger seat and put her foot down on the accelerator, never looking back at the trailer she was leaving behind. 

She pulled up outside of Miguel’s house at 6am. Miguel was the only one of her fathers men she had any positive connection with. He had looked after them both, often sheltering them when they were on the run from drug deals gone bad. Miguel had fed them, clothed them and had been kind to them when no-one else was. She raced up to the door with the duffle bag slung over her shoulder and pressed the doorbell impatiently. Miguel answered the door wrapped in a robe, his hair disheveled and eyes only half open. 

“Juliana. What’s wrong?” His voice was laced with concern, his disposition changing as he took in her appearance. 

She looked down at herself and noticed her hands had blood caked on them. She must have looked a mess. 

“Chino is dead.” She replied without emotion. 

Miguel’s face morphed into one of shock. “What?” He gaped at her. 

“He was shot last night. A deal obviously went bad and they shot him in the chest. He’s in the car.” She turned to look at the white vehicle, visions of Chino’s lifeless body flooding her vision. 

“God. Come in, Juliana.” He pushed the screen door open and Juliana walked inside the small living room. “I’m going to sort this out. You need to shower and clean up. You do that and I’ll make arrangements.” He pushed her towards the bathroom. She had no energy to refuse and she desperately needed a shower. 

Juliana stood motionless under the hot water as it streamed over her body. She shut her eyes and tried not to think about what was going to happen next. She scrubbed the blood off her body and willed the lump in her throat to go away. 

By the time she walked back into the living room, dressed in a fresh black shirt and dark jeans, Miguel was dressed and ready to go. 

“I’ve got it all organized. Are you ready?” He said to her softly. 

“Where are we going?” Juliana raised an eyebrow. She still couldn’t completely trust anyone, even Miguel. 

“To the cemetery. I know a guy who can organize a burial for Chino. If that’s what you want…” Miguel seemed unsure.

“That’s the best option I’ve got, Miguel. Thank you.” She placed her hand on Miguel’s forearm and gave it a squeeze. His dark mustache lifted as he offered her a sympathetic smile in response. 

They drove to the cemetery in silence and Juliana let Miguel do all the talking when they arrived. They lifted Chino out of the car and lowered him carefully into the timber box beside the place where he would be buried. Miguel wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they watched four men lower the casket into the hole in the ground using a pulley system. She stood frozen in place, watching the casket intently. Miguel gently squeezed her shoulder and left her alone as one of the men began filling the hole that her father now occupied. 

When the final grains of dirt were thrown into the hole and the timber box could no longer be seen, Juliana finally broke down, sinking to the ground, holding her knees to her chest, sobs wracked her body. Her head was all over the place, her thoughts erratic, and she was unable to pinpoint exactly why she was so emotional. It was a mixture of relief of finally being free of Chino, of anxiousness about her future, a crushing feeling of being so lost, of exhaustion about the events of the last 24 hours, of feeling terrified of being on her own, and confusion over the loss of her father. 

She let herself fall apart, her mind unable to process her emotions properly in her state. 

After some time, she picked herself up and walked back to the car and found Miguel leaning on the front. 

“So, where to?” 

Juliana frowned as she thought about what to do next. She looked at his deep brown eyes and shrugged her shoulders. 

“I’m not sure. I just know I need to get out of here.”

They looked at one another for a moment. 

“I’m sorry, Juliana. For your loss.” Miguel said it with such sincerity, her bottom lip trembled as she fought back more tears. 

“Thank you for your help, Miguel. You were my fathers best friend. I’ll be forever grateful for your help today.” She outstretched her hand. 

Miguel just chuckled and leaned forward, dismissing the handshake and pulling Juliana in for a hug. 

Juliana had avoided affectionate physical contact for two years. It wasn’t something she had to do often, as the only physical contact really offered to her was either threatening or violent. So she had grown used to the lack of positive physical contact. But as Miguels warm arms wrapped around her, she couldn’t help but relax into the embrace a little, holding him tightly to her as she struggled to hold herself together. 

She dropped Miguel home, and with a wave, peeled off onto the road, patting the duffle bag still lying next to her on the passenger seat. 

Juliana had no clear idea where she wanted to go. She mulled over the idea of going back to Mexico. She yearned to see her mother, but still harbored feelings of resentment towards her after what had happened at their home in Arrizo two years ago. She knew it was not Lupe’s fault that Chino had turned up out of the blue and taken her away, but she still felt like her mother had let her down. Juliana knew no-one would have been able to find her, with no previous links to San Antonio, but she was still disappointed when every day, she would wake up on the pull out bed in the trailer, and no-one had come to her rescue. She hated the feeling, but she didn’t think she would ever be able to forget how hopeless her mother had been when Chino had re-entered their lives and threatened harm to the people she loved. She had questioned herself, when lying awake at night, why her mother didn’t do more to help the situation, why her mother didn’t stand up to Chino, why her mother let her be taken away so easily. Juliana quickly realized those thoughts only lead to broken sleep and bad dreams, so she tried not to dwell on the unanswered questions.

She thought about Valentina. She thought about driving all day and night to see the woman she still loved after all this time. She thought about seeing Valentina and all the things she would say to her. It filled her heart when she thought about the reunion she dreamed of, the feeling of having Valentina in her arms once again. But she stopped herself. She had absolutely no idea what had happened to Valentina after the night she drove out of Arrizo with Chino. She did not know what she was doing with her life now or whether the brunette ever thought about her. Juliana couldn’t expect Valentina to stop her life for her, or to change anything for her.  
She also chastised herself about the person she had become. She was a different person now. Her time with Chino had changed her. She was no longer the young and carefree Juliana from when she spent those summers on the beach with Valentina. She was scared about what the brunette might think about her. She was scared Valentina might reject her, might not want her anymore. She was scared she might see her scars and be disgusted by them. She was scared that the past two years had darkened her a little too much, and she couldn’t risk dimming Valentina’s light. 

She drove to the airport in Dallas, parked the beaten up white car, and threw the keys in the trash. She slung her grey duffle bag over her shoulder and walked into the terminal, purchasing a one-way ticket to New York. As she sat in the departures lounge and waited for her flight, she saw a booth selling phones. Juliana pulled out some cash and bought a phone and SIM card. 

Her fingers trembled as she pressed the power button, the light shining on her face as it switched on. Juliana waited for the phone to load and then pressed that vaguely familiar green phone button. She wondered briefly if Valentina had changed numbers, thankful she leaned the number by heart. She covered her bases, ensuring her phone number was on private, untraceable. She hesitantly hit the numbers in sequence, her hands clammy as her index fingers hovered over the phone symbol. She pressed it and brought the phone up to her ear slowly, listening to the dial tone.

Her heart skipped a beat as a sweet voice reached her ear.

“Hola.” Valentina said sweetly into the phone. 

Juliana said nothing, focusing on her breathing, the lump forming in her throat again. 

“Hola?” Valentina sounded curious.

Without permission, a small sob escaped Juliana’s lips. 

“Juliana?” Valentina’s tone changed in an instant, concern and hesitation lacing her voice. “Juliana, is that you?” She almost whispered down the phone. 

Juliana shook her head and felt hot tears streaming down her face. She squeezed her eyes shut and bent her head. Her index finger hit the end call button, her connection with Valentina gone. 

After a moment, she wiped her face with her sleeve, stood and walked to gate 12, and boarded her plane to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this pretty quickly as I have a lot of stuff going on in the coming weeks (as i'm sure everyone does) and I'm not sure how often i'll be able to update. There aren't too many more chapters to go! I hope you're still with me!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana comes to terms with her new life in New York.

Juliana departed the arrivals terminal at JFK Airport looking dishelved and lost after burying her father. She was homeless and devastated, unsure of where to go or what to do. All she knew was she couldn’t reach out to her family, or Valentina. She was too broken and couldn’t bear for them to pick up the pieces. So she hailed a taxi to Brooklyn and with a grit and determination she had learned over the course of her life, she clenched her jaw and began the journey to piece her life back together. 

Juliana spent the first few nights in the new city in a women’s refuge. She couldn’t be surrounded by so much misery for long, so she used the money that she had taken from the safe back in the trailer in Texas to sub-let a small apartment. Juliana called Lucy after finding her simple flier pinned to a community noticeboard. The words “quiet and considerate” stood out to Juliana, reluctant to enter into a party house. After a quick conversation at a coffee shop, Juliana felt comfortable enough in Lucy’s presence to accompany her to the apartment for a look. There was nothing special about the space, but it had everything she needed. Lucy seemed like a nice enough girl, and she needed to get out of the refuge urgently. Juliana paid two months cash rent in advance, and moved her minimal amount of belongings in that afternoon. 

Lucy was also nice enough to put her in contact with a friend of hers who owned a cafe in Brooklyn. Perlita was an older woman and happily put Juliana to work, telling her she had come just at the right time as she was running short staffed. Juliana took as many shifts as Perlita could offer her, welcoming the distraction of working to avoid the crushing loneliness she felt. 

Juliana and Lucy slowly became great friends. Lucy never pushed Juliana to tell her anything she felt uncomfortable divulging which was something Juliana truly appreciated in her new friend. Over time, Juliana’s walls crumbled and she began to trust Lucy, confiding in her when she felt weak and adrift. 

Lucy found out very quickly, and the hard way, that Juliana was jumpy. Instead of creating a scene and making it an issue, Juliana was surprised that Lucy accepted her for who she was and didn’t judge her or her actions.

On their third morning of living together, Lucy failed to knock when entering the bathroom. Juliana didn’t hear Lucy approaching, but felt a looming presence behind her. The familiar feeling of being trapped or harmed crept up her spine and her flight or fight instinct kicked in. Chino had taught her that flight was never an option. He taught her that you stay and fight until the end, and that no daughter of his was a coward. Her body reacted on reflex, turning and slamming Lucy up against the bathroom door, her forearm jammed into her throat. She saw the fear in Lucy’s hazel eyes, her blonde hair still messy from sleep. She had squeaked Juliana’s name as Juliana tried to suck the air into her lungs and shake the image of a narco attempting to sneak up on her out of her mind. She let Lucy go with a huff and mumbled an apology, embarrassed by her outburst. She scattered out of the apartment without looking at her new housemate, feeling ashamed of her reaction and worried she would find herself on the street again. 

Juliana got home that night to find Lucy cooking in the kitchen. Juliana had all day to mull over what she had done, knowing she had to apologize to the girl and accept whatever Lucy may ask of her, whether it was to leave or keep to herself. 

“Hey, Juliana! How was work?” Lucy acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, her cheery voice a nice surprise. 

Juliana dropped her bag on the table next to the door and walked to the island bench, watching Lucy stir in a pot. 

“It was okay, I guess. Busy.” Juliana shrugged her shoulders, her voice emotionless. She was tired. 

“Well, I’m cooking spaghetti. Would you like some? I made enough for us both.” 

Juliana’s eyes widened at the girls kind offer. 

“Ah, sure. That would be great.” 

Juliana turned and walked to cramped table, silently setting two places. By the time she placed the water jug on the table, Lucy was walking over with two bowls full of steaming pasta. 

Juliana smiled weakly at Lucy and sat down. They sat and ate in silence for the first couple of minutes, Juliana attempting to find the courage to say what she needed to say.

She cleared her throat, seeking Lucy’s attention.

“Lucy. I’m really sorry for how I acted this morning. It won’t happen again.”

Lucy just shook her head as she sucked a string of spaghetti into her mouth. 

“It’s fine, Juliana. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” She muffled around a mouth full of food.

Juliana scrunched her eyebrows together. She felt like she needed to offer the girl a small explanation, especially since she was going to be living with her. 

“Look. I feel like I should tell you, I’ve been through a bit these past couple of years. I’m here because I had no-where else to go. I want to be a good housemate, and I’ll try my best to not get in your way.” Juliana mumbled through her confession, twirling her fork in her pasta, struggling to find the courage to look at Lucy as she spoke. 

Lucy reached out for Juliana’s hand, but she snapped it back, instinct kicking in again. 

“God. I’m sorry.” Juliana closed her eyes and dropped her head. 

“Hey. It’s okay. I can see you’ve been through a lot. But it’s alright, I’m not about to kick you out because you are trying to deal with your problems. We all have skeletons, Juliana. I’m not here to judge.” 

Juliana could tell Lucy was trying to use her least threatening voice, attempting to sooth the clearly anxious girl in front of her. Juliana looked up and gave Lucy a sad smile. “Thank you. For giving me a chance.”

Six months into their tenancy and Juliana told Lucy small parts of her past as they became more comfortable with one another, a friendship blossoming. Lucy came home one afternoon to find Juliana hunched over her sketchbook, earphones in her ears while her hand flittered across the page. Juliana jumped slightly when she noticed the movement, as Lucy slumped into the armchair next to the sofa where Juliana was sitting. She quickly wiped her face and pulled the ear buds out of her ears. 

“Juli. Are you okay?” The empathy in Lucy’s voice made her eyes well with tears all over again. 

Juliana took a moment to control the lump in her throat, blinking rapidly. 

“Yeah. Just thinking.” Juliana still struggled to open up. She looked at the blonde girl sitting across from her and asked how her day was.

“I don’t want to talk about me. What are you drawing?” Lucy leaned forward as Juliana covered the page with her arms. 

“It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Lucy reached across and brushed Juliana’s hands away. 

Juliana was feeling particularly vulnerable today. She didn’t know where it came from. Sometimes she woke up and felt stronger, ready to take on whatever challenge came her way. She happily eased into the routine of working at the café, enjoying the busy work. But most of the time she woke up with a heavy weight on her chest, vivid memories flicking through her dreams, interrupting her sleep. Today had been a hard day and she didn’t have the energy to fight with Lucy tonight, so she let her in, exposing herself through her drawings. 

Lucy gasped as she took the sketchpad into her hands. Her fingers gently touched the image, a quietness taking over the apartment. 

“It’s beautiful.” She breathed. 

“I dreamt of them last night.” Juliana murmured. 

“Who do they belong to?” 

Juliana glanced down to the image she had drawn. The big, blue eyes that haunt her whenever she closes her eyes stared back up at her. She closed her eyes as she saw the crystal blue smiling at her. A calmness washed over her.

“Valentina.” It felt nice to say the name out loud again. 

When she opened her eyes, she found Lucy smiling at her. 

“It’s nice to see you smiling, Juli.” 

Juliana didn’t notice the small grin that had taken over her face at the release of her favourite name off her lips. 

“She must have been amazing to earn a smile like that.” Lucy chuckled. 

Juliana nodded sheepishly. “I’m in love with her.”  
As soon as the words left her lips, Juliana stilled. She had no idea where the words came from, not thinking before she spoke. She had no idea how Lucy would react. She had kept these feelings, these words, locked away for so long.

“Well, where is she?” Lucy seemed hesitant to ask but Juliana felt relieved to finally be talking about Valentina. It had been so long since she was able to speak about her to someone else and it felt therapeutic. She also noted that Lucy didn’t react poorly to her confession, but seemed curious to learn more about her.

“Mexico City, I think.” 

“Why aren’t you with her?” 

“It’s a long story.” Juliana shrugged her shoulders and took back her sketchpad. 

“I’m here to listen, if you want. I love story time!” Lucy got comfortable in her armchair and smiled.

Juliana looked back down at her drawing and smiled at the familiar blue eyes looking back at her. She yearned for Valentina every moment of every day. And so she let herself talk about her, telling Lucy about her love story with Valentina. She explained how they met, how Valentina made her feel, how their friendship blossomed into the most beautiful thing she had ever felt, how she never wanted anything so passionately in her whole life. She told Lucy about her mother and step-father, smiling as she remembered their home. Juliana felt a small weight lift off her shoulders as she told her story, relieved that there was finally someone else she could talk to about her life, to share her secrets with. 

“I don’t get it. Why did you have to leave?” Lucy sipped on the tea she had made them as Juliana was speaking, showing genuine interest in the story. 

Juliana closed off a little at the question, unwilling to share this part of her. So she disclosed as much as she felt comfortable. 

“My father took me away. He wasn’t a good man, and I couldn’t say no.”

Lucy had a quizzical look on her face. 

“But, weren’t you old enough to just tell him no?” 

Juliana took in a deep breath, trying to figure out a way to navigate around this part of the story without giving too much information. 

“I wasn’t in the position to say no. I had to go with him.”

Lucy frowned and took another long sip of her tea, contemplating this piece of information. 

“So, how did you end up here?” 

Juliana lifted her knees to her chest, hugging them to her body. She didn’t want to lie to her friend who had shown her so much kindness.

“My father died. I didn’t know what to do, not having spoken to my family or Valentina in two years. So I came here on a whim. To get as far away as possible.”

Lucy seemed to consider this, biting her lower lip as she nodded her head slowly. Juliana felt like a coward as she said those words. She knew how it would sound to her friend, like she just ran away from her problems. But she didn’t know what else to say without explaining what her time with Chino had been like, the threats he had made, how she had felt powerless under his control. She didn’t want to explain that she couldn’t bear the rejection from the girl she loved after Valentina found her broken and discovered how much she’d changed, after she’d left her without word. She knew it sounded weak and irresponsible. Her heart began to ache again as the thought of never seeing Valentina again seeped into her brain. 

“I think she’d love to hear from you.” 

Juliana just shook her head. “I can’t.” 

“What about your parents, Lupita and Panchito? Have you told them you’re safe?” 

Juliana looked down and shook her head again. 

“Juli. Look at me.” Lucy’s tone of voice was sharp.

Juliana locked eyes with a concerned set of hazel gazing back at her. “I think it’s important you at least touch base with your mother. I don’t know your history with her, but if there is any advice I can give you, it’s to let your mother know you are safe.” 

Lucy spoke with such clarity and force that it seemed to resonate with Juliana. She scratched her head and nodded, reaching for her phone. “You’re right.” She looked up at Lucy again. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime, chick.” Lucy winked at her and lifted up off the chair. “I’ll leave you to make that call. And I’ll be checking in with you later to make sure you went though with it.” Lucy took Juliana’s empty mug off the coffee table and placed them into the kitchen sink, before disappearing into her bedroom, leaving Juliana alone again. 

Juliana’s palms were suddenly sweaty as she looked at her phone screen. She wiped her palms down the leg of her jeans in an attempt to wipe away the moisture, swallowing thickly as she typed in the numbers of her mothers phone number. Juliana always had her phone number on private, so she knew her mother wouldn’t be able to trace her. She didn’t want to be contactable. 

“Hola.” 

Juliana stalled as she heard Lupita’s voice through the phone. She cleared her throat, which seemed to have dried completely up.

“Ma.” She croaked.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. Juliana could feel the tension running through her whole body. 

“Juli?” Lupita whimpered through the phone. 

“Yeah, ma. It’s me.” 

Juliana could hear a sob explode from Lupita. 

“Ma, it’s okay. I’m okay.” Juliana attempted to sooth her mother. 

“Juli. Oh my God. Where are you? I haven’t heard from you in years. What are you doing?” Lupita stumbled over her words. 

“I’m safe, and I’m doing okay.”

“Juliana. I’m so glad to hear your voice.” 

Juliana didn’t know how to respond. She was still coming to terms with her relationship with Lupe and she was unsure of how to approach it with her. Silence was broken when Lupe called out to someone on her end. “Panchito, quickly! It’s Juliana.”

“Pancho. Is he okay?” Juliana’s voice sounded thin to her own ears. 

“He’s just fine, darling. He’s worried about you.”

“Tell him I’m fine.”

Suddenly Lupe’s tone changed. “Where’s Chino?”

Juliana closed her eyes and blew out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“He’s dead.” 

Juliana could hear Lupe’s sharp intake of breath. 

“Are you coming home?” 

Juliana tapped her foot on the ground as she tried to hold back tears. 

“No, ma. I can’t.” 

“Juli. Please? Why not? What happened?” Lupita’s voice was desperate, pleading. “You need to come home. You’ll be safe here with me.”

“Chino’s been gone six months, ma, and I’ve been doing fine on my own since.” Juliana snapped. 

“What? Six months? Juliana, where are you?” 

Juliana’s mouth downturned and she shook her head. “I can’t tell you that, ma.” Juliana’s fist clenched and unclenched unconsciously.

Lupita was crying now, her words muffled through the tears. “Juli. I miss you. Please, come home.” 

Juliana’s head was in her hands. This was harder than she thought. 

“I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.” She choked out, pressing her thumb firmly on the red button, ending the call. She burst into tears, quietly releasing all the pent up emotions over her mother she had been holding on to. She hugged the cushions on the sofa until she fell asleep.

****************** 

Two years since Juliana had made the decision to fly to New York and she felt somewhat settled. She knew now, at age 21, that her life would never be how she imagined it. She would never do further study, she would never have a large group of friends due to her lingering trust issues, she would never travel the world with the girl she loved by her side. 

Missing Valentina was the hardest part of her new life. She often watched the moon through her small window at night and wondered if the beautiful girl she fell in love with during those endless summers was out there somewhere, underneath the same moon, living her life the way Juliana hoped she was. She hoped Valentina didn’t live with the same guilt and hopelessness that she lives with every waking moment. She hoped that above all else, Valentina moved on from their soft confessions of love and found herself a strong career and a happy life. The thought of Valentina with another person made her stomach want to do somersaults, but she wished the girl all the happiness in the world.  
If her existence had to be an empty one, she hoped Valentina made it up for the both of them.

Juliana finished her shift at Perlita’s early one afternoon after working a busy morning and lunch shift. The older woman forced Juliana to go home, uttering that she worked far too much as she gently pushed Juliana out the door of her café. 

“Enjoy the sunshine, Juli!” Perlita called as Juliana rolled her eyes and continued down the street. It was a fresh spring afternoon, the cool bite of winter slowly disappearing from the breeze, the snow now melted. With the extra time in her afternoon, she decided to take Perlita’s advice and take a longer walk home. She walked a few blocks longer than normal, pulling the heavy glass door open to the small local art gallery. Juliana had stumbled upon the gallery about a year ago and was very interested in their idea of displaying and selling exclusive local artwork. After a few long conversations with Lucy, Juliana built up the courage to take some of her art work into the curator to assess his interest in selling some of her drawings. She felt silly but knew she had nothing to lose.

Luckily for her, Jason, the gallery director, fell in love with her simple and elegant style of drawing. He had quickly agreed to sell his favorite sketches of Juliana’s in his shop, framing them and slapping an exorbitant amount of money on the designs. Juliana just smiled and thanked Jason when she walked out that first day, not expecting anything to come from it. 

Eight days after Juliana had given Jason her drawings, he was calling her and asking for more, advising her the four sketches she had given him had all sold. She was shocked at his words, unable to string a proper sentence together. Juliana found herself in the gallery the next day with four more drawings, and Jason shook her hand as he handed her the wad of cash she had earned from the previous sketches he had sold. 

This was the start of a professional relationship she never expected. Jason continued to support her, selling her drawings in his shop. They soon became the most popular and sought after artworks he stocked, and Juliana was only happy to keep providing him with her drawings. She found inspiration every day, drawing portraits of people she saw in the café, families playing the park, couples cuddling on the subway, children throwing snowballs at one another on the street. It made her heart ache as she watched people fulfill their lives, make connections, smile and laugh with their friends and loved ones. She knew she was too damaged and closed off for her life to be full of satisfying relationships, so she took solace in watching others, drawing them in their natural habitat. 

Surprisingly, the sketch of Valentina’s eyes sold the quickest. Juliana had held onto the drawing of the deep blue eyes, but parted with it the previous day, wondering if anyone would be interested in such a simple image. Jason had called her during her morning shift at the café, cackling at how some poor soul had just spent a small fortune on the drawing, and she was welcome to come in and collect her share of the sale whenever she could. The free time Juliana had found herself with was the perfect opportunity to pick up her cash.

Juliana put her whole body into opening the large glass door, stepping inside the well-lit gallery. She scanned the wall of framed drawings and photographs as she walked to the large timber desk in the center of the room, noticing a few of her original drawings still hanging on the wall. 

“Jason, hey.” Juliana greeted the gallery director.

“Juliana! It’s such great news about your recent image. I think that’s the quickest I’ve ever sold a drawing.” Jason grinned at the girl. “And the amount he paid for it. I didn’t even have to negotiate with him, he paid the full amount without question.” Jason seemed impressed by his own sales skills. 

“That’s great, Jason.” Juliana gave him a polite smile. It’s not that she didn’t like Jason, but she didn’t like the slight glint in his eye as they flicked from her eyes to her breasts. She felt uncomfortable being alone with him. Juliana couldn’t work out if that was because she didn’t like being alone with any man, or if it was just Jason himself. She had never properly dealt with her deep-rooted anxiety and fear born during her time with Chino, constantly scanning the room for exists and obstacles. 

“I’ll go and get your cash. We both made some money off this one. And such a simple image, too!” He almost skipped to the door at the back of the store, the bright lights shining off his bald head as he entered the store room. 

Juliana shoved the cash in her bag and thanked Jason, promising to drop off some more sketches in the next couple of weeks. She continued her walk down the same street instead of turning to go back to her apartment. Juliana was enjoying the feel of the sunshine on her face and the fresh air in her lungs. It wasn’t often that she spent much time outside for leisure. It was too cold in the winter months, and she often avoided people as much as possible in the warmer months, electing to sketch and read in her apartment rather than have to battle with the crowds of people. 

Once she reached the park that overlooked the Manhattan skyline, she turned and took another road, heading in the direction of home. She was enjoying the new scenery as she was suddenly stopped in her tracks. 

A large image of Valentina was hung in a bookstores window. The bright blue eyes shone down on her as her world spun, her eyes blinking, her brain attempting to process what she was seeing. She didn’t even react to the woman who bumped into her as she stood in the middle of the path, dismissing the profanity the woman called her, as Juliana offered no apology. Juliana stepped slowly up to the window, reading the print on the poster. 

“Up and coming author, Valentina Carvajal, book reading and signing 7pm 28th March 2019. Tickets available to purchase in-store.”

Her mouth was agape as she took in the information. Valentina was here, in New York. She had written a book. She was doing a reading here, tomorrow night. 

“Holy shit.” She mumbled under her breath, a sweat breaking out over her forehead.

Before Juliana could process what this all meant, she found her feet shuffling to the door of the bookstore, creaking the wooden door open and stepping inside. 

The shop had that distinct book smell about it that Juliana breathed in deeply. It seemed to help somehow, her brain beginning to focus. She was starting to internally kick herself for avoiding searching for Valentina on the internet and staying far away from social media. She knew she couldn’t put herself through watching Valentina move on with her life through a screen, so she swore to herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t search for the girl she had fallen in love with. 

Juliana walked to the large oak desk and cleared her throat. 

A young woman with glasses looked down at her. 

“Can I help you, madam?” She asked, a tinge of annoyance in her voice. 

“Yes. I’d like to buy a ticket to the event tomorrow night, please.” Juliana stumbled over her words, still unsure of what her plan was. 

“Of course. It begins at 7pm with canapés and wine, with time for you to meet Miss Carvajal. She will begin the reading at 8pm and will take questions after that.” The woman looked at Juliana over her glasses while she spoke. 

“How much for a ticket?” 

“$40 will get you entrance and a complimentary glass of wine.”

“Great. I’ll take one please.” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out some cash. She noticed Valentina’s name on the cover of a book on the desk. She picked it up and placed it in front of her. “The book too, please.” 

“You haven’t read the book, yet?” The woman narrowed her eyes at Juliana. 

“Not yet. Here.” She handed over the cash and took the book in her hands, turning it over and pressing her fingertips over the image of Valentina on the back of the book. 

“Your ticket, ma’am.” Juliana took the ticket and placed it carefully in the inside cover of the book and placed it gently into her bag. 

“Thank you.” She said as she exited the bookstore. 

Juliana’s leisurely walk through Brooklyn soon turned into a chore as she rushed through the streets to her apartment. The book burned in her bag as she made a beeline home, eager to shut herself off from the world to read Valentina’s words. 

Juliana arrived home to Lucy watching TV on the sofa. 

“Juli! Are we cooking together tonight?” Lucy sat up as she heard Juliana enter the apartment. 

“Not tonight, Lucy. Sorry.” Juliana didn’t even look at her housemate, her mind on one thing only. She closed her bedroom door more forcibly than she meant as she unzipped her bag and retrieved the book. She dropped her bag on the floor where she stood and slid her jacket off her shoulders, throwing it across the room. She landed heavily on her bed as she caught her breath. 

Now she was alone, Juliana slowly opened the front cover of the book. There was a blank page, aside from two small words printed in the center. 

_“For Juliana.”_

She shut her eyes and brushed away one silent tear. Her heart ached in her chest as she looked at the text. 

“Get a grip, Juliana. It means nothing.” She said aloud to herself. 

She delicately lifted the next page and quickly became immersed in the world Valentina had created with her words. She was transported to a world that Juliana quickly realized sounded eerily familiar. It was about two young people, a boy and a girl, who fell in love over many summers, their love blossoming naturally. There were many twists and turns in the story, Juliana unable to look up from the book, unaware of the passing of time. Juliana’s eyes could not help but weep as she read about the boy dying at the hands of his father, sending the girl into a spiraling depression and alcohol dependence, who eventually had to learn to live without her soul mate by her side. The story did not have a happy ending, it was a tragic turn of events, and Juliana couldn’t help but feel truly connected to the characters Valentina had created. She was genuinely stunned at Valentina’s ability with words, able to create vivid characters and landscapes, at times feeling like you could reach out and touch them. 

As Juliana closed the back cover of the book, she noticed the city had grown quiet and dark, her lamp the only light in her small room. She checked her phone and noticed it was 2am. She rubbed her red and raw eyes, tiredness seeping through her bones. Juliana got up off her creaky bed, brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas, all the while thinking about the girl of her dreams. 

Valentina’s book had created many questions in her mind. She lay awake in bed as she thought about seeing Valentina tomorrow night. Her heart rate picked up as she thought about what she was going to do. She didn’t think she could face her after everything that had happened. She wouldn’t know what to say or do, and would only disappoint Valentina, the thought alone reigniting that crushing feeling in her chest. Valentina had probably moved on, anyway, and Juliana didn’t want to re-hash old wounds. 

She thought about what Valentina’s story was about, and whether it had anything to do with her. She was confused about why Valentina would place those two words at the beginning of her book. She couldn’t stop wondering if Valentina ever thought about her. 

She dreamt of blue eyes crying that night.

Juliana had worked on autopilot at Perlita’s café that morning. She worked as tirelessly as ever, but she was emotionless as she communicated with customers, her mind elsewhere. 

At 3pm, Juliana walked out of Perlita’s café with her head down, eager to get home and wrap her head around what she was going to do tonight. 

She paced her bedroom, tossing her clothes around the small room, unsure on what she should wear. She finally decided on an outfit mainly consisting of simple black garments, trying her best to blend in with the crowd, not wanting to stand out. She shoved a beanie down low over her head, picked up her small backpack with Valentina’s book in it, and left the apartment, undetected by Lucy. 

Her heart raced, her mind was scattered, her hands fidgeted, her knees felt weak and her jaw clenched as she made her way back to the bookstore. She had arrived early, wandering around aimlessly in the local area as she waiting for time to pass. At 7pm, most of the ticket holders had already entered the venue, so Juliana stood at the store window on her own, peering into the dimly lit bookshop. She heard an applause break out and then she saw her. 

Valentina entered the room from the back, and Juliana choked on her own breathing. She was wearing slim black pants, a white shirt underneath a well-cut grey suit jacket. Her long brown hair fell down over her shoulders, darker than what Juliana could remember. Valentina smiled as she was greeted by a small crowd of people, all cheering and applauding as she waved and shook hands. Soon, the crowd calmed down and regular conversation began as people drank their wine and talked about their favorite part of the book.

Juliana watched in awe as Valentina flittered about the room, blushing when receiving a complement from a fan, graciously hugging and taking selfies with her admirers. Juliana could not take her eyes away from the woman who commandeered the room, seemingly unaware of the effect she had on the people around her. She wanted to reach out to her, for Valentina’s eyes to find hers, to tell her everything that had happened, to reassure her that her feelings had never wavered. But Juliana was unable to move, frozen to the spot as her heart longed for the woman she had never forgotten, for the woman she risked her life for. 

A hand suddenly tapped her on the shoulder. Juliana automatically jumped and moved away, her eyes narrowing and her heart rate increasing. A woman of about 30 stood in front of her with 3 friends, her hands up in front of her as if to surrender. 

“Sorry if I scared you. I was just wondering if you were in line?” She motioned to the door of the bookstore. 

Juliana looked from the door back to the woman. 

“No. You go ahead. I’m behind you.” She could hear the uncertainty in her voice. 

The stranger nodded her head with a smile. “Thanks.”

Juliana didn’t know what propelled her forward, but she followed the small group to the entrance of the shop, handing her ticket over to the woman standing at the door. She stayed as close as possible to the group of strangers, trying to stay inconspicuous. She held her bag close to her body as she shuffled to the back, taking a seat at in the back row of chairs that she assumed were set out specifically for this event. 

People were beginning to find their seat, preparing for the book reading Valentina was about to start. She kept her beanie on her head but shrugged off her jacket, holding it in her lap. She couldn’t help but tap her foot on the floor, nervousness rising in her chest. Her eyes flicked around the room, trying to find Valentina, but she couldn’t see her. Juliana dropped her head and prayed she would get out of this unscathed. 

“Good evening.” A sweet voice trilled across the room through a microphone. 

Juliana’s head snapped up as she heard Valentina speak for the first time in over four years. 

“Thank you all so much for coming tonight. I appreciate you taking the time to support me and I have loved hearing how this story has connected with you in all different kinds of ways. This book is very special to me, it comes form a very personal place, and so I am grateful for all of your feedback.”

Valentina smiled into the crowd, but Juliana thought her eyes lacked a certain clarity to them. Her hand clenched into a fist as she resisted the urge to reach out to the girl, to call out to her.

“I’m going to read my favorite chapter of the book, where Antony teaches Maria how to dance. It is such a sweet moment between the characters and I very much enjoyed writing this aspect of the story.”

At that, Valentina opened her own book, cleared her throat and began speaking, relaying her story to the crowd before her. 

As she spoke, the mass of people were enraptured, all eyes and ears glued to the beautiful woman before them. Juliana closed her eyes as Valentina’s voice washed over her, remembering their own moment similar to the one she was listening to. Juliana’s hands slowly lost their tension as she remembered, the combination of the memory and the calmness of Valentina’s voice bringing hear heart rate back to it’s normal rhythm. 

She couldn’t believe she was here, in Brooklyn, listening to Valentina read a chapter of her own published book amid a crowd of admirers. She was so proud of her. She only wished she could tell her that. 

The room grew quiet as the chapter finished, and Juliana opened her eyes. Valentina sat back from the microphone with a small smile on her face as she closed her book. A rowdy applause broke out from the throng of people, Juliana joining in enthusiastically. 

The woman who sold Juliana her ticket took the microphone and waited for the noise to die down before speaking. 

“Miss Carvajal will be taking questions now. If you have something you’d like to ask, just raise your hand.”

Juliana noticed Valentina seemed to squirm a little in her seat, the light shining brightly down on her. Valentina re-took the microphone and pointed to a man in the second row who had his hand up. 

“Where did you get the inspiration for such a hauntingly beautiful story?” He called out. 

Valentina chuckled nervously into the microphone. 

“Well, as I said earlier, it’s a very personal story for me. I was in love once, and unfortunately it ended. It was taken away from me. I used that grief and hurt and anger to fuel this story.” 

Juliana felt her whole body tense at the words. Surely she couldn’t be talking about her, about them. Her nervous foot tapping began again, much to the dismay of the people sitting around her. 

“Were you ever able to get over that, to move on?” The same man asked without permission. 

Juliana felt her heart in her throat. She saw Valentina’s features crumble slightly, watched her body close in on itself discreetly. If you didn’t know her, you might not notice it. 

She cleared her throat, seemingly trying to get a hold of herself. “Can we have a different question, please?” Valentina then pointed to a woman and continued on.

Valentina answered questions from the crowd for another 20 minutes, answering openly and honestly about her thoughts and feelings around a variety of topics. Juliana listened intently as Valentina spoke eloquently and passionately. She smiled when Valentina smiled, and her heart beat a little stronger when Valentina laughed.

As the evening ended and people started filing out of the door, Juliana didn’t know what to do. A myriad of options ran through her mind, but her ability to process the consequences for each one was ruined by her anxiety. She knew she needed to leave, and resolved that she probably should never have come here in the first place. It was going to take an unspecified amount of time for Juliana to process everything that had happened over the past two days, unsure if all the progress she had made over the past two years was about to come tumbling down. 

The room was growing quieter and Juliana knew she had to get out of there before she was noticed. She couldn’t come back into Valentina’s life now. She wouldn’t know what to do or say, fear and rejection bubbling away under the surface. 

She stood and put her jacket back on, placing her copy of Valentina’s book in her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. Juliana straightened up and took one last glance around the room. 

Her eyes locked on bright blue. 

Valentina was standing on the stage at the front of the room, staring right at her. Juliana’s mouth went instantly dry, her heart felt like it might thump out of her chest, her hands becoming clammy once more. Valentina’s eyes bore into her, her mouth agape. Juliana stood frozen on the spot as they stared at each other, time stretching between them, unnoticed. 

Valentina shifted, taking a step forward.

“Juliana?” She called, her voice low and soft, unsure. 

She stepped forward again, recognition bright in her eyes. 

“Juliana.” This time she choked the word out. 

Juliana panicked. She did what she had become so great at. She turned and ran. She ran out of the bookstore and down the street, ignoring the calls of her name behind her in the night. She ran until her lungs could not keep up, adrenaline coursing through her veins, her legs wobbling, sobs escaping from her lips. She stumbled her way down the city streets, somehow making her way home, the color blue reignited in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was worried I wouldn't get time to write this, but I found a free afternoon and managed to get up to where I was happy. Please let me know what you think! This writing thing is hard, there are so many options and I have to try and pick the right one!  
It is probably blatantly obvious to you that I haven't done much writing before, so any feedback is welcome :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina's POV. Valentina searches for Juliana.

Valentina pushed the heavy door to the bookshop open an hour after racing out. There was no doubt in her mind that Juliana had been here tonight. She hadn’t seen her in four years, but she could never forget those brown eyes. 

She had been talking to Renata at the conclusion of her book-reading event in Brooklyn. Renata was her agent, working for Group Carvajal’s publishing department, a branch her father invested in when Valentina told him she had completed her novel. They were discussing how the evening had been a success when Valentina was somehow drawn to a lone figure in the back of the store. She watched with interest as the woman slowly pulled her jacket over her shoulders, a familiarity in the movements. Valentina was focused solely on the woman carefully handling her copy of the book, her fingers lingering over the cover before placing it gently into her bag. Her eyes narrowed and she stepped forward, a pulling sensation urging her to move towards the stranger. The figure slung their bag over their shoulder and then straightened, brown eyes locking on hers. Valentina’s breath caught in her throat as she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. The brown eyes looked fearful and lost, not how she remembered Juliana, but still very familiar. 

“Juliana?” She called out, unsure. 

Valentina did not notice the few patrons looking at her quizzically at her strangled voice calling out across the room. 

She stepped forward again as recognition finally registered in her brain. It was her, the woman she had been unable to stop thinking about, the woman who had captured her heart and then disappeared. It was Juliana. Her heart was in her throat as she struggled to understand the scene before her. 

“Juliana.” She almost breathed the word, in total shock. 

She watched as panic flashed across Juliana’s features. She watched on hopelessly as Juliana’s eyes softened for a brief moment, before scrunching them shut in pain. She turned quickly and scampered out of the store. Valentina was frozen for a moment as her brain finally told her legs to move, rushing forwards, pushing people of the way without consideration, following Juliana out on to the street. Valentina ran as fast as she could in the direction she thought Juliana had gone, calling out her name with desperation. She ran and ran for was long as her legs would allow her. Eventually, her voice grew coarse and her legs and lungs ached. She didn’t want to stop because she knew what would happen when she did. But she could not continue on. It had already been a long day and she was exhausted. 

Valentina slowed to a stop and took in huge gulps of air and placed her hands on her waist. She allowed the hot tears to stream down her face, her expression scrunching up into one of hurt and distress as deep sobs overtook her body. She stepped into the gutter of the ordinary street and fell into a heap, pulling her knees up to her chest and placing her head between her legs, rocking herself back and forth as she attempted to calm herself down. Valentina did not care for the passers by, ignoring their sniggers and pointing, consumed by the idea of almost having Juliana in her grasp once more. 

She was completely unable to process what had just happened. 

Juliana consumed her mind and soul since she was a teenager, when she first began falling in love with her during their lazy summers together in Arrizo. The dark haired girl had captured her heart with her laugh, her smiles, her talents and abilities, her compassion, her consideration, her modesty, her thoughtfulness. Valentina was absolutely and completely in love with Juliana, and at 18 years of age, finally confessed to Juliana how she felt. The feelings had been reciprocated with great relief to Valentina, and they had been intimate with one another for the first time. Juliana left that evening with a cheeky grin on her face a promise to call her after she had spoken to her mother. The call never came. 

_There was a loud knocking on the door, incessant and urgent._

_Valentina looked up, frowning at the obnoxious sound. It continued to reverberate around the apartment as the person on the other side of the door hit the timber with insistence, unrelenting. She glanced down to her phone again to check, but no notifications from Juliana had come through since she last checked a minute ago. She got up and reached the door, looking through the peephole. Her eyes widened and she flung the door open immediately. Lupita stood in front of her in a complete state. Her dark hair was wild, sticking up in all different directions. There was dried blood caked in areas all over her face, chest and arms. A black eye was forming and her shirt was torn at the shoulder. She was shaking and her face was tear stained and puffy. _

_“Lupita, are you okay?” Valentina asked as she grasped Lupita by the elbow and gently tugged her inside the hotel suite. She lead her over to the sofa as her mind tried to process what was happening. When she failed get a response from Lupita, she asked the question she had originally wanted to ask from the moment she saw her._

_“Where’s Juliana?” Valentina’s voice sounded much stronger than she felt. Her whole world felt like it was about to fall apart. She had no idea why Juliana’s mother was here and Juliana was not. She thought that if her conversation went so poorly with her mother, that Juliana would be here, not Lupita. And why was Lupita bleeding? What was going on?_

_Lupita shut her eyes tightly and held her arms around her body, hugging herself, as she fell onto the sofa. _

_“Lupita. Where is Juliana?” Valentina asked more forcefully. _

_She could not comprehend the broken and injured Lupita trembling in front of her, and could not dismiss her concerns about Juliana. She knew Lupita needed medical help, but she needed to know that Juliana was okay first. _

_She placed her hands firmly on Lupita’s shoulders, forcing the woman to look at her. _

_“Lupita. Tell me what happened to Juliana.” She could feel herself bracing for the worst. Her throat was dry and her hands shook._

_Lupita looked at her with pity and regret. “I’m sorry, Valentina. She’s gone.” She croaked, fresh tears spilling over her cheeks. _

_“What do you mean, Lupita? Where is she?” Valentina was seriously worried now, her heart thumping in her chest. _

_“Chino came from nowhere. He had been watching her. Watching the both of you. He was angry with your relationship.” Lupita unfolded herself and pulled Valentina down onto the sofa next to her. “He threatened her. I’m sorry, Valentina. She left with him. They’re gone.”_

_Valentina shook her head as she felt her own eyes well up with tears, her stomach dropping and her heart aching in her chest. _

_“What do you mean he threatened her? Did he do this to you?” Valentina couldn’t recognize her own voice. _

_Lupita sniffed and wiped her nose with her hand. “You won’t like to hear it.”_

_“Tell me.” Valentina growled._

_Lupita shook her head and sobbed again, her head dropping loosely on her shoulders. _

_“Lupita. Tell me exactly what happened. I need to know.” Valentina was speaking through clenched teeth now, frustration and despair overtaking her._

_Lupita took a shaky breath to steady herself before she spoke. “I don’t know how much Juliana has told you about her father. But he is a violent man.” She explained, vaguely waving at her own injuries as if to highlight the truth in her words. “He said if she didn’t go with him, that he’d hurt us.”_

_Valentina took in a deep breath and squeezed Lupita’s hand. “Hurt who?”_

_Lupita’s dark eyes were full of dispair as she took in the young girl in front of her. “Us. You and me.”_

_Valentina wiped away the few tears that had escaped her eyes, clearing her throat in an attempt to get rid of the painful lump that had formed there. _

_“She loves you.” Lupita whispered._

_Valentina couldn’t help the sob that escaped her at the soft words. _

_“She told you?” Valentina asked through blurry eyes. _

_“I knew it before she told me, my girl. She was steadfast in resisting Chino until he mentioned you. She could never live with herself if anything happened to you. She was devastated, knowing she had to leave you behind. She loves you. Please don’t hate her.” _

_“Lupita, we can’t let her go with him. Are you insane? Look what he did to you! We have to find her. She has to come back, she can’t go.” Valentina was becoming hysterical, unable to process her emotions over this revelation, standing and pacing the room. She picked up her phone and dialed Juliana’s number. _

_“Honey, we won’t find them. He won’t let us. She’s gone.”_

_Valentina slammed her eyes shut as the phone rang and rang. Her world started spinning out of control, her breaths became fast and shallow, and she fell into darkness. _

Once she gathered herself up out of the gutter, Valentina began walking back to the bookstore, wiping away the stray tears that fall without permission. She was spiraling and she knew it, and she didn’t think she has the strength to fight it. Not this time. 

She walked back into the bookstore with a purpose, unable to make eye contact with Renata or Michelle, the store owner. 

“God, Valentina. Where’d you go?” Renata scalded Valentina when she walked past her. 

Valentina picked up her bag and turned, walking straight back out of the store. She heard Renata scuffle behind her, attempting to apologize. Valentina stood out of sight and waited for Renata to follow her. After a minute, Renata pushed out from the door and her eyes scanned the street frantically. Valentina stepped forward out of the darkness. 

“There’s some place we need to go.” Valentina husked. 

Renata just raised an eyebrow and followed her down the street. 

“Valentina, where did you go? What happened?” She struggled to keep up with Valentina’s long, steady strides. 

“I’ll tell you when we get there.”

Valentina continued to walk with determination, appreciative of Renata’s understanding of her need for silence. 

She didn’t know exactly where she was going, but she knew what she needed and where she could find it. Once the beat of music filled her ears, she made a beeline for the door of the club. It was a Thursday night, so it was busy but not too overcrowded, only having to wait a minute to reach the front of the line and enter the club. Renata didn’t ask questions, she just followed Valentina’s lead blindly. 

Valentina reached the bar and ordered two shots of tequila. The liquid burned her throat and spread a familiar warmth through her body. She knew she’d pay for this later, but for now, she didn’t care about the consequences. She needed to lose herself, to lose control of her thoughts, just for one night. She turned back to the barman and ordered a bottle of his finest tequila, grasping the bottle by the neck and leading Renata to a booth at the back of the club. 

She sat down and poured them both another shot, relishing in the fuzzy affect the alcohol had over her body. 

“Valentina. What are we doing here?” Renata’s voice sounded concerned. 

If she was honest, Valentina had almost forgotten about Renata’s presence. She turned her head and made eye contact with her for the first time since she ran out of the event earlier that evening. 

She contemplated the woman in front of her, watching Renata’s confused and worried eyes darting over her features, her brow creased in consternation. She reached out and touched Valentina’s hand in encouragement.

“How much has Guille told you about my past?” Valentina asked steadily. 

Renata and Guille had been dating for a little over three months, with Renata working closely with Valentina for about six months. Valentina was unsure how much personal information her brother had divulged to his new girlfriend. She didn’t mind her knowing, understanding couples shared information like this, but needed to know exactly what she knew before she went any further. 

Renata straightened up in the seat and shuffled closer to Valentina, attempting to be heard over the constant deep bass coming from the speakers on the other side of the room. 

“Just that you went through a hard time, but that you’re doing better.” She leaned in and spoke clearly in Valentina’s ear. 

“Did he tell you what caused it?” Valentina spoke as she looked out over the throng of people dancing, swallowing another shot, welcoming the slight blurring effect to the edges of her mind. 

“Someone left.” Renata said softly, almost like a question. Valentina could tell Renata was trying not to upset her.

Valentina looked at her then, giving her a weak smile. 

“Her name was Juliana. I was in love with her. I still am, if I’m honest.” Valentina watched as Renata processed the information. “I was 18 when she was taken away from me, basically kidnapped by her father. He was a bad man, a violent man. I did everything I could to find her, hiring private detectives to hunt them down, advising the police that she was a missing person. Whatever I could think of to do, I did.” Valentina took another long swig from her shot glass, refilling it before continuing. “But nothing came up. It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth. I fell into a depression, relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism. It wasn’t very helpful.” She raised her shot glass sarcastically before downing another shot. “Eventually Guille and Papa got me the help I needed and I started to put myself together again.”

Renata squeezed her hand gently as Valentina reached for the bottle. Valentina could feel the affects of the alcohol on her body. She knew she should stop, but she was still reeling from her encounter earlier. She took a deep breath and threw back another shot, the alcohol dulling the pain in her chest. 

“I haven’t seen her in four years.” She paused, looking back out at the crowd. “She was there tonight, at the reading.” 

“Oh my God, Vale.”

Valentina nodded her head slowly.

“You haven’t heard from her in four years? How did you know she was here, in Brooklyn?” Renata’s words were becoming less coherent in Valentina’s mind, the alcohol doing its job. She sipped at her glass again as if it were water. 

“I didn’t know she was here. It was a total shock. And now I don’t know how to find her. She’s here but I don’t know where.” Another stray tear rolled down her cheek, but she was too far gone now to care. She let the alcohol burn down her throat, closing her eyes to find a warm brown gazing at her, her mouth down turning at the image. She dropped her head onto the table, taking in deep breaths. 

“How do I find her, Renata? I need her. I want her back. Why doesn’t she want me, too? What do I do now?” Her resolve broke as the devastation of Juliana running away from her floods her mind, an abundance of hot tears finally released from the dam Valentina was trying to hold back in front of Renata. She was slurring her words now, losing control of her body and mind. She lifted her head, breathing shakily through the tears, and grabbed the bottle of clear liquid, bringing it to her lips and taking a full swig. She vaguely felt a hand pull the bottle away and heard Renata’s concerned voice distantly through the haze of noises surrounding her, then everything went black. 

*************************

Valentina woke up with a cracking headache. She groaned as she rolled over and planted her head face down in the pillow, the light too harsh for her eyes. Memories of the previous night came back to the forefront of her mind. She kept her eyes closed as she remembered seeing Juliana again. She sighed deeply.

Juliana. The woman she dreamed about. The person she would do anything for. The girl she was in love with.

It took some time, a lot of therapy, and some serious hitting of rock bottom, but Valentina had come to terms with the loss of Juliana. She honestly had tried to forget about her, the memories being almost too painful to bear. But thoughts of the dark haired girl would not leave her alone, embedded in her mind, her skin, her bones. She couldn’t escape her when awake or asleep, her thoughts and dreams crowded with visions of the beautiful girl she yearned for. Valentina felt Juliana everywhere, so she tried to live with the pain and the guilt. Her life lost its color when Juliana left, and she wasn’t sure she would ever see the world the same again. But she got on with life, moving through the motions, her soul aching for it’s lost counterpart. 

Slowly, she opened her eyes and noticed she was not in her own apartment. She recognized instantly from the stark whites and expensive artworks that the room belonged to the penthouse suite at The Carvajal in downtown Manhattan. It took her a moment to remember Guille had arrived three days ago and was staying at The Carvajal during his visit. She had no recollection of getting here, and groaned louder again when she forced herself into a sitting position. There was a glass of water and two tablets sitting on the bedside table. She internally thanked whoever it was who put it there, swallowing the two tablets and the whole glass of water in a couple of long gulps. 

With much effort, she swung her legs out from under the covers and her two feet hit the ground. She noticed her clothes from the previous night folded on the chair opposite the bed. She looked down to find herself in a white embroidered pajama set, provided in all of her fathers hotel penthouse suites. The thought of Guille undressing and dressing her made her cringe, and she hoped Renata had the sense to do it herself. 

She stood up slowly, steadying herself on her feet before she opened the bedroom door and walked sluggishly to the kitchen. Guille was sat at the island bench with his back to her, reading over the newspaper. Valentina took in a deep breath before she continued, bracing herself for the scalding she knew was coming. 

Guille looked up as he heard her footsteps approach him from behind. He said nothing, his eyes watching her intently as Valentina moved to the fridge and pulled out another bottle of water. She avoided his eye contact as she took another long gulp of cold water, wiping away the residue around her mouth before placing the bottle on the bench in front of her. Finally, she looked up and locked eyes with her brother. Instead of finding disappointment she saw concern, and her façade slipped instantly. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered before he could speak. 

She knew she fucked up. She had been sober for almost a year now. She had broken it in a moment of weakness, but she knew that was no excuse, that it wasn’t going to cut it. Guille had been her biggest supporter in her darkest days, and he was the last person she wanted to let down. 

“Vale. Are you okay?” His voice was low. 

She clenched her jaw and looked up at the ceiling so the welling tears didn’t spill over, refusing to cry after just one simple question. The tenderness in his voice almost sent her over the edge so she took in a deep breath and looked back down at him. 

“It was a moment of weakness, a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

Guille shook his head. “You know you’ll have to call your sponsor, right?”

Valentina bit her lower lip, gnawing at it. “Yep. I know.”

As the silence stretched between them, Valentina could tell Guille was waiting for her to speak. 

“How did I get here?” 

Guille raised his eyebrows. “I knew you wouldn’t remember. Renata called me. She was very concerned, Vale. You were falling in and out of consciousness, mumbling and slurring your words. She told me where you were, so I found the ridiculous club you were at and brought you both back here.”

Valentina rubbed her temples as she tried to recall this version of events. She was coming up with nothing. 

“Thank you.” She offered him a sympathetic shrug of the shoulders. “Where is she?” Valentina scrunched her nose up as she asked the question. She was going to have serious groveling and explaining to do when she saw her next. 

“She called it damage control. She’s been gone for hours.” 

It was then that Valentina saw the time, ticking at her from the oversized clock on the wall. It was 2pm already. She shook her head, disappointment in herself curling its way into her stomach, the familiar uncomfortable knot that had lived there for the last four years once again prominent. 

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry.” She repeated the words again, lost at what else she could offer. 

“What happened, Vale?” Guille spoke gently.

Valentina ran her hand up through her hair. “What did Renata tell you?”

“That you saw Juliana last night.”

Her body ached when she heard Juliana’s name aloud. She closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips into the sides of her nose. She made her way to the stool next to Guille and sat down, facing him. 

“She was at the book reading. She ran off when I recognized her.” 

Guille gave her a thin-lipped smile. “I’m sorry, Vale.” He reached up and gently wiped a tear away from her cheek. 

“I’m going to find her.” She stated with a confidence she didn’t realize she had. 

The comment was out there, and the realization of what this all meant crowded her brain. How had she not thought of this before now? Juliana was here, in New York. Even though it was a place Valentina never would have thought she’d find Juliana, it certainly narrowed the search down. She would stay here, in New York, until she found her. The thought of seeing Juliana again filled her body with hope. She was apprehensive about coming face to face with her again, the guilt and uncertainty about Juliana’s feelings for her still overwhelming, but she would deal with that later. Right now, her mission was to find her. She couldn’t think of anything else that was more important. 

“Vale. New York is huge. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” 

“I’ll find her. I’m not going anywhere until I do.” She said with a small smile, feeling somewhat optimistic. 

*****************************

Valentina spent two days after the book signing walking the streets of Brooklyn, searching for Juliana. She walked into all kinds of different stores, her eyes always searching and hoping to find the dark haired woman. On the third day, Valentina came home in the afternoon exhausted from her search, her hope slowly dwindling with each day that passed by. 

She had done as Guille had asked and phoned her sponsor the day after her relapse, and she felt confident she didn’t need to reach for the bottle, using the strategies she had learned over the past year to stay away from the clear liquid and manage her mounting emotions in other ways. She had stayed at The Carvajal with Guille since that night at his insistence, so he could keep an eye on her. She had put up a very weak fight, not wanting to let on how pleased she was to have the company of her older brother rather than go home to an empty apartment. 

As she walked the streets, Valentina still had one niggling question at the back of her mind since seeing Juliana. She entered the suite of the hotel and knocked on Guille’s bedroom door. After hearing his voice grant her permission to entre, she opened the door and joined him on the bed. He put down his book and looked up at her through his glasses. 

“How’d it go today?” 

Valentina sighed dramatically. “No sign of her yet. But I’m not giving up.” 

Guille offered her a small smile and sat up straighter. “You have that look on your face. What are you thinking about?”

“What look?” Valentina asked, defensive.

Guille chuckled. “Don’t get offended. You get this look when you are worried or when something is troubling you. Your eyes are more distant and your frown is more obvious.” 

Valentina couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him. “I want to as your advice about something.”

“Go ahead.” Guille was soft and encouraging. Valentina always felt comfortable confiding in Guille, her relationship with her brother stronger than ever.

Valentina clicked her tongue. “I’m conflicted about whether I should phone Juliana’s mama and let her know what happened. I don’t know what it’s going to achieve and considering the last phone call I had with Lupe, I don’t think Juliana would appreciate me telling her where she is.”

Guille considered her seriously while he processed this. 

“What was the last phone call you had with Lupita?” 

Valentina blushed slightly at the question. “I’m a little embarrassed about it, really. I was… under the influence when she called. She was hysterical, crying at me that Juliana had phoned her. She told me Juliana was fine, that her father had died, that she refused to tell her where she was, but that she was doing okay on her own. Juliana told her mother that she couldn’t come home, but wouldn’t explain why. I got angry at Lupe for not pushing more, for not finding out where she was, for not getting her phone number. I hung up on her. I was too ashamed to ever call her back and apologize.”

Guille took his glasses off and placed them on his bedside table. 

“Vale, she’s her mother. I think you need to swallow your pride and make that call.”

Valentina nodded her head slowly. “I thought you were going to say that.” 

Valentina took a moment to look around the room. “Geez, you’ve really made yourself at home. Look at this mess!” She scanned the clothes and miscellaneous items around the room. Her eyes landed on a framed drawing that was sitting on top of a suitcase, leaning up against the wall. Valentina tilted her head as she examined the drawing with interest. It was a beautiful hand drawn image of bright blue eyes. 

“Where did you get that?” She asked Guille as she pointed at the frame. 

He stood from the bed and picked it up, examining it. 

“I bought it from a gallery in Brooklyn after I arrived. It caught my eye immediately.” He looked up at Valentina. “These eyes remind me of you, actually, from before.”

Valentina’s eyes narrowed as she took in her brothers comment. Guille had mentioned before that her eyes lost its spark, lost its brightness, after Juliana left. 

She stood up and gently took the frame from his hands, turning it and looking closely for the first time. She could see what he meant. The eyes looked to be a similar shape and color to her own, the eyebrows lifting up in the places hers also lifted, the structure akin to her own.

“Who is the artist?” Valentina asked. 

“The gallery only sells art by locals. There was no name.”

She squinted as she found a small imprint of initials at the bottom of the drawing. 

**JV**

She gasped audibly when she took in those two letters. Her mouth went dry at the realization.

“Where is this gallery, Guille?”

“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned, picking up on the nervous tension Valentina was giving off. 

“Guille, please tell me where you got this from.” She looked up at him and handed back the frame.

Guille placed the frame gently down on the bed and walked to the bedside table, picking up a business card. He handed it over to her carefully. 

She leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before turning and racing out the door without another word.

While waiting for the elevator to arrive on her floor, Valentina shifted on her feet as she ordered an Uber to the address on the business card Guille had given her. She only waited a minute outside of the hotel before her Uber pulled up and she basically jumped inside. She clumsily fumbled with the seatbelt as the driver peeled away from the curb, on its way to her destination. 

A thousand thoughts ran through her mind when she got settled. She could be wrong, but her instinct, her gut feeling was telling her this was it. This sort of stuff doesn’t happen in real life. This had to be some kind of a sign. Out of the whole world, Valentina managed to find Juliana in New York City. Juliana appears at her book signing. Guille unknowingly buys a drawing because it reminded him of her eyes. The irony being that Valentina believes they are her eyes, drawn by Juliana. She felt like this couldn’t be a simple coincidence. This was the universe pulling its strings and she was meant to find Juliana again. Sweat began to form on her forehead as the Uber pulled up to the gallery, the street becoming dark as the sun began to set behind the tall buildings. The thought of the gallery not being open hadn’t crossed her mind, but she unbuckled her seatbelt, thanked the driver and stepped out onto the street. 

She noted the small ‘open’ sign as she approached the store and pulled open the large glass door. Valentina stepped inside and her eyes were immediately drawn to the wall of frames covering one side of the gallery. She moved closer to the images, scanning the drawings while looking for something familiar. Her eyes widened as she spotted a simple lead drawing of two hands, elegantly resting on top of the other. The detail in the drawing was breathtaking and the unmistakable JV was scribbled in the bottom corner of the image. 

“Can I help you, madam?” The sharp voice snapped Valentina out of her own head as she spun around to see a balding man standing in front of her. 

She cleared her throat as he looked at her expectantly, a polite smile on his face. 

“Uh, yes. Please. I am looking for the artist of these drawings.” She turned back to the wall and pointed at the drawing she was just admiring. 

“Ah, yes.” He commented, moving beside her. “Juliana is one of my best sellers. They are simple, but beautifully drawn. The attention to detail is amazing.”

“Juliana Valdez?” Valentina asked, trying not to sound too forced. 

The man turned and faced Valentina. “Yes! Do you know her?” 

Valentina continued to attempt to act casual. 

“Yes, I do. I knew her a long time ago but I seem to have lost contact with her. I was hoping you might be able to provide me with her contact details? I’d love to get back in touch with her.” Valentina gave the most genuine smile she could muster to the strange man. 

Valentina did not miss the flitter of his eyes to her breasts, her body tensing under his gaze. She did her best to keep her hands by her side, the urge to reach over and slap him difficult to keep under control. She knew if she was going to get what she wanted out of this man, she would have to compose herself. Normally she would not stand for what was happening right now, the feeling of bile rising from her stomach indicating how disgusted she felt at what she was doing. But this scenario was an exception. She would do what was required to get the information she wanted. 

“I’m not supposed to give out the artists private information.” The man’s voice did not sound convincing, and Valentina thought he could be easily persuaded otherwise. 

She leaned forward close to his face and flashed him her best smile, before whispering “I would really appreciate your help, sir. Please?” 

The smell of sweat and cigarettes burned her nostrils, but she didn’t let her face show her revulsion at the man. She continued smiling sweetly as his eyes once again swept over her body. She let his eyes roam freely, attempting to keep her trembling under control. 

Finally, he moved away and walked over to the large timber desk, rifling through a draw. He pulled out a small notepad and paper, and began flicking through his phone. He lifted his chin at her and gave her a smile when he found what he was looking for, reaching for a pen and scribbling on the notepad. When he was finished, he ripped the paper off the pad and locked his phone, placing it back in his pocked. He walked back over to Valentina, his eyes continuing to ogle her.

“You didn’t get it from me.” He winked at Valentina as he handed over the paper. 

“Thank you.” She said sweetly, taking the paper and turning on her heel, heading for the door. She pulled it open, vaguely aware of the man calling out after her. She ignored him and continued out onto the street, pulling out her phone and tapping the address on the paper into Google Maps. It was only a ten-minute walk from here. 

She stopped where she was, in the middle of the sidewalk, and looked up. It was now getting quite dark, with early evening quickly turning into night. She took in a deep breath and steadied herself. She was a ten-minute walk away from seeing Juliana. Her heart pumped faster, her legs felt weak and her mind was jumbled, unable to think about what she might say to Juliana when she saw her. She was so close to getting what she had hoped and dreamed about for four years. This was an opportunity she couldn’t let pass. 

Her feet shuffled forward and she looked back down to her phone, following the blue line on the map to an average looking apartment building. Valentina’s hands shook as she locked her phone and slid it into her back pocket. She reached forward and pushed the apartment door open, her breathing spiking as she entered the building. Her feet moved her forward automatically, slowly climbing the steps to the third floor. She stood blankly outside of a door with the number 8 hanging from it, her hands clammy and her mind in disarray. Her previous excitement and determination completely faded, making way for doubt and nervousness. She had no idea what she doing here, but the thought of Juliana on the other side of this door urged her forward. 

Her body worked on autopilot as she raised her hand into a fist and knocked firmly on the brown door. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and feel the tremble in her hands as she heard someone on the other side. The lock clicked and the door opened. 

A blonde girl stood on the other side, a polite smile on her face. “Hi. Can I help you?” 

Valentina just stared at the girl, the words lost in her throat. 

The girl’s smile slowly turned into a look of panic, as she began closing the door. 

Valentina reached out, placing her palm on the door to stop it from closing. She shut her eyes, trying clear her mind. 

“Sorry. Is Juliana home?” Her voice was shaky. 

The blonde girl raised her eyebrows. “You know Juliana?” 

“Yes.” Valentina replied simply. 

“Oh. Sorry. It’s just, Juliana doesn’t seem to know a lot of people around here.” The blonde clarified, shrugging her shoulders. She held out her hand. “I’m Lucy, Juliana’s house mate.”

Valentina took the girls outstretched hand. “Valentina.” 

Valentina noticed the immediate change in expression on Lucy’s face. Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped open. 

“Sorry. You said Valentina?” 

Valentina shifted her eyes and fiddled nervously with her hands, unsure what the girl knew about her. “That’s right.”

The girl continued to stare at her, their roles seemingly reversed. Valentina shifted her weight on her feet. “So, is Juliana home?” She asked again. 

Lucy shook her head slightly, her eyes still locked on Valentina. “I’m sorry, she’s at work at the moment. But you should come in. I can call her for you.” 

Lucy widened the door and Valentina stepped inside. Lucy indicated for Valentina to sit on the sofa as she asked if Valentina wanted a drink. She declined, and Lucy excused herself to make a phone call. 

Valentina considered eaves dropping on the girls conversation, but decided instead to take in the space around her. It finally hit her that she was sitting in Juliana’s apartment, that Juliana lives here. There weren’t many signs of Juliana’s presence in the small living area. Valentina’s eyes spotted a sketchbook lying open on the coffee table. She cautiously picked it up, handling it as if it were a live bomb, and carefully flicked through the pages. 

Her mind swam and her heart skipped a beat as she found page after page of drawings of herself. Some were of her eyes and hands. Others were portraits of her face in different positions. In some, Valentina could see herself smiling, or looking off into the distance, or with her eyes closed in peaceful sleep. Juliana’s ability to capture Valentina’s likeness was uncanny, and Valentina couldn’t help the few tears that escaped her as she thought about how Juliana still managed to remember small details such as her freckles, or the small mole on her shoulder, or the way her smile crinkled her eyes, after four years apart. 

Lucy cleared her throat as she re-entered the room. Valentina looked up and shoved the sketchbook back on the coffee table, wiping at her face without care. 

“Juliana is on her way.” Lucy said quietly. 

She moved to sit down on the armchair next to the sofa Valentina was sitting on. Valentina resumed fidgeting with her hands, her leg bouncing continuously in an attempt to maintain the nervous energy surging through her body. 

“She told me what happened on Thursday night.” Lucy’s words punctuated the air.

Valentina looked up at Lucy and nodded her head, unable to form any words. 

“She’s very conflicted. She hasn’t quite been the same since.” 

Valentina wasn’t sure what Lucy was trying to say.

“I don’t know how much of our history you know. I don’t know what Juliana has told you. I just need to speak to her.” Valentina croaked. 

Lucy leaned back in her chair, regarding Valentina. “Juliana has told me enough. But I’ve seen her come a long way since she first arrived here two years ago. And I’ve seen her close back into her shell these past few days.” 

Valentina chewed at the inside of her cheek as she looked down at the floor. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, to show up unannounced at her home.

“She’s gone through a lot. And she’s tough. But I don’t know if she can get through losing you again.” Her voice was lower this time.

In that moment, Valentina looked up and gazed into sincere green eyes. A small smile grew on her lips. Valentina was grateful Juliana had found a friend in this girl, someone she could lean on and trust, who had her back and would support her. 

Valentina straightened and placed her hands on her knees. “She doesn’t have to worry about that.” 

The silence stretched out between them, as both girls regarded the other. 

In the distance, rushing steps gradually became louder as they made their way up the corridor. Lucy’s eyes flicked up to the door and she stood, looking down nervously at Valentina. Valentina took a deep breath and stood herself, her legs barely keeping her upright. 

Suddenly, the door burst open and Juliana fell into the room, her chest heaving, her brown eyes immediately finding Valentina’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I read everyone else's amazing fic's, I do enjoy seeing the story from both perspectives. So, I thought I should throw in a chapter from Valentina's side of things. I'm unsure now of the structure going forward, but I hope you enjoy the insight into Valentina's mind. And thank you to everyone who leaves lovely comments... it really does make it easier to write when I know people are actually out there reading it, haha!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion.

Juliana could feel her heart thumping and her chest heaving as she sucked in air. She had received the call from Lucy late in her dinner shift at Perlita’s café. She usually worked the morning and lunch shift, but she was looking for distractions with everything that had happened recently, so had taken on some extra dinner shifts as well. Juliana didn’t usually answer her phone while at work, but something had compelled her to answer the call from her housemate. When Lucy had hushed at her over the phone that Valentina was currently sitting on their sofa in the living room of their apartment, she had swiftly ended the call, gathered her things and yelled a hurried “I’m sorry, I have to go” over her shoulder to Perlita on her way out. 

A million thoughts ran through her mind as she sprinted through the dark streets of Brooklyn, swerving around people and jumping over any obstacle that came in her way. She pushed the door of the apartment building open with force and took the steps up to the third floor three at a time. Her feet continued to move forward with pace down the hallway to her door. Without stopping to catch her breath, she grabbed the handle while still moving, and thrust herself into the apartment. 

Finally, she stood still, legs burning, chest heaving, heart thumping, and took in the scene before her. She saw Lucy first, noting the look of bewilderment on her face. But her eyes quickly found Valentina’s. She stood, forcing air into her lungs, and watched as the object of her affections, the woman of her dreams, stood awkwardly in her living room. Valentina’s hair was slightly disheveled, her eyes somewhat clouded, her mouth parted, her eyebrows lifted slightly. Juliana thought Valentina looked as uneasy as she felt, but it did nothing to calm her nerves. 

They continued to stand, Juliana’s hand still holding the door handle, and stare at each other without moving or saying a word, the only sound in the room the heavy breathing as Juliana’s lungs continued to attempt to recover. Eventually, Lucy’s voice rang out through the space. 

“Okay. I have to meet a friend so I’ll get going.” She walked to Juliana and picked up her bag that was sitting on the stand next to the door. 

“Good luck.” She whispered as she pried Juliana’s hand from the door handle and pulled it closed behind her. 

Now they were alone, and the air seemed to thicken with the unknown. 

Valentina shifted nervously on her feet. 

“Hey.” She started, simply, softly. 

This seemed to break Juliana out of her trance. She blinked, breaking eye contact, and cleared her throat. She took her bag off her shoulders and dropped it unceremoniously onto the floor, trying to find a way through her muddled thoughts. The room was dark except the singular lamp that sat between the sofa and armchair, throwing an ugly yellow light around the room. She took an unsteady step forward, making eye contact with Valentina again.

“How did you find me?” 

Valentina gave her a small, lopsided smile. “Come, sit down and I’ll explain.” 

Juliana clenched her jaw as she looked at the sofa. She watched Valentina sit down in the middle of the seat, her blue eyes encouraging Juliana to join her. A pulling feeling tugged at Juliana’s stomach, and she felt her feet shuffle forward. Her eyes darted between the sofa and the armchair. She took the easy option and sat cautiously on the edge of the armchair. She saw Valentina nod slightly, just once, and realized she had wanted Juliana to sit with her on the sofa. The proximity was too much, so she stayed put.

“I found you through your drawing.” Valentina punctuated the silence. 

Juliana narrowed her eyes at this revelation. The only drawings out there in the world were from Jason’s gallery, which was small and relatively unknown. 

“It was by pure chance. Guille bought a drawing of pair of blue eyes that reminded him of me. I thought they looked familiar and noticed the small initials in the corner. My gut told me it was you. I went to the gallery and the owner gave me your details. I came straight here.” 

Juliana made a mental note to scold Jason for handing out her personal details to complete strangers. Valentina could have been any crazy person off the street. Juliana knew Valentina could be charming, so she wasn’t too shocked that Jason had succumbed to handing her information over. But the process of events was a little puzzling. The chances of Guille walking in and buying one of her drawings without knowing was so slim, and of Valentina connecting the dots and finding her way here even less so. It was too much to be a coincidence. 

“Why are you here?” 

Valentina’s face fell slightly. Juliana had tried to sound casual as she spoke, but the words came out harsher than she expected. She was struggling to grasp onto the fact that Valentina was sitting in front of her right now. She was afraid of the unknown and the barriers she had placed around her heart were still standing firm. 

“Well, I wanted to talk, I guess. Is that okay?” Valentina shifted closer to Juliana.

Juliana ran her hand through her hair and noticed Valentina’s eyes widen slightly as she took in the ugly scar on her forearm. It reminded her of the person she had become in their time apart. The person she doesn’t believe is worthy of Valentina’s pure, good-natured soul. She is too broken, too wrecked, to be in the position to give this stunning woman everything she deserves. There had to be someone out there who could do better than she ever could. 

Even so, she still wanted desperately to hear what Valentina had to say.

“Sure. Go ahead.” She rested her hand over the scar on her arm, attempting to cover it from view. 

“Oh, ah.” She watched as Valentina become flustered, and her heart fluttered in her chest. This woman was as adorable and lovely as she was the day Juliana left and in that moment, she knew her feelings for Valentina would never change. She would spend her life pining after Valentina, her heart belonged solely to her. Juliana found solace in that fact, but she refused to let Valentina see her soften. She couldn’t know the intensity of her feelings. “I mean, there’s so much to talk about. It’s been four years, Juls.”

Juliana bit her lower lip and nodded, looking down at her black converse shoes. “It’s been a long time, I know.”

“Have you thought about me at all?” Valentina’s question hung in the air. 

Juliana looked up to find soft blue eyes looking apprehensively at her. She couldn’t lie to her. 

“Yes.” 

Juliana heard a quiet breath escape Valentina’s lips. She wondered if Valentina had thought about her too, but was too scared to ask. Valentina shifted again, moving off the couch to sit on her knees beside the armchair, her body suddenly very close to Juliana. She could feel the body heat radiating off Valentina, her knees almost touching Valentina’s shoulder. She could smell her unique scent and it made her dizzy. Juliana leant forward, placing her head in her hands as she tried to overcome the overwhelming stimulus of having Valentina so close. Her mind was swimming, the sounds around her muted.

“Juls.” She heard Valentina whisper through the haze. It sounded like she was underwater. “Juls?” She felt a hand rest on her shoulder. It was enough to snap her out of her trance, and she straightened up, Valentina’s hand falling back onto the armrest. “Juls, are you okay?” 

Juliana looked down to see a concerned blue gazing back at her. The lamp beside the armchair shone down on Valentina, and Juliana was finally able to see her more clearly. Valentina’s perfect eyebrows were scrunched and she noticed the spark in her eyes had dulled. She had a few more freckles speckled across her nose than the last time Juliana had seen her, and her hair was longer and darker than she remembered. She resisted the urge to reach out and touch the girl, balling her hands into fists to stop herself. 

“I’m fine.” She took in a deep breath then, looking up around the room to give herself a quick reprieve from the intense blues. 

When she looked back down, Valentina was still sat there, waiting patiently. Juliana’s heart thumped a little harder when she noticed the pained expression in Valentina’s face. It was subtle, but it was evident in the way her eyes creased slightly, the way her lips quivered faintly. 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to tell you.” Juliana mumbled.

As Juliana turned her head, she heard a light gasp from Valentina. She whipped back around at the sound. 

“Juls.” She breathed, her hand reaching up slowly. Juliana moved back by instinct as Valentina’s fingers moved closer to her temple. She ground her teeth together as she realized that by turning her head, the light had landed on the nasty scar beside her eyebrow. As Valentina’s fingers almost brushed against her skin, Juliana was overwhelmed by the moment and the sad look in Valentina’s eyes. She stood up abruptly, unable to bear the weight of Valentina’s soft touch on her bare skin. Juliana took a few steps to give herself some space, unable to think straight with Valentina that close. 

“Juls. What happened with your father?” Valentina’s voice was thick. 

Juliana couldn’t make eye contact. She could feel her emotions creep up on her and she knew those blue eyes would make her come undone. 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” Juliana dismissed Valentina’s concern as if it were nothing. 

Valentina stood then, but kept her distance. Juliana stood with arms crossed over her chest, looking around the room at anything other than the woman in front of her. 

“Juls. Please. Look at me.” Valentina’s voice quivered.

Juliana groaned quietly and scrunched her eyes together, her head hanging low. She didn’t know what to do or say. She wanted so desperately to tell the beautiful woman in front of her how much she loved her, how much she had missed her. She wanted Valentina to wrap her up in a warm hug and pick up the pieces. She wanted to share the burden of the past four years with her, even though it hurt to think about. She wanted to hear what Valentina had accomplished while they have been apart, to tell her what was going on in her life. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t stand for Valentina to know the kinds of things she did when she was with Chino, she couldn’t let her see the hardened person she had become. 

She sucked in a deep breath and looked at Valentina. “What do you want from me?” She tried her best to speak clearly, but her voice trembled faintly. 

“Are you serious?” Valentina looked at her incredulously. “You’re all I’ve thought about for last four years, Juls. You have consumed my every thought.” 

Juliana could do nothing but stand there and hold herself even tighter, the only way she could stop herself from falling into Valentina. She had to be strong, even if it crushed her into a million pieces. 

“Juliana. I got a call from your mother two years ago, and she told me you contacted her. You were alive. I was ecstatic. It was news I had prayed for since you disappeared. Then she told me Chino had died, and my heart sunk for you. You were out there alone and I longed to be with you, to hold you. And then my hope soared. You want to know why?” Valentina’s hands flew in the air as she spoke, her voice strained and melancholy. “Because I thought that finally you would come back. You would come back and be with me, with us, because you had no reason to stay away anymore. And then your mother said you weren’t coming back. And my heart broke again. My already broken heart was crushed again because you weren’t coming back. And I couldn’t understand why.”

“Val…” Juliana started, but Valentina cut her off.

“Don’t you say my name like that if you are going to stand there and not offer me anything.” Valentina spoke through her teeth, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Juliana stood still, feeling completely and utterly hopeless. Her whole body tensed as she watched Valentina cry in front of her. Her stomach was in knots, her heart aching in her chest. 

“I would have given anything to see you again. But you clearly didn’t care enough to come back. You couldn’t even call me and tell me you were okay. Why didn’t you call me, Juliana?” Her voice was becoming louder as her emotions began to overtake, choking on the tears streaming down her face. 

“I’m not the same person I was, Valentina.” Juliana burst, her hands in fists by her side. “I’m different. I’ve changed.”

“That’s a cop out and you know it. We’ve both changed. Don’t you dare use that as an excuse.” Valentina took a step closer to Juliana, her voice still tinged with anger and resentment, her hands pointing as she spoke.

“I can’t. I can’t do this.” Juliana turned around, facing out the window. 

“What do you mean, you can’t do this? Don’t turn your back on me. Not again.” Valentina stuttered. 

Juliana could feel her heart clench and she shook her head. She steeled herself as she said the words she never wanted to say, but knew deep down were true.

“I can’t give you what you need. I can’t give you what you deserve. I can’t be what you want me to be.” 

Juliana wrapped her arms around her body, trying to keep herself together. 

“That’s not your decision to make. There are two of us here.” Valentina choked. 

The silence stretched out between them, the sounds of Valentina’s sobs filling the air. The lump in Juliana’s throat only grew as she listened to the girl she loved cry behind her, her fingers tingling with the need to wipe those tears away, to comfort her. Silent tears spilled over her own eyes, sliding down Juliana’s cheeks. 

“What was the point of everything, huh? What was the purpose of falling in love with you if you weren’t going to fight for it? What was the point of these past seven years?” The disappointment in Valentina’s voice was too much, choking the words out through her tears. “If you don’t want me anymore, I’ll just go.” Valentina took another step closer, her voice trembling.

Juliana didn’t respond. She didn’t know how to respond. She knew Valentina was hurting, but she honestly believed she was doing the right thing. So she continued to stand there, looking out onto the street below, tears streaking her cheeks.

“Juliana, please?” Valentina pleaded, fresh sobs wracking her body.

Juliana’s heart ached with every strangled sound Valentina made. 

“Juliana. Talk to me.” Valentina’s tone was laced with desperation.

“I can’t.” Juliana responded, as calmly as possible. 

This was for the best. Valentina could move on with her life. She could find someone who could provide for her, comfort her, support her. Juliana would only make her life more difficult, and she could never live with herself knowing Valentina deserved more. 

“Right.” Valentina sniffed.

She continued to sob behind Juliana. She heard Valentina open the door. She hung her head as she heard the door close and the apartment became quiet once again. 

It was only then that Juliana let herself feel, completely overcome with what she just did, and she fell apart. 

*******************************

“You’re an idiot.” Lucy shook her head and took another sip of her tea. 

It was the next morning and Lucy had taken Juliana a fresh cup of tea in bed. Juliana fell into bed after Valentina had left, clutching her chest tightly, holding herself together as her heart broke all over again. She didn’t get a wink of sleep, her eyes red rimmed and cheeks wet with the constant barrage of tears. 

She wanted to run after Valentina, to hold her close and tell her the truth. Instead, she wept for the woman she loved. She wept for the life she could have had. She wept for the cruelty of life. 

“Why am I an idiot?” She croaked, her voice broken.

“Juliana, seriously? You are in love with this girl. And from what I could tell, she has some seriously intense feelings for you too. I mean, she tracked you down through your drawing her brother bought by chance. That’s some serendipity kind of shit. And you are just going to sit here and torture yourself for the rest of your life because you think you aren’t enough?”

Juliana nodded as she blew on her steaming mug of tea. 

“You’re an idiot.” Lucy repeated. “I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

Juliana wiped away another tear, unable to get the sounds of Valentina crying out of her head. 

“Juliana. You need to tell her the truth. If anything, she deserves that.”

“What is telling her the truth going to achieve?” Juliana wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. 

“If we aren’t honest with the people we love, what are we left with?” 

Juliana just shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know how to tell her. I’m scared of how she’s going to react.”

Lucy sighed. “Juliana, I know you have been through a lot. Even though I don’t know the details, I see the way you hold yourself as if you’re always about to be hit, I see how you are always wary of new people, I see how you flinch at loud noises. I can see the scars on your skin. I can tell you’ve been through some rough stuff. Is it not time for you to finally enjoy something good?”

Juliana put her mug down on her bedside and pulled her knees to her chest. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I do know. You deserve some light in your life. And it’s selfish, the way you’re acting. You have to let Valentina make the choice herself, you can’t make it for her. She needs to know your truth Juliana, or else neither of you will be able to move on. You have an opportunity here to change the course of your life. You’d be silly not to take it.”

Juliana knew there was some truth in Lucy’s words. She thought about what her life has been like without Valentina in it, and the prospect of the whole rest of her life being the same miserable, half existence. She rested her head on her knees, closing her eyes. 

“You deserve happiness as much as the next person, Juliana. Think about it.” Lucy patted her head gently and left the room, leaving Juliana to her thoughts. 

Juliana fell back into her bed and drifted into darkness. 

She awoke with a jolt, as blue eyes spilled tear after tear, the sounds of crying haunting her dreams. 

Her room was dark now, a light glow from the streetlights below offering a tinge of yellow across the small bedroom. She groaned as she sat up, checking the time on her phone. It was 8.10pm. She had slept all afternoon. 

As she sat and rubbed her pounding head, she thought of Valentina. She thought about how upset she had been, how she had gone to all kinds of lengths to find Juliana. Her mind travelled back to their summers in Arrizo, and how beautiful and carefree their time together had been. They were memories she had cherished the most, the memories that got her through some of the toughest times of her life. 

She tried putting herself in Valentina’s position, to see it from her perspective. She tried to imagine how she would have felt if Valentina had been taken away from her. She imagined how distraught she would have felt, how inconsolable she would have been, how her heart would have broken again if Valentina hadn’t contacted her when she had the opportunity. She thought about their history, their time spent under the sun and the waves, their experiences together, the most precious time of their lives. She knew how disappointed and dejected she would have felt by the lack of response Juliana gave last night. 

Juliana picked up her copy of Valentina’s book, which had been perched on her bedside table since the reading. She flicked through the sheets, finally falling on the very first page. 

_For Juliana. _

And finally, it dawned on her. She messed up. Lucy was right. Valentina was owed the truth, and she didn’t give it to her. She hoped she hadn’t missed her chance. 

“Fuck.” Juliana said to her empty room. 

She scrambled up out of her bed and switched on the light, changing out of her daggy grey sweats and into a pair of black jeans and a band t-shirt she bought from a thrift store. She ran her brush through her hair and threw it up into a messy bun, plucked a piece of gum into her mouth and stepped out into the living room. 

“Heading out?” Lucy questioned, a smirk on her lips. 

“Yes.” Juliana hesitated. “Actually, I don’t really know where I’m going.” 

She sat down next to Lucy on the sofa. 

“You said her last name was Carvajal, right?” 

Juliana nodded. 

“As in, The Carvajal? The hotel?” Lucy nudged Juliana with her elbow. 

Juliana’s eyes lit up. “Of course.” 

She was about to jump out of her seat when Lucy’s hand fell on her knee. She looked up to find piercing green. 

“Juliana, she might be upset. What are you going to say to her?”

Juliana took in a deep breath. “I haven’t really thought about it. I was just going to tell her the truth.”

Lucy gave Juliana a small smile. “All you can do is be honest. And then you can walk away knowing you’ve done all you can.” 

Juliana scrunched her eyebrows slightly. “Thanks, Lucy.” She reached forward and enveloped her housemate into an awkward hug. She then stood, picked up her phone and ordered an Uber as she walked out of the apartment. 

The Uber pulled up outside of The Carvajal and Juliana stepped out, legs shaking. The sliding doors opened as she approached and she swallowed her nerves, walking slowly up to the main desk of the hotel lobby. 

The lobby was just as elegant as The Carvajal in Arrizo. The room was large and well lit, with expensive looking furniture placed strategically around the room, classical music playing quietly through the fashionably tiled space. 

“Can I help you, ma’am?” The man at the desk spoke, a polite smile forced onto his face. Juliana could tell she looked out of place, the receptionists judging eyes sweeping over her scruffy appearance. 

“Yes. I’m looking for Valentina. Carvajal.” She added the last name as the man’s eyebrows shot up. 

“And you are?” 

“Juliana Valdez. I’m an old friend.” Juliana fidgeted with her fingers. She hadn’t thought this far ahead. She didn’t even know if Valentina was here. 

The man rifled through some papers on his desk. 

“I’m sorry, your name isn’t on the list.”

Juliana nodded her head in acknowledgement. “Yes, I know. But I need to speak with her. It’s important.”

“Juliana?” A familiar voice called out her name. 

She swung around to face Guille. He was dressed in a navy suit, with a beautiful brunette woman on his arm. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he approached Juliana, letting the woman go. 

“Guille. Hi.” Juliana offered a weak smile at Valentina’s brother. She knew Valentina had probably told him everything that had happened. Juliana always envied the relationship Valentina had with her sibling, in awe of the closeness they shared.

His brown eyes softened as he reached her, pulling her into an unexpected hug. She hesitated before returning the embrace.

“It’s so good to see you.” He whispered as he let Juliana go. 

“Yeah, you too.” 

“Are you here for Vale?” Juliana couldn’t help but smile at hearing the nickname Valentina’s family used. 

“Yes. I messed up and I need to speak with her. Is she here?”

Guille huffed out breath. “She’s not good, Juliana. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” 

Juliana looked straight into Guille’s eyes and pleaded with him. “I need to fix this, Guille. Please help me.” 

Guille glanced to the woman he was with earlier, who was now standing behind his shoulder watching the interaction. The woman nodded and Guille placed his hand on Juliana’s shoulder. 

“Come with me.” 

The threesome walked to the elevator in silence. Guille pressed his keycard to the card reader in the elevator and thumbed the final button, the elevator lurching upwards. 

“Vale has been different since you left.” Guille’s spoke softly. 

Juliana looked at him and saw the worry and sadness in his eyes. She wondered what pain and suffering he had seen in the years she has been gone. 

“It’s been hard for her. Please don’t make it any harder.” The sorrow was evident in his tone. The woman shifted closer and held his hand tightly. 

“I only want her to be happy.” Juliana said as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, revealing a short hallway. Guille walked to the closest door and used his keycard to grant the group access to the extravagant penthouse suite. The room was dimly lit, the kitchen and living area’s flowing into one large, open space, a grand piano sitting in the corner of the room overlooking the blinking lights of Manhattan beyond through the floor to ceiling windows. Juliana had forgotten what this kind of luxury looked like, her eyes wide as she took in the lavish space. 

She followed Guille to a hallway, stopping at the first door. He knocked and called out Valentina’s name softly. There was no response, so he slowly pushed the door open. The room was dark and quiet. Guille took slow, tentative steps into the room, continuing to whisper “Vale.” Juliana was glued to her spot, a lump forming in her throat, her palms becoming clammy. She wiped them on her jeans and closed her eyes, trying to control her breathing. She had no idea how she was going to explain herself to Valentina. 

A warm hand fell softly on her shoulder. Guille stood in the entrance to the door, a light now illuminating the room behind him. 

“Be kind to her.” He whispered, and then disappeared. 

Juliana took a deep breath and stepped into the room. 

Valentina was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, a yellow blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Juliana stepped forwards, standing a few feet away from her. She could hear her sniffling and she felt an invisible hand form a fist around her heart as she took in the shrunken figure in front of her. 

“What are you doing here?” Valentina’s bitter tone pierced straight through her. 

Juliana bit her lower lip and shoved her hands into her jean pockets. 

“I came to apologize. And to tell you the truth.” Juliana did her best to keep her voice calm. 

Valentina lifted her head at this, and their eyes met for the first time that night. Valentina’s eyes were cloudy and red, either sleep deprived, tear stained or both. Juliana felt that knot in her stomach tighten at the sight. 

“Why now?” 

Juliana shrugged her shoulders, even though she knew the answer. “You deserve to know the truth.”

Juliana stepped back and sat down on the chair sitting opposite where Valentina was slumped over on the bed. 

She took a deep breath and sat leaning forward, her elbows resting on her knees. 

“That night Chino arrived, he threatened me. I refused to go with him, but he had been watching us. He knew about us, and he used it against me. He said he would do bad things to you and mama if I didn’t go with him.” She gulped, working against the lump in her throat. “I couldn’t let that happen. I could never live with myself if something happened to you. So I got in the car with him that night, understanding I may never see you again.”

“Juls…” Valentina began, but Juliana cut her off. 

“Please, let me finish.”

Valentina nodded her head slowly, a pained expression on her face.

Juliana began picking at her nails. She was anxious to tell her about her time with Chino. She hadn’t spoken about it with anyone.

“You remember what I told you about Chino?” Juliana asked. 

“Yes.” Valentina whispered. 

“It was two years of hell, Val. I did bad things.” Juliana squeezed her eyes shut, unable to look at Valentina while she explained. “I experienced dishonesty, physicality, threats, drunks, death. I had to escape situations I didn’t even know I had been thrown into. I was made to do things I never wanted to do. I watched as people disregarded human life. I looked on as people beat the life out of another over simple disagreements. I saw threats of harm become a reality. I looked into the eyes of people who wanted to inflict pain on me, and I saw nothing but darkness. After a while, the light was sucked out of me, and I become one of those people as a way of survival.” 

Juliana sucked in a breath and chewed the inside of her cheek. 

“That’s one reason why I didn’t call you after Chino died. I was scared of the person I had become. I was afraid you would be disgusted at the hardened shell I had turned in to during those two years. Instead of facing my fears, I ran away from them. I thought that you would be better off without this broken person in your life.” 

A single tear fell down her cheek, and she hastily wiped it away. 

“What was the other reason?” 

Juliana found deep blue gazing at her. The blanket had fallen off her shoulders and now pooled around her waist. Her hair was messy and un-brushed, her face pale and her hands trembled in her lap. But she was listening intently, her expression unreadable. 

“I was terrified you had moved on, that you had forgotten about me. I didn’t want to disrupt the life you had created in the two years I had been away. I didn’t want to be a burden.” 

Valentina sighed and fell forward onto her knees, shuffling to sit in front of Juliana on the floor. 

“I’m sorry you had to live through that.” She said quietly. Silence enveloped them as they processed each others words.

“Do you want to know what those two years were like for me?” Valentina asked softly.

Juliana sniffled and nodded. 

“I turned to alcohol to numb the pain I felt without your presence. I was so lost without you, that I become a drunk, making a fool of myself, ruining my reputation. My father pulled me out of college and sent me to rehab.”

Juliana stared at Valentina, her face crumbling, listening to the sorrow and anguish in her voice. 

“I’m sorry.” Juliana puffed. “I’m sorry this happened.” Her brow furrowed as Valentina reached up and delicately wiped a tear away from Juliana’s cheek. The contact of Valentina’s fingers on her skin made her shiver. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“None of this would have happened if Chino hadn’t –“ Juliana started to get agitated as she thought of the flow on effect of Chino’s actions. He had brought so much misery to their lives, ruined years of potential. The room was spinning.

“It’s done now. It’s over.” Valentina croaked, sensing Juliana’s frustration, attempting to quash the negative thoughts. “Breathe, Juls.”

Juliana took in a deep breath, catching Valentina’s scent. She breathed it in, let it calm her, her anger at the situation moving to the back of her brain, focusing on what she came here to do.

“I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea.” Juliana murmured, watching relief wash over Valentina’s features. She saw a small smile make its way onto Valentina’s lips. 

“I missed you, too. But we’re here now.” Valentina whispered, leaning up on her knees, tracing her fingers from Juliana’s cheek to the nape of her neck. 

“I’m sorry about last night. I was trying to push you away for your own sake.”

“How did you think pushing me away would be the right thing?” 

“I don’t feel like – “ Juliana’s hands balled into fists, her eyes scrunched closed and her knee bounced nervously as she struggled to say the words. 

Valentina’s free hand pressed softly onto her knee, reminding her of her presence.

“Say it.” Valentina encouraged. 

Juliana chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I don’t feel worthy of you anymore. I think you can do better. I don’t want to hold you back.” She admitted, her insecurities finally coming to light. 

Valentina didn’t hesitate to press her forehead lightly against Juliana’s, warmth shooting through her veins at the proximity and intimacy of the touch. She could feel light puffs of breath on her lips, their noses brushing together. 

“After all this time apart, I discovered one thing. That all I need is you. That’s all. I can forego everything else. But you are what I need. My heart and soul can’t function properly without you.”

Tears fell from Juliana’s eyes, overwhelmed with Valentina’s confession. She had spent four years tucking her hope of being with Valentina again away, locked in the depths of her heart. Those blue eyes got her through some of her darkest times, and here they were, in front of her, open and honest and willing to try. 

As Valentina’s gentle fingers wiped up her tears, Juliana spoke the words she didn’t ever think she would have the opportunity to repeat. 

“I’ve never stopped loving you, Val.” 

A strained giggle fell from Valentina’s lips, the emotional exchange taking its toll both girls. 

Valentina sniffed and looked clearly into Juliana’s eyes. “I love you too, chiquita.”

Juliana’s heart almost exploded, the knot in her stomach slowly unraveling. She tilted her head and slowly moved forward, her eyes skimming over Valentina’s features, taking in her soft lips, her long eyelashes, her furrowed brow. She closed her eyes and leant in, and her whole body melted as her lips finally touched Valentina’s.

The kiss started slow and tentative, a sigh of contentment released from both girls as they settled into the sensation. Their lips moved against each other’s delicately, tasting of salt from their combined tears. Juliana brought her hands up to hold Valentina’s neck gently, pushing deeper into the embrace. Her tongue went searching and found Valentina’s in the next movement. 

Juliana had avoided physical contact since she was taken from Arrizo, only really experiencing harshness and pain. As her tongue clashed with Valentina’s, an overwhelming desire took over her body, and she wanted Valentina as close to her as possible. The electricity in the room sizzled as Juliana refused to break away, breathing heavily through her nose. Valentina responded to the intensity of the situation, gripping onto Valentina’s neck forcefully, biting down on Juliana’s lower lip, a deep growl resonating in Juliana’s throat. 

Juliana stood then, bringing Valentina with her. A gasp was released from Valentina’s mouth as Juliana pulled herself away from her lips and began placing messy, open-mouthed kisses on Valentina’s long neck, sucking gently on her pulse point. 

“Juls.” Valentina whined, and Juliana stopped, licking her way to Valentina’s earlobe. 

“Is this okay?” Juliana breathed as she sucked on Valentina’s earlobe. 

“God. Yes.” 

“I want you.” Juliana groaned as her hands fumbled with Valentina’s sweatshirt. Her hands found the warm skin of her stomach, and she felt Valentina shiver under her touch. 

Juliana grabbed at the hem of the sweatshirt and pulled it up swiftly, Valentina’s hair tumbling down her shoulders as Juliana threw the top away. Juliana took a moment to look at the beauty before her, still in awe at being with Valentina like this again, topless and panting. Valentina squirmed under her gaze.

“You’re so beautiful.” She said reverently, her hands carefully squeezing Valentina’s bare breasts. 

She leant down and took a nipple into her mouth, sucking gently as the bud hardened under her care. She felt the wetness coat her underwear as she heard Valentina moan and felt her fingers massage her scalp. Valentina’s fingers pulled at Juliana, bringing her back up into a bruising kiss. 

Juliana felt Valentina’s hands pull at her own t-shirt, lifting her arms as Valentina pulled it up and over her head. Valentina’s deft fingers immediately went to work on her bra, the item discarded as quickly as the shirt. They clung to one another, their tongues and teeth clashing passionately, as their breasts brushed together, their breathing becoming more ragged. 

Juliana pushed Valentina lightly and her knees bent as they hit the bed, and she fell back. 

Juliana didn’t hesitate as she pulled Valentina’s ankles up and yanked at her sweatpants, and watched as Valentina lifted her hips. Suddenly, Valentina lay in front of her in nothing but her underwear. It took her breath away. She stopped her movements and bit her lip as her eyes swept over the beauty lying on the bed. Valentina noticed the pause and sat up, grabbing Juliana’s hips and pulling her close between her legs. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” She whispered.

Juliana looked down, observing the hesitation and care in Valentina’s voice, detecting the dark pupils surrounded by the smallest rim of blue, the desire blatant in her eyes.

“I’ve just wanted this for such a long time.” 

Valentina smiled back at her, the light finally reaching her eyes. 

Without breaking eye contact, Valentina's fingers worked quickly and efficiently to unbutton Juliana’s jeans, pulling them down gently, leaving both women in their underwear.

Valentina leaned back and shuffled her way to the head of the bed. 

“Come here.” She crooned. 

Juliana stepped out of her jeans and crawled on the bed, pressing herself lightly on top of Valentina. Valentina’s hand grasped her neck and pulled her down, their heated kisses eliciting moans of pleasure from both girls. Juliana adjusted her position and pushed her thigh between Valentina’s legs, grinding down on the brunette. Valentina pulled away from the kiss and moaned loudly as Juliana continued to move her thigh on Valentina’s center, feeling the slickness through the material. 

Juliana bit down on Valentina’s shoulder as Valentina grabbed at Juliana’s underwear. 

“These. Off.” She panted. 

Juliana sat up slightly and yanked her underwear down and off, then proceeded to do the same with Valentina. She hovered over Valentina, lying gently on her left arm while her free hand traced from Valentina’s jawline, down her neck and around her breast. She heard Valentina’s breath become uneven as her feather like touch skimmed her stomach and made its way south. Juliana paused as she reached the apex of Valentina’s hips. 

“Can I?” She murmured. She was desperate to touch her, but didn’t want to push any boundaries. 

Valentina responded by holding her wrist and pushing it down. 

Juliana’s heart almost burst out of her chest as her fingers slid through the delicious wetness of Valentina. Her eyes slammed shut as the sensation of having Valentina like this again dazed her, able to focus on touch and nothing else. 

“God, Val. You feel so good.” 

Juliana rubbed her clit gently, fingernails scratching her back, the slim frame underneath her squirming under the attention. 

Valentina pulled Juliana close, kissing her passionately. Juliana didn’t know where to focus, her senses on overload. 

Valentina’s hands landed on her ass and she squeezed gently, pulling Juliana on top of her. Juliana lost her balance and contact with Valentina’s center. She felt Valentina shift below her, pushing forwards and moving into a sitting position. She threw one leg under Juliana’s and shuffled closer, angling herself on top, their centers finally connecting. 

With the initial movement, Juliana groaned. 

“Fuck.” Valentina rasped as her hips moved again, quickly finding a rhythm. 

Juliana grabbed Valentina’s hips and moved with her, slick sounds filling the room as the girls ground down on each other.

Valentina held Juliana close, her hot breaths hitting Juliana’s face. They maintained eye contact as their centers collided, their hips swaying to an imaginary beat, their eyes never breaking contact. 

“I’m close, Juls.” Valentina groaned. 

“Fuck. So am I.” Sparks were shooting down her spine and throbbing in her abdomen.

“Faster.” Valentina’s hands dug into Juliana’s back, their bodies moving together as they sought release. 

Juliana threw her head back and moaned loudly as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through her body, her muscles twitching and warmth spreading through her veins. She felt Valentina shudder and convulse against her, spots of white beamed from behind her eyelids as she disentangled herself from Valentina. 

The girls lay together as they caught their breath. 

Eventually, Valentina rolled over and placed her head in Juliana’s neck, pressing tantalizing kisses in her wake, her fingers trailing up and down her side. 

“I forgot what it was like.” She whispered into Juliana’s skin. 

Juliana brought her arm up and pushed her fingers into Valentina’s hair, gently massaging her scalp. 

“How was it?” 

Valentina laughed softly into the crook of Juliana’s neck. 

“Can you go again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. This was a tough one for me to write. I hope I did it justice!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two women attempt to work things out.

Juliana woke slowly, a warm finger trailing her jawline. The soft touch eventually roused her from her slumber. Her eyes fluttered as she shifted slightly and took in a deep breath. The room was dull but it was light enough to recognize it was morning. As her eyes opened fully, they latched onto bright blue gazing at her. Valentina was awake, her brunette hair splayed out around her, the white sheet tucked under her torso, a small smile gathering on her pink lips. Juliana couldn’t help but smile back at her. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” Valentina croaked, her voice still laced with sleep.

Her finger continued to trace the outline of Juliana’s features, her eyes sweeping over Juliana’s face. 

“Morning.” Juliana moved her hand under the sheet to rest on Valentina’s hip, pulling her slightly closer. 

Valentina’s thumb and index finger hooked onto Juliana’s chin as she pressed her lips onto Juliana’s. Juliana hummed as her lips moved tenderly against Valentina’s. She couldn’t remember the last time she woke up without the tight feeling in her chest, noticing it’s absence as Valentina sucked gently on her lower lip. 

Valentina pulled away and grinned at Juliana, settling back into her pillow, her fingers continuing their exploration of Juliana’s face. 

“Did you sleep okay?” 

Juliana nodded slightly. “The best in a long time.” She admitted. 

“Me too.” 

Both girls were silent for a moment, basking happily in each other’s presence, gazing openly at the other. 

Juliana felt Valentina’s finger trace over the scar on her temple, brushing away the hair that had fallen there. Juliana’s eyes widened slightly, worried about Valentina’s reaction to the marred skin. She kept her eyes locked on Valentina’s, watching for any hesitation or doubt from the girl in front of her, but her face never faltered. 

“Juls?”

“Yeah?” 

“What happened here?” Valentina whispered as her finger gently traced the mark. Her voice was sincere and somber. 

Juliana closed her eyes at the question, unsure on how to move forward. 

Valentina seemed to notice her reluctance, and gently pressed her forehead against Juliana’s for comfort.

“Hey. I don’t want to push you. But I’m here for you without judgment. I’ll listen, whenever you’re ready. Okay?” 

She waited until their breathing synced up before pulling away and opening her eyes again. 

Juliana bit her lower lip as she took in the concerned look on Valentina’s face. 

“I want to talk about. I think I need to talk about it eventually. I’m just not sure you’ll want to hear it.”

Valentina’s features softened. “I’ll always want to hear what you have to say, Juls. Even if it’s hard.” 

Juliana pressed her lips into a thin line as she gathered her thoughts.

She released a shaky breath as she began to speak. “One of Chino’s men put out his cigarette right there as I was sleeping one night.” Juliana’s finger pressed against the raised skin, her jaw clenching as she remembered the smell of burning skin, the excruciating pain, the hauntingly dark eyes looking down on her. She also remembered the feeling of hopelessness, of worthlessness, of hate. She was brought back to reality by a nose brushing against her own and soft words of love and affirmation. 

“I’m sorry, Juls. I’m so sorry. I hate that you had to experience that. But you don’t ever have to feel like that again. No-one will treat you with such little disregard ever again.”

Valentina sniffed and lifted her head, placing a delicate kiss on the scar. 

Juliana could see the sorrow in Valentina’s eyes as she lay back on her pillow, her face mere inches away. Her self-doubt from reliving a harrowing fragment of her past kicked in. She felt vulnerable and afraid. She closed her eyes and moved onto her back, bringing her hands into fists by her side. 

Juliana felt a warm hand enclose around a fist, her eyes squeezing shut as she attempted to control her rising anxiousness at the situation she found herself in. She had cast all of her doubts aside last night and given into temptation. Her night with Valentina was incredible and truly unforgettable. But the creeping sensation of the unknown, of the possible rejection once the enormity of her trauma was revealed, made her head spin. She began the process of building back up her walls for protection. 

The warm hand around her fist squeezed gently. 

“Don’t. Don’t do it. Don’t shut me out.” Valentina’s voice trembled as she spoke. “I can see you shutting me out. Talk to me, Juls. Please?”

Juliana rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger, battling with the idea of running or staying. She wanted to stay. There was nothing else in the world she wanted more. She wanted to stay in Valentina’s arms, to tell her everything, to find comfort and solace in her words and actions. But her instinct was to run, to save herself from any more hurt. 

She turned and looked at Valentina, her blue eyes fierce. 

“I’m not giving up on you.” Valentina whispered.

With those words, Juliana knew she couldn’t run, she couldn’t bare the thought of hurting this woman all over again. This was her world, right here. She had to trust, she had to let go of her previous inhibitions and hope and pray this worked out. 

She swallowed thickly and sat up, running her hands through her hair. She needed to figure out where she stood with Valentina. They had reunited, but Juliana was confused as to what happens next. 

She looked down at Valentina, who had risen to lean up on her elbow, her milky skin complimenting the white sheet wrapped around her body, her bare shoulders and slender neck enticing Juliana. She cleared her throat as her eyes found their way back to Valentina’s face. She noticed a small smirk on Valentina’s lips, obviously detecting Juliana’s ogling. 

“We need to talk. But you need to put some clothes on first. You are too distracting right now.” Juliana tried to sound clam, trying her best to remove the small hint of unease from Valentina’s face.

Both girls spent the next few minutes collecting their clothes and getting dressed, shy smiles and side glances stolen as they fumbled with buttons and clasps, still getting used to the other’s presence. 

Juliana observed Valentina’s body, her long limbs and slim torso. She admired the way Valentina moved around the room, swiftly and confidently while Juliana just felt awkward and shy. Valentina threw her hair into a long ponytail after pulling on a fresh pair of underwear, grey sweats and a blue shirt. She sat down on the end of the bed just as Juliana finished pulling her own black Pink Floyd shirt over her head, whipping her own dark hair into a messy bun. She sat opposite Valentina, one leg folded underneath her as the other hung over the end of the bed. 

“Uhm.” Juliana began nervously as she started picking at the small hole in her jeans. 

She saw Valentina reach out and rest her hand soothingly on her knee. The touch alone managed to provide an element of calm to her racing thoughts. Juliana looked up to see Valentina gazing curiously at her. “It’s okay.” She whispered earnestly. 

Juliana’s mouth twitched into a lopsided smile and she took in a deep breath, linking her fingers into Valentina’s. Valentina gave her a gentle squeeze of encouragement. 

“I guess- uhm- I just need to work out what all this means.” She huffed out. 

Valentina’s eyebrows rose slightly, and Juliana began rambling, stumbling over her thoughts. 

“I don’t want to rush things. And I don’t want you to do or be anything you aren’t comfortable with. I’m just curious where we stand. It’s been a long time and we’ve only just reconnected. I don’t know what happens now. I’m a little lost, if I’m honest.” Her free hand made erratic movements in the air, reflecting her internal confusion. 

She watched as Valentina took her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled at her as she spoke. 

Juliana pushed the nail of her index finger in between her own teeth, gnawing at the edges as she watched Valentina’s amused expression. 

“Juls.” Valentina reached forward and pulled Juliana’s finger out from between her teeth. “Listen to me.” She shifted closer to Juliana, their knees now touching. “I have been waiting for you to come back into my life for four years. I’ve told you before, I’ll tell you again now and I’ll keep telling you in the future, I never stopped loving you and I never will.” 

Juliana tried to control her breathing as she took in Valentina’s words. She said them with such devotion, such reverence, that it almost took her breath away. 

“But, I don’t want to rush things either.” She continued. “Maybe we need to take things easy. Get to know one another again. Maybe we can spend the week together. What do you think?” 

Juliana pulled Valentina in for a crushing hug, her body fitting perfectly around Valentina’s. She breathed in her scent and closed her eyes, internally thanking the universe for bringing this woman back into her life. She could slowly feel the tension and heaviness she always carried with her begin to fade into the background already. 

“That sounds perfect, Val. Thank you.”

They pulled apart and Valentina reached up and brushed Juliana’s hair back from her face. 

“How about we start with breakfast?” She whispered, a glimmer in her eye. 

Juliana leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Valentina’s lips. 

“Let’s do it.” She smiled. 

Juliana waited in the bedroom as Valentina took a shower. She thought about Valentina’s words earlier and picked up her phone off the bedside table, pressing the green call button to Perlita’s café. She asked Perlita if she wouldn’t mind taking a week off work. The kind old lady reminded her Juliana hadn’t taken a day off in two years, and she should in fact take two weeks off. Juliana thanked Perlita profusely and told her she’d keep in contact regarding her return to work date. 

Juliana made her way out to the kitchen to help herself to a glass of water as Valentina got ready for the day. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate or drank, so she opened and closed the kitchen cabinet doors searching for a glass. She turned the tap on and filled up her cup, her head snapping up to the sound of a door opening and feet tapping on the tiles. Guille entered the main living area from the hallway, his body wrapped in a white robe and his hair in a dark mess on top of his head. His eyes were bleary and he rubbed at them as he shuffled towards the kitchen. 

Juliana turned the tap off and froze, watching Guille wander towards her. She knew he hadn’t noticed her yet and wasn’t sure if she should say something. As he reached the kitchen island, their eyes met and he stopped immediately, his eyes widening slightly. 

“Juliana.” He rasped, surprise evident in his voice. “Sorry, I thought it was Vale clanging around out here.” He offered her a small smile and straightened up, suddenly looking more awake. 

“She’s just getting dressed.” She said, blushing at the implications of what that could mean. 

His smile widened as he noticed the tinge of embarrassment cross over Juliana’s features. Juliana took a long gulp of water, still standing at the sink, hoping the cool liquid might also cool her heated face. 

“Well, it’s great to see you.” He chuckled and walked over to the same cupboard and pulled out his own glass. Juliana moved out of the way and perched herself on a bar stool at the island as Guille filled up his own cup. 

“I take it last night went well?” He asked as he took a long sip of his own. 

Juliana nodded. “I think so.” 

“Yes, Guille. It went well.” Valentina spoke as she entered the room, crossing the living area and coming to stand behind Juliana, placing a three quick pecks on her cheek, her arms encircling Juliana’s shoulders in a backwards hug. 

Juliana blushed again, unsure of where to look. A part of her was embarrassed and didn’t know quite what to do. She was not used to public displays of affection, or affection at all. Another part of her was happy Valentina was taking ownership of what was happening between them, clearly confident enough with what was going on to show her brother. Valentina rested her chin on Juliana’s shoulder, and she breathed in the brunette’s shampoo, her heart thumping a little louder in her chest, a smile breaking out at the contact. 

“I can see that.” Guille said, amused, watching the two girls. 

“We’re going for breakfast.” Valentina burst, the excitement evident in her voice. Her body seemed to buzz with anticipation. Juliana couldn’t help but feel butterflies in her stomach, reaching up to place her hand on Valentina’s forearm. Valentina nuzzled into Juliana’s neck. “Are you ready to go?” She whispered, placing another soft kiss to her neck. Valentina’s mood was infectious and Juliana found herself unable to get rid of the smile on her face. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 

Valentina let go of Juliana and stood, holding her hand for Juliana to take. Juliana slipped her hand into Valentina’s and it felt strangely like they were back in Arrizo, living their simple lives during a Mexican summer at the lazy coastal town. Juliana was surprised at how the simple touch had such a large impact on unraveling the self-doubt and uncertainties that Juliana was holding onto. It just felt right, and the bright blue in Valentina’s eyes pierced right through her. 

Juliana slid her phone in her back pocket and waved at Guille as Valentina led them to the front door of the suite. 

“Wait!” 

Valentina stopped suddenly and turned around to see Guille walking towards them. He pulled Valentina into a big hug. Juliana tried to let go of Valentina’s hand so she could hug Guille back, but Valentina wouldn’t let go, offering Guille a one-armed embrace.

Guille pulled back and placed his hands on Valentina’s shoulders, looking between the two girls. 

“I’m really happy you found one another again.” He croaked, his eyes watery. 

Valentina gave Juliana a toothy grin and then focused back on Guille. “Me too.” Valentina said as she caressed her brothers face. “Thank you.” 

Guille nodded and stepped back, allowing the girls to leave the suite. 

They stood in comfortable silence in the elevator and out onto the street. Juliana noticed Valentina never left much space between them, holding onto her hand tightly and standing as close as possible to her. 

Valentina lead them to a small café not too far away from The Carvajal. 

“This place do amazing pancakes and it’s super close. Every time I stay at the suite, I come here.” Valentina said as she shuffled them to a small booth at the back of the café. Valentina finally let go of her hand as they sat down and Juliana instantly craved the contact again. 

Valentina ordered them a coffee and pancakes each, and sat back in her seat. Her blue eyes shined at Juliana, her lips pressed into a cheeky smile.

“I just can’t believe you’re here, sitting in front of me. I’ve been dreaming of this since…” Valentina trailed off. 

“Since I left.” Juliana finished. 

“’Left’ maybe isn’t the right word. You didn’t exactly have a choice.” 

Juliana leant forward and reached for Valentina’s hand. 

“You know if I had a choice, I would choose you every time.” Juliana offered quietly. 

“I know.” 

Valentina made herself busy, filling up the two glasses on the table with the water pitcher the server left. 

“Where are you living, if not at the suite?” Juliana asked, noting Valentina’s words from earlier, as they had entered the café. 

Valentina gave her a knowing smile and placed the water pitcher back down on the table. 

“I generally split my time between Mexico City and here. I have an apartment not too far from the hotel.” Valentina responded, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s. 

“When did you tell your family?” 

Valentina narrowed her eyes slightly at the question. “Tell them what?”

“Well, I assume Guille knows. You kissed me in front of him.” Juliana felt a light blush tinge her chest as she said the words. 

Valentina giggled softly, and Juliana thought it to be the most beautiful sound in the world. “I told them how I felt about you after you disappeared. They couldn’t understand why I was so distraught. I was going to tell them about you anyway, so it only seemed right that I came clean and told them the truth.” 

“And how did they take it?” Juliana asked curiously. 

Valentina pressed her lips together before she responded. “Guille took it really well. He’s been my biggest support over the last four years. Eva has come around, but she was quite harsh to begin with. Papa and Lucia have been great. And everyone else’s opinion, I simply did not care about.” 

A dull voice suddenly punctuated their bubble. “Here are your coffees.” Juliana looked up to see a young boy, most likely in his late teens, place the two mugs of coffee down in front of each of them. He then turned without a smile and walked back towards the counter. Both girls offered a quiet thank you, cupping their hands around the mugs and pulling them closer. 

Juliana reached for the sugar, placing a teaspoon in the black liquid, stirring it and watching the crystals dissolve. 

“And your mother knows.” Valentina stated. She made it sound somewhat like a question but Juliana assumed Valentina already knew the answer. 

Juliana looked up to find Valentina stirring her own cup, vulnerable blue eyes gazing back at her through the steam. 

“You know I was going home to talk to her about it, but Chino was already there when I turned up. Apart from Chino telling her he suspected something was going on between us, she said she already knew. She said she had known it for a while.” Juliana sipped at her coffee when she finished, letting the smell and taste invade her senses for a moment. 

“And here are your pancakes.” The same young boy hastily flung the plates towards them, a large serving of pancakes covered in syrup and berries making Juliana’s eyes widen. 

Valentina picked up her knife and fork and licked her lips. “Bon appetite!” 

The girls fell into a comfortable conversation, slowly filling in the gaps from their past. Juliana knew it would take time, but she wanted to know everything Valentina had been up to while she had been absent. Valentina described her alcohol dependence, the pressure from her peers in college, and her stint in rehab. Juliana’s heart sank when she portrayed her time in the cold rehabilitation unit, her internal battles with her mind, her suffering. Valentina spoke freely about it, explaining that they were tough times in her life, but that she had a support network around her, guiding her every step of the way. She talked about how writing helped her to refocus, how putting her story on paper helped her to overcome the shadows that seemed to follow her. 

In turn, Juliana described some of her time with Chino. She spoke about the close calls, the late nights, the drugs, the men. She told Valentina that even through all the physical suffering, the most painful aspect of being with Chino was being away from her. She explained her impulsive decision to come to New York, her luck with meeting Lucy, how she spent most of her time working at Perlita’s to distract her. Juliana also described her form of therapy, explaining how drawing had kept her mind calm as she battled her decisions and demons from her past.

As they confessed their shortcomings, their pain, their sufferings, the other provided the support, the soft touches, the small pouts, the encouraging words. Together, they started the journey of mending their wounds, of dealing with their grievances. They were taking the first steps to becoming whole again, together. Juliana thought she would have trouble confiding in Valentina, in opening up to her again. But the mere presence of Valentina and her own willingness to share the darkest parts of her own past helped Juliana to push beyond her fears and reveal parts of herself she didn’t think she ever could. 

The first breakfast was only one of many conversations the girls would have over the next few days. They continued to tell one another stories, reliving the good and the bad times they had experienced while apart. They gradually began to know one another again, falling easily into enjoying the company of the other. They also took the time to recall the summers they spent together in Arrizo, laughing and reminiscing on the simpler times, and how carefree their lives had been, how easy it had been to live and fall in love. 

Juliana slowly felt her wounds mend each time Valentina caressed her face as they woke up in the same bed. She felt her heart loosen its chains each time Valentina reached for her hand as they walked through the park. She felt the tightness in her chest become obsolete each time Valentina’s blue eyes smiled back at her, bright and adoring. She felt the self-doubt creep into the back of her mind each time Valentina said “I love you”. She felt the knot in the pit of her stomach loosen each time Valentina held her closer after she had flinched at a loud noise. She felt her heart warm and grow each time they made love. 

She knew she would never forget her time with Chino and the years she lost with Valentina. She would never forgive him for the ripple effect his actions had, the suffering they both endured at his hands. But as Valentina listened to her stories, as she rubbed her thumb in circles behind her ear when they got particularly hard to recall, as she provided a warm and safe shelter in her arms for Juliana to fall into, she began to feel lighter. Juliana realized she had been holding desperately onto the pain and suffering, so much so she was letting it define her. Valentina made her realize she was still worthy of love, of being happy, of being alive. Slowly, she began to listen to Valentina’s affirmations, clinging onto the idea of moving forward with her life, with Valentina by her side. Her heart would swell each time she thought about their future.

Juliana had been to her apartment three times over the past week to pick up some belongings, the girls using Valentina’s apartment as a base as they spent all of their time together. Lucy had pulled Juliana into a bear hug when Juliana had stepped into the apartment the third time, a wide smile on her face. 

“I’ve never seen you like this, Juli.” She whispered into Juliana’s ear as she refused to let go. 

Juliana patted her back as an indication for Lucy to disentangle herself, Valentina clearing her throat behind her. 

Lucy let go reluctantly. Her blonde hair was slicked back into a braid, her green eyes alert. “You seem lighter, like you aren’t carrying the world on your shoulders anymore.” She looked to Valentina. “I’m super happy for you two.” She breathed, her excitement getting the best of her. 

“Thanks, Luce.” Juliana laughed lightly.

“See what I mean! You never laugh.” Lucy shook her finger mockingly at Juliana, the smile still plastered on her face. “When are you coming back?” 

Juliana looked to Valentina. They hadn’t actually discussed what they were doing. They were just enjoying being in each other’s company for now. They hadn’t left each other’s side all week, happily blinded by being with one another again, the pull too strong. Juliana didn’t want to complicate things by discussing their future just yet. She was enjoying just being. 

Valentina shrugged her shoulders. 

“I don’t know, Luce. But I’ll let you know when we figure it out.” Juliana winked at Lucy, picked up her bag and walked towards the door. She took Valentina’s hand in hers as they left the apartment. 

“We?” Valentina asked, a smirk on her lips. 

“Huh?” Juliana looked up, confused. 

“You said ‘when we figure it out.’” She repeated Juliana’s previous words. 

Juliana let go of Valentina’s hand as she climbed into the back of the Uber, watching Valentina’s long brown hair swing around her shoulders as she moved. They clipped their seatbelts on and Valentina shifted closer to Juliana, her arm resting on top of Juliana’s, their fingers entwining. 

“We are a ‘we’, right?” Juliana asked as she squeezed Valentina’s hand, trying to keep her voice controlled, not wanting to let onto the panic slowly rising in her chest. 

Valentina looked down at Juliana. “Of course we are.” She pressed a lingering kiss on Juliana’s hairline. “It was just nice hearing it, that’s all.” 

Juliana smiled and rested her head on Valentina’s shoulder, feeling the older woman melt into the embrace. They stayed like that the rest of the way back to Valentina’s spacious apartment, Juliana closing her eyes and concentrating on the scent and warmth emanating from the adorable woman beside her. 

*******

Valentina pushed her plate forward, her hand landing on her stomach as her face twisted. “I ate far too much!” She huffed, rubbing her midsection. 

Juliana couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out from her lips, amused at the dramatic nature of Valentina’s personality. It elicited a lopsided smirk from the brunette, her hand leaving her stomach to rest on top of Juliana’s. Her thumb automatically began stroking the length of Valentina’s slender fingers as they continued to smile at one another. 

“Alright, we get it.” Guille chuckled as he pushed the last piece of steak into his mouth, his eyes flitting between the two girls. 

“Get what?” Valentina scrunched her brow at her brother. 

“You have barely been able to keep your hands to yourselves all dinner. It’s sickening.” He spoke around the steak, his tone joking. 

Valentina poked her tongue out at Guille. “Don’t speak with food in your mouth, you know it’s rude.” Valentina responded with the same playful expression. 

“So, what’s the plan with you two?” Renata asked before sipping on her glass of red wine. 

Juliana’s eyebrows shot up at the question. She had been avoiding this topic of conversation, and was grateful Valentina hadn’t tried to broach it with her just yet. She was scared of what Valentina might want, or that her future may not include Juliana in it. She tried to be rational, every time the anxiety crept into her mind about what was going to happen next, she tried to remind herself of all the touches, the words of love and support, the smiles directed her way from Valentina. It felt like Valentina wanted her around. But the future had been ambiguous for Juliana for years now, something she didn’t spend much time thinking about, doing her best to live day to day. She hadn’t been required to think about the long-term future, or consider someone else’s future that may be entwined with hers. It was a terrifying thought. 

“We are just going with the flow at the moment, I think.” Valentina smiled across at Renata, her eyes quickly landing back on Juliana’s. Juliana tried to offer her a reassuring smile, but she didn’t think Valentina bought it. 

The waiter appeared at the perfect moment and cleared the table, a silence enveloping the group as the plates were taken away.

The group continued their conversation as they finished their drinks. Juliana and Valentina stuck to water, while Guille and Renata sipped on their glasses of red wine. Juliana watched as Valentina spoke, her hand gestures animatedly bringing her stories to life, her long hair tumbling down her shoulders, curling slightly at the ends. Juliana wanted to reach forward and tug her fingers through it, feeling the softness on her fingers. Instead, she clasped her hands together in her lap as Valentina continued to talk. Guille and Renata smiled openly with Valentina, their eyes wide as they were enraptured in Valentina’s natural story-telling ability. They laughed and responded with the occasional comment, pushing Valentina to elaborate further. Juliana was happy to sit back and take in the scene before her, observing the slope of Valentina’s neck, the muscles flexing slightly in her shoulders as she moved her arms, her milky skin dotted with the occasional freckle. 

“What do you think, Juls. Are you ready to go?” Valentina broke Juliana out of her reverie with a soft graze of her knuckles on her arm.

Juliana cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her seat. 

“Yeah, of course. Let’s go.” 

Juliana watched Guille speak to the waiter, then push his chair back to help Renata out of her seat. The party of four left the restaurant and stood in a group out the front. 

“I’ll book us an Uber.” Valentina said mindlessly, pulling her phone out of her clutch. 

Juliana rested her hand on her arm, gaining her attention. “It’s such a nice night and your apartment isn’t far from here. How about we walk?” 

Valentina gave her a cheeky grin and placed her phone back into her clutch. 

Guille pulled Valentina into a hug as Renata approached Juliana. She took a breath as Renata leaned forward into Juliana, offering an affectionate hug. 

“It’s been so nice to meet you, Juliana.” Then she whispered. “It’s amazing to see the change in Valentina. Thank you.” She pulled back and offered her a kind smile. 

“It’s been great to meet you too, Renata.”

The two women then turned to face the siblings. Guille was still holding Valentina and Juliana could see them exchanging whispers. Valentina was nodding as they conversed, and Juliana could see her biting the inside of her cheek. Valentina placed a quick peck on Guille’s face as they parted and without warning, Juliana was swept up into another hug. 

“See you soon, Juliana. Thanks for coming tonight.” He whispered, and his genuine words made Juliana smile. 

“See you soon, Guille.” She replied, turning to find Valentina’s hand sneak into her own. She relished in the warmth and comfort it provided her.

Valentina tugged her away from the restaurant as they waved goodbye to Guille and Renata. They quickly found their rhythm, their steps falling in sync, their joined hands swaying between them. Valentina hummed beside her. She began gushing about Guille and Renata, and how happy her brother seemed. Juliana couldn’t help but be swept up in the enthusiasm Valentina projected, a smile she had become familiar with this past week finding it’s way back to her lips. Juliana agreed with Valentina’s observations and they continued walking along happily, the cool night air a comfort rather than a hindrance.

Finally, after a few moments of comfortable silence, Juliana decided to take the leap.

“Val?” 

“Hmmm?” Valentina looked sideways at Juliana as they continued walking. 

“We need to talk about this. You know, about where this is going. Us.” Juliana spoke quickly, unsure how Valentina would react, stumbling over her words slightly.

Valentina slowed her pace but didn’t stop walking. Her eyes darted from keeping an eye on the sidewalk and glances at Juliana. 

“Yeah. I know.” Valentina sighed. 

Juliana had a difficult time reading Valentina in this situation, which made her own unease increase. She felt her hand become sweaty in Valentina’s, her mind buzzing. She was content in this bubble they had created over the past week, and she didn’t want to ruin it. She felt lighter than she had in years, and it was all due to Valentina. But they needed to clarify what this was moving forward. Juliana swallowed her anxiety and pushed forward. No matter the outcome, she needed to do this. 

She took a deep breath before she spoke. “So, what do you want to happen here?”

They rounded the corner to Valentina’s apartment. Valentina’s heels continued to click on the pavement as they walked.

“I want you.” Valentina said simply. 

They reached the entrance to the apartment building and the doorman held the large glass door open for them, both girls thanking him as they walked inside. Valentina pressed the button for the elevator and turned to face Juliana front on. Her blue eyes serious, her long lashes complementing her well sculpted eyebrows. 

“What do you want?”

Juliana swallowed, slightly disarmed while regarding the beautiful woman before her. “I want you, too.”

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Valentina pulled them inside and pressed the button for the top floor. Once the doors had glided closed again, Valentina moved quickly, pressing Juliana up against the mirrored back of the elevator. It knocked the breath out of Juliana’s lungs. She struggled to maintain her composure as she felt Valentina’s hips press against her own. 

“How bad do you want me?” She husked, her lips hovering only millimeters away from Juliana’s. She felt Valentina everywhere and was overwhelmed at the warmth running through her veins, at the brightest blue gazing down at her. As Juliana pressed forwards, Valentina leant back, her lips out of reach. The playful smirk on Valentina’s red lips caused an involuntary whine to creep out of Juliana’s mouth. The sound flicked something inside of Valentina as Juliana watched her eyes widen slightly, her lips part further, her pupils dilate marginally. Valentina bit down onto her lower lip as her eyes danced over Juliana’s features, finally resting on her lips. 

“I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life.” Juliana whispered honestly. 

She could feel Valentina’s hot breaths bouncing off her face, her features softening slightly as Juliana’s words sunk in. Valentina’s hand trailed up Juliana’s side and snuck around her neck, coming to rest below her ear, Valentina’s thumb rubbing softly against her cheek. 

“I can’t lose you again.” Valentina whispered into the space between them. 

Juliana’s eyes bounced between Valentina’s eyes and her lips, observing the mix of arousal and panic on her features. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Valentina pulled her lower lip between her teeth again as Juliana tilted her head slightly, Juliana’s heart rate picked up as the panic in Valentina’s eyes began to subside, the want becoming obvious, the electricity between them suddenly sizzling.

The elevator dinged, indicating they had reached their floor. Valentina stayed pressed hard against Juliana before speaking. “We’ll sort out details later. Right now I –“ Her words seemingly caught in her throat, a silence enveloping them. A pink blush crept onto her cheeks, Juliana’s eyes narrowing as she watched the generally confident Valentina falter. Then she leaned forward, her lips temptingly close to Juliana’s ear. She could feel the hot breaths, she could smell the shampoo lingering on Valentina’s hair, she could hear the thumping of her heart in her chest. 

“Right now, I want to taste you.” Valentina’s whispered confession sent a shiver down Juliana’s spine, her eyes widening at her words. Her breath hitched as Valentina pulled away, a sultry smirk on her face. Juliana had apparently forgotten how to function as she stood staring as Valentina exited the elevator, stopping to face Juliana. 

“Are you coming?” Valentina asked teasingly, clearly impressed with the reaction her words had on Juliana. 

Juliana nodded, her brain finally catching up, her feet moving forward as she followed Valentina to her apartment door. As soon as Juliana pushed it closed, she turned to face Valentina. The brunette was standing in the middle of the open living room, shrugging off her light jacket and sliding her heels off her feet. Juliana stood mesmerized as Valentina slowly pulled down the zip to her dress, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s. Juliana took a tentative step forward as she pulled her own jacket off, untucking her blouse within the next step. As she walked closer to Valentina, the older girl began walking backwards in the direction of her bedroom. 

Over the past week, they had made love every night, slowly mapping out each others bodies in the quiet of the night. Gasping moans, soft kisses, curled toes, panted proclamations of love had punctuated the space in Valentina’s bedroom as they fulfilled their sexual desires. They had done slow, they had done tender, they had done passionate. Right now, animalistic want ran through Juliana’s veins. They had used their fingers to pleasure one another up until now. Valentina’s words in the elevator sent the bubble of want and need to pleasure Valentina any way she could to the surface. 

Juliana had been wary of pushing things too far. Valentina had confessed to her that she had been with other people since their separation, all of them drunk mistakes, all of them men. Juliana was honest with Valentina and told her she hadn’t been with anyone else, often lucky to escape unscathed from some of Chino’s men. So Juliana was holding back a little with Valentina, unsure of her abilities in the area of oral sex. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint Valentina, so she had kept to what she knew. That didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about it, or wasn’t curious about it. 

Juliana continued to follow Valentina slowly into her bedroom, their eyes never wavering. Juliana unzipped her pants she borrowed from Valentina and they fell to her feet. She stepped forward again as she watched Valentina move swiftly, her long fingers pulling her dress up and over her head, leaving her in her bra and panties before she took another step and disappeared into the dark bedroom. 

Juliana was quick to join Valentina in the same state of undress, lifting her blouse over her head and stepping into the dark bedroom as it fell to the floor. Her eyes took a moment to adjust, the lamp in the living room providing the only light in the space. She found Valentina standing beside the bed, her hair framing her face perfectly, her lips parted slightly. 

“Come here.” 

The demanding tone and crook of her finger made Juliana’s stomach clench. Not wanting to keep Valentina waiting, she crossed the space quickly and immediately found Valentina’s lips with her own. The dam holding her desire to have Valentina writhing below her burst, as her tongue instantly sought out Valentina’s, her hands gripping unforgivingly into Valentina’s back. Valentina responded immediately, pressing her body into Juliana’s and kissing back with equal ferocity. 

Juliana’s hand found her way to Valentina’s ass, her fingers pressing possessively into the soft flesh, a distinct moan curling up from Valentina’s throat as she flicked her tongue further into Juliana’s mouth. Valentina’s fingers fumbled with Juliana’s bra, the clasp finally giving way. Juliana followed suit, pulling Valentina’s bra away from her body, moving her mouth away from Valentina’s for a second, letting her own also fall to the floor. She wasted no time and pressed her lips firmly against Valentina’s again, before pushing Valentina back onto the bed. 

Juliana took a moment to look down at the woman below her. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark room now, as she took deep breaths, watching Valentina’s hair splayed out on the bed, her legs opened wide as Juliana stood between them. She was beautiful and she wanted Valentina to know it. 

She leant down, taking a stiff nipple in her mouth. She worked at it hungrily, using her teeth, lips and tongue against the hot skin. She could hear the whines coming from Valentina’s mouth as she brought her other hand up to fondle the other breast. Her mind was overcome with sensations as Valentina’s hand grasped some hair and the nape of her neck and pulled at it gently, a groan leaving Juliana’s lips as her mouth left Valentina’s nipple with a pop. 

Her hands found Valentina’s sides as her eyes found blue, wide with desire. Juliana pushed slightly and moved forwards, Valentina understanding what Juliana wanted. The women shifted towards the top of the bed, Juliana quickly pressed her body firmly against Valentina’s, her tongue exploring Valentina’s slender neck. She trailed her mouth down to her collarbone, biting and sucking at the hot skin under her lips as her hands ran along the smooth expanse of skin on Valentina’s torso. 

“You’re so beautiful.” She muttered into Valentina’s skin. 

Juliana continued to make her way further south, pressing open mouth kisses on Valentina’s body, relishing in the sounds coming from the older girls mouth. She yanked at the fabric covering Valentina’s centre, pulling it eagerly down her legs and throwing it to the side. 

Suddenly, Valentina sat up and took advantage of the surprise, pushing Juliana onto her back. 

“Hey.” Juliana whined as her back hit the mattress. 

“I want to go first.” Valentina spoke confidently, her desire clear in her tone. She copied Juliana’s movements from a moment ago, almost ripping Juliana’s panties off her body. Her lips found the inside of Juliana’s thighs and kissed them sloppily, making Juliana squirm. Without the opportunity to think much about what was about to happen, she felt Valentina’s tongue run through the length of her folds. She was unable to control the sounds that escaped her mouth as Valentina’s tongue continued to lick through her centre. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as her lips wrapped around her most sensitive spot, her back arching off the bed. 

“Fuck.” 

“You taste so good.” Valentina breathed before she pushed her tongue up inside of Juliana. 

“Val, you’re going to kill me.” Juliana moaned as her fingers clutched at the bed sheets. 

Valentina brought her lips back up to Juliana’s clit as she inserted two fingers slowly into Juliana, and her whole world began to shatter around her. Valentina’s slender fingers began a slow rhythm, reading Juliana’s body, slowly increasing the cadence with time. Juliana slammed her eyes shut and threw her head back onto the pillow as a curl of Valentina’s fingers, coupled with the sucking motion on her clit, pushed her over the edge. 

After an unknown amount of time, Juliana felt Valentina climb back up the bed and rest her head on her chest. 

Juliana could only concentrate on bringing her breath back, attempting to calm her racing heart. As the stars began to fade and she came back down to earth, she turned to Valentina, pushing her onto her back. 

“My turn.” She winked, licking her lips. 

Juliana woke to an empty bed. The white sheets were wrapped around her and Valentina was nowhere to be seen. Once her senses came around, she could smell coffee wafting in from the kitchen. She groaned as she sat up, a smile crossing her face as she remembered the intensity of the night before, not surprised her body was sore. After stretching her arms, she pulled on the plush robe hanging on the back of Valentina’s door before stumbling her way into the kitchen.

She spotted Valentina sitting on one of the lavish armchairs facing out the floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the Manhattan streets below. She had a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. Her neck was bent over the newspaper in her lap. Her hair was the definition of bed hair, scruffy and messy around her face, the long tendrils covering her peripheral vision, unaware Juliana had entered the living area. Juliana took the quiet moment to commit it to memory, the most beautiful woman sitting peacefully, enjoying her morning coffee. Juliana thought it was like artwork. Although she may try, she didn’t think she could every quite capture the presence of Valentina in a drawing. 

Juliana poured her own mug, a slow smile making it’s way onto Valentina’s face as she watched Juliana walk towards her. 

“Good morning.” Juliana husked, placing a soft kiss on Valentina’s forehead before plopping herself on the opposite armchair, her legs curling underneath her.

“It certainly is.” Valentina responded. 

“Did you sleep okay?” Juliana asked as she reached towards the side table and picked up a copy of another newspaper. 

“Perfectly.” Valentina’s sweet voice made Juliana smile. “You?” 

“I don’t think I could ever sleep poorly next to you.” Juliana admitted, her eyes boring into Valentina’s. 

Valentina nodded in acknowledgement, a knowing smile on her own lips. 

Juliana looked down and made herself comfortable, silently reading the day’s news. Juliana was settled and only a page into the paper as she heard her name called quietly. 

“Juls?” 

She looked up and saw Valentina staring at her, her eyes looking nervous once again. She scrunched her eyebrows as her chest tightened at the sight. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Valentina put her newspaper down and sat straighter in her chair. 

“I know I kind of ruined the conversation last night, but I think we need to talk about us. Properly.” 

Juliana nodded her head, also placing her own newspaper back on the side table. 

“Of course.” She swallowed, unsure of where this was going to go. Her skin prickled as her mind ran through a million different scenarios. She was worried she’d read things wrong, and that Valentina was ready to move back to her own life now. Perhaps she’d outstayed her welcome. 

“I wasn’t lying last night when I said I wanted you. I do. I want you to stay here with me. I want a life with you.”

Juliana visibly relaxed into the chair at her words. 

“But…”

Her heart picked up again. She could barely take this. She needed to hear it. Valentina leaned forward, clasping her hands out in front of her as her elbows rested on her knees. She regarded Juliana seriously. 

“I think before we make any more decisions about us, you need to go back to Arrizo and see your mother.” 

Juliana’s mouth fell open and her eyes widened. 

“What does my mother have to do with us?” She asked, defensively. 

Valentina splayed her palms out in front of her in peace. Juliana knew she didn’t want to cause conflict, but she couldn’t help her reaction. She took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on her thoughts. 

“I think she is one of the last puzzle pieces for you. If you want to move forward, you need to see her and give her the opportunity to explain, to make amends. At the very least, to let her know you are alright.”

Juliana chewed on her lip, watching as Valentina’s blue eyes observed her reaction. She couldn’t be mad at Valentina. She was right. Juliana had been holding onto the last piece of resentment towards her mother, her other wounds slowly mending under the careful watch of Valentina. But this was something Valentina couldn’t fix. It was up to her. She knew that if she didn’t face it, it would continue to haunt her, continue to follow her in the shadows. The last thing she wanted was for it to affect her relationship with Valentina. 

“You’re right.” She conceded, taking a sip of her coffee. 

Valentina sat up straighter, surprise evident on her features. “Well, that was easier than I thought it was going to be.” She said cheerfully. 

Juliana narrowed her eyes at her. “Surely you have figured out I’d do almost anything you wanted.”

Valentina smiled at her, her eyes bright. “Would you like me to come with you?”

Juliana finished her coffee and placed the mug lightly onto the side table. “I don’t think I could do it without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. My apologies for the long wait for the update. I had a serious case of writers block. I'm still not sure i'm happy with the development of the chapter but that's all i've got. I hope you're still with me and please let me know what you think.  
I won't be able to update now until the New Year, but the next will be the last chapter!
> 
> Merry Christmas to everyone, wherever you are around the world. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you ready?"

Soon enough, the blurred green outside of the SUV windows slowly began to resemble colors of buildings as they approached the outskirts of Arrizo. Juliana reached across blindly and grasped Valentina’s hand. She immediately felt comforted by the gentle squeeze she received in return. Her anxiety of being back in Mexico and the approaching reunion with her mother had been less daunting with Valentina by her side. 

The woman had been nothing but supportive of her since their conversation about coming back to Arrizo. Valentina had made all of the travel arrangements and had even offered to contact Lupita about Juliana’s return. Juliana felt childish, allowing Valentina to organize the trip and break the news of her arrival to her mother. But her apprehension about going back to face her family after all that happened was enough to let Valentina take over. Juliana could tell all Valentina wanted to do was care for her, and it was easy to let her do so. The way Valentina buzzed around, the infectious energy she emitted as she went about the apartment making phone calls and packing bags was reminiscent of the girl Juliana remembered from their youth. Watching Valentina flit about the apartment, stopping occasionally to place a quick peck on her head, made the upcoming trip slightly less worrisome. She was constantly grateful they had found their way back to one another. 

“We’ll spend tonight at The Carvajal, then we’ll meet Lupe and Panchito for lunch tomorrow. Does that sound okay?” Valentina asked softly.

Juliana tore her eyes away from the window and glanced at Valentina. She had a small smile on her face and her eyes were wide, waiting for a reply. 

Juliana’s heart could melt with how earnest and vulnerable Valentina looked in that moment. She knew Valentina was just as nervous about the trip, wanting everything to run smoothly. So she offered a comforting smile in return. 

“Yeah, Val. That sounds fine to me.” She rubbed her thumb against the soft skin of Valentina’s hand. “Thank you for all of this. For being here with me.” 

Valentina reached up and traced Juliana’s jawline before cupping her cheek. Juliana leaned into the warmth of the touch. “I’ll go anywhere with you.” And with the look in her eyes, Juliana let the words sink in, and she believed it. She truly felt it in every atom of her being that she and Valentina were meant to be together. There was no way she could deny the intensity of their connection, which had just been solidified since their reunion. She breathed in deeply as the women continued to hold one another, their eyes never wavering. 

***********************

Valentina had organized a huge spread for dinner, all from Juliana’s old favorite restaurant. A range of traditional Mexican food was laid out on the table with every kind of sauce available. Juliana’s eyes grew wide as they entered the dining area of the suite, taking in the obscene amount of food before her. She turned and looked at a sheepish Valentina trailing behind her.

“Are we feeding an army tonight, Val?” She couldn’t help but chuckle. 

Valentina shrugged her shoulders. “I just remember how much you enjoyed this food.”

Juliana stepped forward into Valentina’s space and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her flush against her. She leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss against Valentina’s pink lips. “Thank you.” She whispered against her lips. “For making this so easy for me.” 

Valentina pressed one more kiss against Juliana and pulled back. “You’re welcome.” 

Juliana stepped back towards the table, eyeing off the food and pulled out a chair. She was about to sit down when Valentina spoke again.

“There’s just one more thing.”

Juliana looked at Valentina curiously just as there was a knock on the door.

“No, Val. No surprises.”

Valentina began walking out of the room, presumably to answer the door. “It’s a good one, I promise.”

“Val…” Juliana chided, her heartbeat picking up suddenly. Valentina knows how nervous she is about this trip. Juliana attempted to calm herself down, her trust in Valentina never wavering. She wouldn’t do anything to make this harder for Juliana than it already is. 

She heard distant voices and footsteps advancing towards the dining area. She fidgeted with her hands as they came closer, her eyes widening as she saw a tall man with dark hair, thick eyebrows and a well-trimmed beard enter the room. 

“Mateo.” 

Her feet were frozen on the spot, her previously fidgeting hands stilled and fell by her sides as she looked at her cousin. He was a grown man now, well groomed and grown into himself, but a glint of the boy he was still in his eyes. He smiled broadly at Juliana and threw his arms open as he approached her. 

“Juli. Oh my God.” He choked, bringing her into a crushing hug, lifting her up off her feet and spinning her around. “I can’t believe you’re back!” 

Juliana just shut her eyes, a sob escaping her lips as her cousin held her close. She was completely taken aback by this gesture from Valentina. She knew how much Mateo meant to her, and she went out of her way to organize a surprise visit. 

Mateo eventually placed her gently back onto the ground and pulled Juliana back by her shoulders, regarding her seriously, a light sheen over his eyes. 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” 

Juliana couldn’t help the laugh that pushed out through a sob, overwhelming relief washing through her body as her cousin stood in front of her. She felt another piece of her old self click into place as she basked in his warming presence, his hands comforting and strong on her shoulders. 

“Me too.” She smiled as she wiped the tears from her face. 

Mateo took a step back as Valentina moved closer, taking Juliana’s hand. 

“Here, lets sit. We can talk over dinner.” Valentina said as she guided Juliana to a seat at the large dining table. The three fell into comfortable conversation, Mateo filling Juliana in on what he had been doing with his life over the last four years. Eventually, Mateo broached the subject Juliana had been waiting for.

“I know you might not want to talk about, but I’m curious to know what you’ve been up to, if you’re comfortable.” Mateo said as he shoved the last bite of a taco into his mouth. 

It was clear to Juliana that Mateo knew Chino had been involved with her disappearance. He would have found out from Lupe. But she was unsure what else he knew or how much she should divulge. 

Valentina’s hand found its way to her knee and gave an encouraging squeeze. She looked into the vivid blue and took a deep breath, aware she could face anything with this resilient woman here with her. 

Juliana looked at Mateo and as she linked her fingers with Valentina’s. She found the courage to give him a brief overview of what her life had been like since she had been away. She left out the grim details, but didn’t hold back on discussing the pain and hurt she had endured at the hands of Chino and his men, her conflicted thoughts after he had died, her inner turmoil and eventual coming to terms with her decisions in New York, to the overwhelming happiness she had felt since finding Valentina again. 

“It was actually her decision to come back here.” Juliana explained as she nodded towards the brunette. 

Mateo chuckled. “Well, I’m very glad she was able to convince you to come back.” 

Juliana smiled at Valentina, their eyes lingering, unable or unwilling to break the contact. “I’d do anything she asked.” She breathed. 

After a moment, Mateo cleared his throat. “It’s so great to see you happy, Juli.” He commented with sincerity. “It’s amazing you two found one another again. Almost like you were meant to be, hey?” He said lightly, watching their interaction.

“Something like that, yeah.” Juliana grinned back at Mateo, finally breaking the moment with Valentina. 

“Your mama is going to be so thrilled to see you. She hasn’t stopped talking about it since Valentina phoned.” 

Juliana tensed slightly at this revelation, her mind still chaotic when it came to the topic of her mama. Mateo clearly sensed Juliana’s hesitation. 

“It’s okay. She’s nervous too.” He spoke quietly. “But it’s important, for you both.” 

“I know.” Juliana replied with a slight nod of her head.

He reached forward and took Juliana’s free hand resting on the table. “It’s been hard for everyone, Juli. I’m sorry about everything you’ve gone through, I really am. I wish it didn’t happen. But I encourage you to try and think about it from Lupe’s perspective. She was unable to do anything to stop Chino from taking you away. She felt helpless, and has cut herself up about it ever since it happened.” 

His dark eyes shone at her, his tone soft and careful. She hadn’t thought about looking at the situation from Lupe’s viewpoint. She could only nod her head at Mateo, unable to process any words. 

Mateo shifted then, pulling back in his seat and resting his napkin on the table. “It’s getting late and you two have a big day tomorrow. I better get going.” He said as he stood from the chair. The two women rose from their own seats and each were enveloped in a heartfelt hug from Mateo. 

“Thank you for dinner.”

“I’ll see you again before we leave.” Juliana spoke as they walked towards the front door of the suite. Valentina opened it and stood aside. 

“Thanks for coming, Mateo.”

Mateo gave them both a close-lipped smile and squeezed Juliana’s shoulder. “Good luck tomorrow, Juli. I’ll see you soon.” 

*****************

Juliana wiped at her chin and crawled back up the bed to lie next to Valentina, their labored breaths bouncing off the walls of the large bedroom. Valentina eventually rolled onto her side and tucked her head under Juliana’s chin, her ear pressing onto the warm skin of Juliana’s chest, the rising and falling becoming less pronounced. She absentmindedly rubbed light circles over Juliana’s stomach as Juliana massaged Valentina’s scalp.

“I can hear you thinking from here.” Valentina whispered into the dark. “Can I help?”

Juliana brought her free hand up and rubbed at her eyes. “I’m just thinking of something Mateo said earlier.”

Juliana could feel Valentina’s head shift slightly on her chest, placing a soft kiss on the skin there. 

“About seeing things from Lupe’s perspective?” 

Juliana opened her eyes as she felt a smile cross her lips. Of course Valentina knew what she was thinking. She was still amazed that the girl in her arms right now could read her so well, even after years apart. They were never going to get those years back, or erase the trauma inflicted on them over that time, but sometimes it almost felt as though they had never been apart. It had been so easy falling back into being in Valentina’s company, and their connection was as in tune as ever before. She felt her heart swell with love and affection as the words “soul mate” crossed her mind. 

“Mmmhhh.” Juliana responded lazily.

Valentina shifted again then, pulling herself up onto her elbows to look down at Juliana. Juliana pensively started playing with the ends of Valentina’s hair. 

“I don’t want to speak out of turn here, but I think he has a point.” Valentina whispered, biting her bottom lip when she was finished. Juliana could tell she was apprehensive about expressing her feelings on this topic. 

Juliana let out a light laugh at Valentina’s wariness. “Go on. I’d like to hear what you think.”

Valentina tilted her head slightly, trying to determine if Juliana was being serious. Juliana raised her eyebrows playfully as if she was waiting and Valentina smiled. 

“Okay. Well, think about it. Your mother had already been hit around by the time you arrived at the house, she was in a state, so what –“

“How did you know that?” Juliana interrupted. 

“She came here straight after you left. I had to call a doctor to clean her up. She was completely distraught, Juls.”

“Why did she come here? Why didn’t she go straight to the hospital?” Juliana scrunched her eyebrows together, confused. 

“I don’t know, Juls. She wanted me to know, I guess. She told me what happened, and apologized over and over. She told me you loved me. She said that the reason you left was because he had threatened to hurt us if you didn’t go with him. Obviously, I became hysterical, but your mama was there for me, that night and the days after that.” Valentina moved up, swinging an arm across Juliana’s chest to trace her eyebrow soothingly with a finger, moving her face closer. “She was a complete mess, Juls. But she was strong for me.” 

Juliana pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she mulled over Valentina’s words, chewing lightly on the flesh. She ran her hands up and down Valentina’s back as slender fingers continued to caress her face. She knew being here, comforted by this beautiful woman, was the only way she could ever process these emotions, and she was overwhelmingly grateful for Valentina’s presence. 

“Chino had already hit her around.” Valentina continued quietly. “She suffered a concussion, so her mind was barely there as it was. What could she have done, Juls?” 

And there it was. The question Juliana had been avoiding for four years. She wanted her mother to step up, to do something, to stop Chino from taking her away, from ruining their lives. But she always knew, in the back of her mind that against Chino, Lupe couldn’t really have done anything, especially in the state she was in. 

Juliana pulled Valentina down against her, crushing her in a hug. “I’m so happy you’re here with me.”

Valentina planted a soft kiss on her neck as she nuzzled in, their warm bodies pressed close. 

***************

Valentina placed her hand on Juliana’s knee to steady the nervous bounce Juliana’s leg had begun without even realizing. 

Juliana looked up at Valentina. She looked stunning, her hair long with a slight curl, her eyes bright and alert. She was wearing a simple white top tucked into a pair of jeans that did nothing for Juliana’s concentration. Juliana found her eyes would constantly wander to the curve of her butt, especially when she walked. Valentina would giggle whenever Juliana was caught ogling, and would reach across and gently close Juliana’s mouth with a smirk. 

“Sorry.” Juliana huffed as she stilled her leg. 

“It’s okay.” Valentina replied, rubbing her thumb soothingly over the skin on the hand she was holding. 

The SUV lurched to a stop and Juliana swallowed thickly. Out the window, she could see her old house. It looked exactly how she remembered. She even caught sight of her cherry red bike leaning up against the side fence, still locked up. 

“Hey.” Valentina called lightly, trying to get Juliana’s attention. She looked up at Valentina’s patient face. “Are you ready?”

Juliana blew out a breath and shuffled forward onto the edge of the seat. “Guess I have to be.” She brought Valentina’s hand up to her lips and left a quick kiss there, before letting go and turning, exiting the vehicle as Alirio opened the door for her. Valentina followed quickly behind and stood beside her, linking their fingers together once more. Juliana felt Valentina’s grip relax and almost pull away. She glanced at her quizzically.

“Oh. Is this okay?” Valentina asked, gesturing to their hands.

Juliana frowned slightly, unsure of the meaning of her words. Then it dawned on her that maybe Valentina was just as nervous about seeing Lupe again as well. She grasped her hand even tighter and pulled her closer. “Of course it is.” She placed a light kiss on Valentina’s cheek and turned to step towards the house. She looked up just as the front door opened to reveal Lupita and Panchito. They both stepped forward onto the small patio at the entrance of the house. 

Juliana froze as her mother and step-father watched them, smiling awkwardly. 

Valentina squeezed her hand softly and whispered close to her ear, “I’ll be right here.”

With those words and Valentina’s warm hand in hers, she took a deep breath and continued her steps towards the house, pulling Valentina along with her. She let go of Valentina’s hand as Lupita pulled her into a bruising embrace, sobs wracking her mothers body. She felt her mother’s hands run soothingly down her hair and rub her back, and she let herself be held by her mother as she apologized over and over and over. Lupita pulled her away slightly and she began placing kisses all over her face in a frenzy. 

“Ma. Ma, stop. Ma!” 

“Let me look at you.” Lupita said as she did what Mateo had done last night, placing her hands on Juliana’s shoulders and looking at her square in the face. 

Juliana felt Lupita’s eyes sweep over her face, noticing her brown eyes lingering on the scar on the edge of her right eyebrow. She brought her hands up to her mothers face and attempted to wipe the tears away.

“Oh, Juli. I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you’re here.” She brought Juliana into her body again, holding her close. 

“Why don’t we go inside?” Juliana heard Panchito ask. She pulled away from her mother and looked up at the man she had grown to love. She smiled weakly at him, noting the pained expression on his face, and wrapped him up in another crushing hug. Juliana heard Valentina and Lupe talking behind her, but she wasn’t able to make out the words. 

“Come on then, let’s go and sit down before we eat lunch. We can catch up properly.” Lupita spoke as Panchito and Juliana let go of one another. 

Juliana wiped her face before she took Valentina’s hand again and walked inside to the small living room, pulling Valentina down closely next to her on the couch, as Lupita and Panchito sat on the two armchairs. 

Juliana could feel her hand sweating against Valentina’s, but neither girl made a move to disconnect themselves. 

“I’m so glad you could come back to see us, Juli.” Lupita smiled, her hands fidgeting in her lap. 

Juliana looked at her mother and noticed she looked older. Her usually dark hair was now streaked with greys, her eyes bulging slightly, the lines around her face more prominent. She looked tired and weary. 

Juliana took a moment then to look around the small room, memories flooding back from the night Chino took her away. The sounds of her mothers cry as Chino yanked her by her hair, Chino’s gruff and demanding voice, his physical presence, his stench. She also remembered the scared look on her mothers face, her dazed expression and all the blood. 

She swallowed thickly. “You have Valentina to thank for that. She was the once who convinced me to come back.” 

Lupita’s eyes twitched between the two girls. “Well then, thank you, Valentina.” She offered a small smile and Valentina nodded. 

“How are you, Juli? Are you okay?” Lupita’s voice sounded strained. They were such simple questions, but the implication of them was anything but. 

Juliana clenched her jaw and released it, attempting to work through her thoughts.

“I wasn’t. But I’m doing okay now.” 

There was a beat, a simmering tension revealing itself through the silence. Juliana struggled to maintain eye contact with her mother, her hold on Valentina’s hand the only thing keeping her calm. 

“We’re glad to hear it, Juli.” Panchito broke the quiet.

“Juli. Look at me.” Lupita croaked, her voice thick with emotion. “Please?” She begged. 

Juliana felt a nudge from Valentina and she looked up to see her eyes wide, pleading. 

“Remember what we talked about.” She whispered. 

A traitorous tear fell from Juliana’s eye as she tried to overcome the building emotions. She didn’t think about how difficult it would be being back here again, in the room where her whole world changed. She struggled to look at her mother, remembering Valentina’s words but still fighting with her feelings of abandonment. Valentina reached up and softly wiped it away, her blue eyes cloudy with her own tears. 

Suddenly she felt a pair of hands clutch onto her forearms, bringing her back to reality. She turned to look at her mother full on. Her face was crumpled and she was on her knees in front of her. 

“Juli. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry this happened to you. I wish I could have done more.” She spoke through her tears, her voice a pitch higher than normal as she attempted to speak through her emotions. “Every day, I have dreamed of all the ways I could have changed what happened. We looked for you, but there was no trace.” She dropped her head, her hands still grappling at Juliana. “I’m so sorry my baby girl.” And she let go, large sobs overtaking her body, her shoulders slumping and chest heaving. “I’m so sorry.” She continued through her sobs. 

Juliana was still as she absorbed her mothers words. She reflected on her life up until this point. She remembered her mothers safe arms as they hitchhiked out of Mexico City all those years ago. She remembered her mothers bruised arms and face as she kissed her goodnight every night before they got away from him. She remembered the life they built here, in Arrizo. She remembered her mother working long shifts to afford them to live. She remembered it being the two of them against the world for the longest time. She remembered her mothers broken voice as she told Juliana she knew about Valentina, the acceptance in her eyes. She looked down at her mother, begging and pleading at her to forgive her. She felt Valentina’s grounding touch on her back, letting her know silently that she was here. She felt her mothers desperate clutching and she looked at the hands that had held hers as they ran through the Mexico City streets, the hands that brushed her hair out of her face when she had cried after falling and grazing her knee, the hands that had worked tirelessly to help build a new life. 

She placed her hands on either side of her mothers face and brought it up to look at her. She wiped away the tears that had fallen down her mothers face with her thumbs as she blinked through her own, gazing at a deep brown similar to her own. They were hurting.

“Ma. It’s okay.” She breathed. “I forgive you.” 

And the women cried out all the resentment, all the fear and anger and hurt. They held one another until they had nothing left to cry. 

*********************

The black SUV pulled up slowly out front of the pier. Juliana looked quizzically at Valentina. 

“Walk with me?” Valentina gestured to the pier with a flick of her head.

Juliana smiled and nodded, following Valentina out of the back of the vehicle.

It was late afternoon and the sun was slowly dipping lower on the horizon. There weren’t many people milling about, only a couple of fishermen and some keen swimmers. Their shoes clacked against the wooden slats on the pier as their hands swung slightly between them as they walked.

Juliana took in a deep breath, the familiar smell of salt air and warm sunshine filling her lungs. After their emotional reunion, Valentina and Juliana joined Lupe and Panchito for a huge lunch. Lupe had over catered, as usual, and they ate and laughed until their bellies hurt. Juliana felt lighter, a peace and calm she hadn’t felt since she left Arrizo finally soaking into her bones. She felt the darkness leave her mind, her soul stronger than ever. 

She looked over to Valentina, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the absolute beauty beside her. The orange glow that overtook the sky was bouncing strikingly off Valentina’s perfect skin, making her hair shine and eyes glimmer in the light. Her smile was wide as she caught Juliana staring, her aura of lightness and positivity and enthusiasm radiating around her.

Valentina stopped and pulled at her hand, tugging them both towards the railing. She leaned against it, bringing Juliana close. Juliana stepped between Valentina’s feet, pressing the brunette against the railing with her hips, bringing her hands up to rest on the sides of Valentina’s long neck. Their bodies pressed together from almost head to toe, with no care for anyone around. They had been through too much to worry about passersby. 

Juliana took her time to watch Valentina’s features in the afternoon light. She pressed forward and touched her lips to Valentina’s in a deep kiss. Valentina responded with as much passion, locking her hands on Juliana’s hips and scraping her teeth along Juliana’s bottom lip. Juliana pulled back, breathless, and smiled at Valentina. 

“Thank you.” She whispered. 

It wasn’t much, those two words, but she meant them wholeheartedly. And Juliana could tell Valentina knew how much she meant it, as she returned the smile and pressed her own kiss on Juliana’s lips. 

When they parted, Juliana took in a deep breath and dropped her hands to link hers with each of Valentina’s. 

“I have a question for you.” 

Valentina looked curious, her brow twitching slightly, her eyes narrowing. 

“Ask away.” 

Juliana chewed on her bottom lip as she watched the glint in Valentina’s eyes, the blue a crystal clear, the brightest she has seen them. 

“I know what I want. And unless I’m absolutely crazy, I know you want it, too.” She spoke without breaking eye contact, entranced in the way Valentina’s face softened with her words. “I want to be with you.” She moved forward now, pressing her forehead against Valentina’s. “I’ve lived life without you in it and I never, ever want to do it again. I’ve never felt so lost without you by my side.” She shook her right hand out of Valentina’s grip and brought her hand up to rub the spot under Valentina’s ear. “I know we need some definition around this. So, Val.” She smiled, looked at Valentina right in the eyes, took a deep breath and asked the question. “Will you be my girlfriend?” 

Valentina laughed, a light, infectious sound leaving her lips, her eyes crinkling as they lit up with the question. She pressed forward for another quick kiss, whispering her answer against Juliana’s lips.  
“Yes.”

Juliana’s hand moved to the back of Valentina’s neck, bringing her closer for a deeper kiss, pushing her tongue into Valentina’s mouth. They kissed slowly, passionately and freely. 

Before the kiss escalated into anything inappropriate for public consumption, Valentina pulled back.

“Now I have a question of my own.”

Juliana raised her eyebrows, finding it difficult to focus on Valentina’s words when her lips were so plump and pink, just asking to be kissed again. 

“Move in with me.”

The words hung between them, Juliana’s eyes finally focusing back on Valentina’s. There was still barely any space between them as they breathed the same air. 

Juliana could feel Valentina begin to squirm slightly against her. Her eyes darkened slightly as panic began to crowd her features. 

“I mean, we’ve already lost so much time together. I just don’t want to waste any more. You could move into my apartment with me in Manhattan, or we could find our own place wherever you want. Or if it’s too soon, that’s fine, we’ll just –“

Juliana quieted Valentina’s rambling with another intense kiss. She wanted to leave no doubt in the other girls mind. 

“Of course I’ll move in with you, Val.” She muttered against Valentina’s lips before kissing her again. Valentina giggled, squirming under Juliana’s attention. They kissed and kissed until Juliana felt Valentina’s hands push her away. She pouted as she looked at her girlfriend, her eyes blown and chest heaving. 

Valentina smirked at her, looked behind her quickly, then a wide smile broke out on her face. Juliana turned around to see nothing behind her except ocean. She turned back, confused, to see Valentina kicking off her boots and unbuckling her jeans. 

“What are you doing, Val?” She asked, dumbfounded. She stepped forwards and grasped her hands as they began to shuffle her jeans down her legs. “Val! What the hell!?” Juliana looked around and was thankful there was barely anyone around.

Valentina kicked her jeans off and stood in front of Juliana in her panties and white shirt. She stepped around Juliana and stood on the edge of the pier. She turned to face Juliana and held her hand out to her. 

“C’mon.” She said, her eyes bright and smile wide. “Let’s make the leap together.” 

Juliana buckled, her eyes wide and mouth agape. She looked at the beautiful woman before her, standing half naked on the edge of the pier where they first met, asking her to jump with her.  
Before she knew it, she was kicking her own shoes off and sliding her own jeans down her legs. Valentina’s eyes never left hers, giggling as Juliana almost fell trying to step out of her pant leg. 

Finally, Juliana stepped up next to Valentina in a similar state of undress and grasped her hand. 

“This is the start of our new life together.” Valentina said as she squeezed Juliana’s hand. “Are you ready?”

Juliana grinned as she gazed back at Valentina, her hair blowing gently in the breeze, her face alight. 

“Absolutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who left kudos or comments on Leap. I'm a little sad to be finishing this story but also happy it's over, haha!   
I've never done anything like this before so I appreciate every piece of feedback I received. I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I had fun writing it! I have a few ideas for some other stories that I hope to get some time to write. In the meantime, keep reading and writing and hopefully you'll hear from me again soon!


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